The Last Mile
by catonspeed
Summary: 8yrs from NM bday party aftermath: It's the final nail in the coffin & Bella is running south after bad news. Where has she been? Meeting the last person she expected to find on the desert roads of Texas, is her life ending or just beginning? Jasper/Bella
1. Chapter 1 The Last Mile

Darkness was beginning to ease in, the sun boiling off on the horizon, leaving a rainbow of colour streaked across the sky, highlighting the rises and pits in the towering clouds.

Endless miles of tarmac stretched out before her as far as she could see, the view repeating over and over with every mile the car struggled forward. The old battered pickup truck wasn't fairing any better than she was in the blistering heat, but it had cost all the money she had and the tank was full. Air conditioning and comfort hadn't been the first things on her mind, anyway what did they matter to _her_ now.

Peering over the steering wheel she took in the view and sighed.

Her eyes were drawn back to the white lines streaking off into the distance in the middle of the road. Blurred into a single trail they had become oddly hypnotic, the flashes of black, white, black, white, the only thing keeping her from falling into a deep slumber at the wheel. The long drive across the swamps was taking its toll on her frail body; the sweltering heat magnified by the car had done its best to drain the last ounces of strength from her, leaving her feeling limp and deflated.

The chill inside her wouldn't leave though.

In the heat, the waves rising from the road melted the car and the woman together, blending the pain that ravished them both. Thank God the rear view mirror had broken off, she didn't think she could stand seeing the bags under her eyes, what was left of her limp lifeless hair and the pale, drawn face that had peered at her in mirror in the hospital that morning. That wasn't a memory she wanted to take with her.

Casting her eyes across the empty seat next to her and out to the horizon she'd never felt more alone.

Focusing on the water bottle to distract herself from the aching loneliness that threatened to swallow her whole at every second she noticed it was empty, bringing back the recollection of draining it hours ago with the last of the pills whose packets now littered the floor. The waves of pain that had ripped through her had been so intense and powerful. She shuddered despite the heat.

Now all the pills were gone, and with them the last of her release. Flinging the bottle out the window to banish the vision it skipped rapidly away behind the car, quickly falling out of view as the tarmac sped away beneath the wheels.

Black, white, black, white.

The itching began to start all over her skin, building in intensity with every second. Darkness settled within her. Pain started to roll through every muscle, making her body convulse and crumple like a rag doll. James would be bliss at this point, how she longed for his effervescent ruby eyes.. . Sharp electric jolts stretched out every nerve in her skin, sinew and bone strained against the yellow paper like skin, threatening to burst through. A searing poker of pain slithered its way up each vertebrae of her spine like a snake, up over her skull and settled deep behind her eyes. Its grip tightening with each wave that pounded around her body. Pain exploding behind her eyes, blinding her with a white ferocity.

Her mind detached itself from the torturous pain scouring her body, dulling the sensations.

Silence.

Her hands left the steering wheel and started to claw at the black spots attacking her. The car began to spin, round and round, sending up waves of dust and rocks which struck the side of the car, stripping paint and denting its already bruised body.

Everything slowed, each second stretching out an eternity.

The car began to drift towards the bank at the side of the road, the driver still under attack from the unwelcome foe that had invaded her body. The car spun across a patch of grit left at the side of the road, a piece flew up at the wind screen, exploding it into a web of glass. The sound of the impact rocketed through the silence, striking every nerve, dislodging the hissing snake in her head that vanished back down her spine. Her foot slammed down to the brake.

She slumped across the steering wheel, the horn howling at the open sky. Ragged breaths struggled back and forth through lungs taught with panic.

Blood trickled from the inside of her mouth where teeth had ripped through the paper thin flesh.

It was becoming worse, harder and harder to control each time... Wetting her lips, she prayed for the rain to come and clear the oppressive heat and her mind.

But when had god ever answered her prayers?

....

....

There had been no signs of life since leaving the highway and taking the road that she now raced along. Houses and shacks had thinned and given way to endless miles of grass and swampland with only the occasional tree dotting the horizon.

So vast.

The emptiness of it didn't scare her though, only the thought of going the journey alone. That had hardly been her choice though she mused.

Fields of golden grasses level with the open windows rolled by. The wind, stirred by the truck played through the long blades making a low swishing noise, oddly comforting, and a welcome release as nothing else had dared to break the heavy silence for hours.

This is what she had come for, space, time, comfort.

Back home, if it could ever really be called that, the constant busyness had managed to hold off any feelings: comprehension, sadness, and the self-pity that would follow. She had filled her days with noise and energy, anything that would stave off the realization. She had been proud, unwilling to admit defeat.

Had,

A word she used all the time now, that's all she was, a past tense, forgotten already, abandoned by everything. Just when everything was finally back on track after years of painstaking care on stitching her life back together.

It had hit her hard.

Everything she had tried to block out had come crashing through the barriers she had erected, _it_ had caught up with her, and now she was running from it and the truth.

She was going to die.

Not in fifty, sixty years like everyone else her age, but soon. A month, a week, a day, they had no idea how long the cancer would give her, it just continued to rob her body and pride, breaking everything down. Of all the things to come at her time and time again it would be her own body that finally betrayed her.

Black, white, black, white, like the needle tracks on her bruised arms passed under the wheels.

Ominous groans started to emit from the engine, the truck stuttered and spluttered, slowing to a crawl, then to a final stop. Swinging the door open she leapt out the car and popped the bonnet, the steam hissing out of the gaps stung at her fingers as she tried to prise it up, tears pricked the corners of her eyes. Clouds of smoke billowed out of the radiator, she cursed under her breath and kicked the nearest wheel, her foot instantly recoiling in pain. When would the world stop taking from her!!! This was her saviour, it was supposed to take her way from the cancer that was advancing ever closer over the green fields in the distance. Desperation set in. The protective armour she had built around herself crumbled, layer upon layer shed away as desolation set in. There was nothing here; nobody could help her, would help her, there were only the endless miles of fields and sky. The goddamn hospital didn't seem so bad now.

A high-pitched ringing started to build up in her head, her eyes glossed over, blurring everything. The tears that had been held back for months started to stream across her face, over the cracked, dry skin and down to the dust below, where they were instantly evaporated away, their existence erased. Time marched on and they were forgotten by the world already. _As if they'd never existed..._

Oh the fucking irony!

Dry sobs racked her body, disturbing the heavy air. Her skeletal fingers clawed though her scalp, bringing away clumps of hair from her already thinning head, which only continued to strengthen the flood of tears. Exhaustion took her by the brow and forced her to her knees. Keeling over she made no sound as her body struck the sandy earth. A cloud of dust rose around her. Hands clasped in frenzied prayer. Her eyes lolled back into her head, the tension flooded from her, relaxing the gaunt face into a look of restfulness.

As the sun began to set strands of soft brown hair that lay strewn across the roadside blew into the grass and melted into the earth.

* * *

In the distance the last of the sun glinted off a window screen, a blinding dot racing every closer.

The silver truck braked and skidded harshly as it passed the prone figure in the dirt. Racing from it he skidded across the dirt and gravel to his knees. He bent over the figure in the dust, fingers searching for a pulse, any sign of life. As his icy cool fingers brushed the woman's neck her eyelids fluttered, as if in recognition to his presence. The relief in the air was almost palpable.

Lifting her up, he cradled her like a child in his strong arms to the passenger side of his truck. Laying her across the back seats he gently tucked a blanket around her as surveyed her limp form with worry. It was worse than he could ever imagine - his guilt threatened to splinter every atom in his body.

Climbing back into the driver's seat he reached for the mobile phone waiting in the cradle. Turning and brushing strands of fine hair out of her eyes he looked down.

"Don't worry darlin', everything's going to be alright."

Somewhere within the words reached her.

"Peter...? I've got her."

Bathing in the pure, brilliant light that shone through the tinted windows and danced across his textured skin creating a sea of rainbows, her bones began to warm in the sun.

* * *

**AN. And it begins... mwahaha! This chapter is all about the desolation Bella has found herself in, it's miserable for a reason - she's been through a lot of shit. don't worry though, things are about to pick right the fuck up...**


	2. Chapter 2 Where the fuck am I?

**BPOV**

Apparently the hospital had finally replaced that piece of shit lumpy mattress with a slice of _heaven_! Oh this is more like it! Gah and these pillows! I wiggled my body weakly into the cloud like surface beneath me, rolled on my side and pulled the covers under my chin.

And that roll should have introduced my face to floor...

Red and heat registered behind my eyes.

Too bright!

Sunlight was streaming in my face. I buried my face in the pillows, breathing deep the cool cottony smell. Blindly reaching for the call button to get someone to close the blinds but finding nothing. That damn nurse had hidden it again. Don't they know it's cruel to tease the cancer patients? I'll have to come up with something special for her today. Apparently cancer makes me quite the caustic bitch. Go figure!

I tried to lever my eyelids from my eyeballs but they were welded shut. The lack of moisture felt like the surfaces had been blasted by sand on a caustic day at the beach, with the wind whipping the grains into furious dervishes, stripping the skin off anything in their paths. Nice way to start the day. I finally dragged them open and attempted to blink some kind of lubrication across them but no dice. It feels like the top layer just shed itself like snake skin. What good is that damn painful IV if I can't even blink without pain!

It took a few seconds for my weak eyes to factor in the glare streaming in the window and adjust to my surroundings before I registered that this was not in fact my room. Although this wasn't actually that much of a surprise, with frequent blackouts triggered by my weakening poisoned body meaning I often missed windows of time between being moved between treatments, day rooms, the fucking assisted bathroom... But this was clearly not any of those places. Where the fuck am I?

It took a few more seconds before the events of the day before or even the day before that... hell who knows how much time has passed, there's no damn calendar in my line of vision – not that I'd been keeping track of days anyway, time was measured by chemo rounds, whether the food would stay down, the number of times the interns took to locate a vein... caught up with me. The final call from the doctors, no more chances for me, end of the line the ride stops here! The anger – get out of my way; I'm not staying here to be humiliated and prodded for your entertainment! The pity in that bitch of a nurses eyes as I cleared out the draws overflowing with pills next to my bed. The acceptance in her eyes as my fist met with her face... Time sped up – the doors sliding open at reception as that low budget counsellor dared get close enough to try coaxing me back to the bed where they wanted me to lay back and wait for death simpered and fawned before they drew closed between us. Apparently his pay check and responsibilities end at the pavement line because he didn't care enough to follow. I thanked him by only using the cash in his wallet towards my transportation – I could have used the amex I found in there but the picture of his sad looking kids in there prompted the purchase of a shiny new X-box system that would be finding its way to them soon instead. Fix what's a home first asshole before you start bitching to me about processing. The truck that bought back memories of running for the first time, except this time no one I loved wished me off or sat with me, I definitely wasn't coming back, phoenix was out of the question, and there was no killers waiting to give me release. I'd keep heading south, maybe Mexico... somewhere warm for sure, I could never get warm these days, something I'd grown used to and then craved, but now sorely missed. But then I'd reached the heat and it was just oppressive, and still empty, more lonely, bigger, emptier, vast, too quiet. And I was still cold. But it was still too hot. And the truck was a piece of shit. And I should have maxed that damn amex out and got the biggest badest thing in the lot – fuck the kids, they had years left to learn to work their old man or at least get the initiative to look at one of those 'how to teach...' therapy books he must have lying around because I sure as shit hope no university produced that dickwad. And I was alone. Again. And there was no coming back this time. And the black white black white. And the pain. And the layers of my life had fallen and shattered like glass at the roadside until there was nothing but the remains of my soul oozing out onto the dirt that I'd clutched beneath my fingers, the blackness rushing in and crashed over my broken body like waves, burying me deep. And then a spark, and a mummer, and the waves stilled, but I continued drowning. Always drowning.

And now somehow I am here. In simple but elegant room flooded with the smell of cedar and magnolia, and soft light, and warmth that threatens to sink beneath my skin. The walls are a soothing cream dotted with beautiful pictures of desert and sky. And a figure sits in the chair in the corner of the room. Who waits with a stillness unbecoming of morality. Eyes closed. Hands resting on knees. His sandy blond hair drifts artfully across his eyes. But there is nothing casual about him. His stance radiates readiness, anticipation, power.

This should surprise me, scare me, have me running for the hills to save my life – waking in a room with a strange vampire in the corner of my room, and yet I am none of these things. Nothing surprises me anymore. I am life's bitch and she takes great pleasure in fucking with me. I am ready now. I found the acceptance that the doctors had bleated on about at that last meeting in the dry Texan dirt at the side of that road. Hurry up and get on with it, I'm tired of waiting. But leave me in this bed please. It is soft and I can almost imagine feeling whole here.

His eyes open.

They are red.

They glitter.

Priceless rubies in an angles face.

His features remain granite carved in the finest of marbles.

I feel the warmth dance closer to the remains of what's left of the edges of my heart.

Hell this would be mercy at this point, let's just get on with it already! I'm working on a limited time frame here buddy.

I unfurled one arm out on the bed and tap at the veins at my wrist with the other. It takes a few moments for them to rise to the surface, there is so little left now, not that they weren't clearly visible under the highly transparent taught skin that stretched over the sinew and bones there.

I pointed at the silvery pearlescent outline left by James's teeth with one shaky finger.

"Your about 8 months too late, I'm not sure how fresh it'll be. But look, I come pre-marked with directions. Insert teeth here asshole"

The man is stone.

Ten seconds pass before the surface of his granite face begins to ripple – I'm almost afraid shards will splinter off, he's quite striking for a killer and it would be a shame to ruin that nose and that bone structure.

His entire body quivers and undulates in the chair before bending at the waist and erupting into full on belly clutching laughter, trying desperately to regain breath he did not need. Apparently I'm quite the entertainer – I would take this act on the road if it hadn't already run out.


	3. Chapter 3 CV worthy skills baby!

**BPOV**

"Whitlock I'm fully prepared to throw down on this, I'm keeping her!"

Um... hello? In the room here!

I fixed my eyes to his and burned a little indignation in there for good measure.

"You. Yes, you. Oh and unknown asshole number two out there. I'm not a fucking house cat to be kept, either get on with it or fuck off. You're disturbing my sleep. Oh and shut the curtains. It's too bright. Not all of us have supervision. I'd like to keep what's left of mine. These are twenty twenty and I've sued for less." I kept my eyes locked with his. A stare down. This was the most entertainment I'd had in ages. But my face was doing a good imitation of his stone. Those sandy eyes were coming in pretty handy right about now – I doubt I could blink if I tried, those bastards were soldered open now. He'd probably have to close them when he finished draining me. Or not. I'm not sure what the etiquette is on post exsanguination. I'd ask to see a copy of the bylaws or something. Maybe they were unionised and had rules on this kind of shit...

He tittered in his chair. Hmmm... I shall dub thee chairpire!

And oh that little reaction of his requires some effort on my part now. I was planning on waiting for the main event, I was pretty tired despite the unknown slumber time in aforementioned said piece of heaven. I may be dying here but I'm not letting that little gem pass by!

I arched one eyebrow slowly but smoothly at him.

Oh yeah those hours in bed had allowed me to perfect that little movement.

It had always been both, or some half assed twitchy squinty face twist that made me look like someone had just rubbed a lemon straight into my retinas, but a parade of fool after fool and irony repeatedly slapping me upside the head had allowed me to hone that beautiful skill.

It was an art form now and I was fucking Picasso.

But I digress, because HELLO! The big bad scary vamp just tittered like a little fucking girl.

Tittering...?

"Seriously? Gaypire?" Sigh! I'd been looking for an opportunity to use that one for 6 years.

So worth the wait.

He actually looks a little impressed. Not that his face would show it, it has gone back to granite. But if you look close at the eyes it's there.

I am providing dinner and a show. Maybe he'll bury me with the mattress... or at least the pillow.

My stare skills have progressed to magi level, and I've just upgraded them to include the vacant graze for maximum peripheral awesomeness. These were CV worthy skills baby, because when you're stuck in a 12x12 box that smells like piss and is decorated like a poor man's version of one of esbitches neutral rooms you quickly learn find a modicum of interest in the details of the little things or risk shanking some overeager candy striper with a hairbrush. And that's when they withhold the good drugs. Bastards. You have to keep your eyes open or they'll come at you from the sides. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

So I catalogued the appearance of one Jasper Hale, apparently Whitlock, unless there was another of these sparkly freaks planning on snacking on me, entering the door on the other side of the room looking like he'd just rolled in from the rodeo. Cliché much? We know you're from the south, it couldn't be more clear unless you rode in on a fucking steer hollering the south will rise again. But I have to admit it's a step but from the previous Ken doll look.

Don't they realised I'm not going to share very far? Maybe they've got other diseased fools here as well. Maybe we're the vampire equivalent of those cheap canapés you get for those guests you reallllly don't want to see but have to feed anyway because protocol and Martha Stewart say so, so you get the cheapest nastiest on-sale shit you can find because they can't say you didn't provide.

Apparently I'd walked into an episode of the twilight zone and they'd decided to make this a special vampire edition... I wonder if there is anyone behind door number two? The list of potential assholes they could bring out is extensive.

Bet he was wishing he'd got a proper taste at my party now. Ha!

We were all still.

And quiet.

And that fucking sun was still shooting lasers in my face, but I was engaged in war so put that shit aside in a box and labelled it pending.

I could feel chair guy was getting fully into this competition as well now. _Finally_ a worthy challenger. But I was determined to hold this down for human kind. Maybe I could get this win etched on my tombstone. Or a rock. Or my bones in whatever ditch they left me in. This shouldn't be passed up without some kind of mark. They may have infallible memories but I don't trust those lying bastards not to cover this up.

And these sheets are _really_ very soft as well.

What the hell are they made of because I'd buy stocks and shares in these bad boys. If I had money. Or shares. Or knew where I could by shares. Where the hell does one acquire shares? (Note to self Bella – wiki that shit). Or had the time to see a return on them. Because people needed to be told about these. Maybe I could come back as a ghost and whisper dark naughty things about them in peoples ears. These were worth sticking around for. I wonder if I could get a cut? I'm fully prepared to discuss my rate and my hours.

And we're still staring.

And chairpire is dilating and contracting his pupils in an attempt to throw me off.

Amateur.

I've seen a lot of shit, and that's what you go with?

Pussy.

I don't know what reaction Jasper was hoping for in the corner, because he was clearly waiting for something from me. Whatever. I was almost comfy, and I didn't ask to be brought here. I'd already died at the side of that road and a thousand times over. This was just epilogue to me. Oh and I was fully engaged in my stare down with fuckjob number one in the chair there. I've got more important things to do here j-emo – go look constipated somewhere else or start putting out some reefer vibes.

Time ambled on.

I fully catalogued the remainder of the room. His fringe is defying gravity. It looks like I could take a stick to it and the hair would win.

More time ambles on.

What is with all the time now?

Jasper has clearly had enough and makes a move.

Right.

In.

My.

Line.

Of.

Vision.

With chairpire.

They are in cahoots.

"Xanax. What the _fuck_? I'm on my way to major interspecies victory here and you choose now to get involved? You have all eternity. Take a seat and think about something pretty"

He is fixing me with a stare of his own now. Mine is so better.

He's not going to let go of this is he...

Sighing I gestured to him to move out the way and levelled my laser vision back at chair guy "We'll pick this back up yeah? Get ready to be owned bitch"

That would be a lot more intimidating if I didn't sound like I'd just smoked a million cigarettes and then gone all out at a death metal concert... The thought was there though, and this is the most someone interaction someone has gotten out of me with me giving a shit in a while. He should be proud.

"Bella?"

Ok. Take a breath. Don't get stressed. That's when you blackout. And there are no more pills left, and the candy stripers have been warned.

"What happened to you?"

How to answer this... how to answer this...

"Bite me Hale."

Oh no she didn't!

Oh yeah I did.


	4. Chapter 4 Memories of a dead girl

**BPOV**

Chairpire is amused.

By me.

Again.

I want the mattress, the pillow, and these fuckawesome sheets of win when they toss me out.

And I want to glue ears and whiskers on him, photograph this and submit it to Lolcats.

Because chairpire is amused and he titters like a pussy.

And I am looking at Jasper, and Jasper is looking at me. And we are waiting for the other to say something to the shit I've just thrown out there into this really lovely room.

And chairpire is still amused and has decided on action.

He reaches back and grabs a pillow he had no need for from the chair he titters in, cocks his arm, and aims for j-emos face.

This is obviously going nowhere because I remember Jasper has wicked reflexes in a game of baseball I once and only ever saw once played live, a bat twirls and dances between his hands in my mind like a movie I watched but must remember I live in. He puts one hand out to deflect it. Jasper is not amused by chairpire and his attempt to divert this conversation. And the pillow snags on Jaspers outstretched fingernails and shears open like a knife skating through butter.

And we are all covered in feathers.

And I am suddenly looking at the memories of a dead girl I no longer recognise.

_**Flash back - Phoenix 2010 (M rated for a reason)**_

I forgot my keys in my locker at work in the haste to make it back in time, but the door has been propped open for me. They are home and out back. Renee is not patient and Phil has been itching to fire up the grill all day.

Men and there obsession with fire!

But the lights are off inside the hallway and everything is dark straight through the kitchen to the garden.

A glance up the stairs reveals the flickering flame of a candle.

What has she tried to plug in now!

I skip up the stairs wondering what the reasoning will be this time - maybe we'll make a fort again... There are bound to be no spare fuses here.

I flick the lights just in case.

They illuminate.

But there is no fort.

And nobody is waiting for the infamous hot sauce that sloshes in a tub in the bottom of my bag.

The once white room was now a deep red, blood had been splashed across every surface in the room.

Clumps of flesh stick to the walls, torn apart in a savage frenzy. Feathers from the mattress which has been slashed open were strewn across the room, in some cases in clumps mixed together with blood creating a sticky mass, in other patches they rest like frosting glazing a red velvet cake. It is violent, and it is raw, and it is primal.

The fan on the light spins and feathers floats down to me as the blades rotate and cut, they flow eddying and bowing on an invisible stream. One kisses the patent leather toe of my shoe.

I take a step

and it sticks there.

I look up and I am covered in feathers.

The bathroom door in the corner stands slightly ajar; I hope it's not like this in there too. I had spent the whole of yesterday cleaning it and I'd used up the dregs of the products Renee had hidden from herself around the house.

I walk in. I try to not register the way the carpet bubbles under my feet and the sucking at the rubber of the souls of my shoes. But it is there and my body is electric.

I vomit on the floor.

My mind is trying to expel the scene that threatens to sink into my skin, tattooing me in death.

Lying in a bath of red, a form chained to the shower rail takes deep wracking wheezing breaths, chunks of skin, and hair, a leg and both arms lay in the sink. The skin on the face has been all but torn off; only two dilated pupils stare back at me from the oozing lump of flesh. They are bright and the whites of them are startling.

The thing in the bath should no longer be recognisable. But the eyes. They are my mothers. But this is not my mother. And those can not be her eyes. And I can not be here because this can not exist. She lives in smiles and laughter, and the gash that bubbles with air and congealing blood will not, can not ever smile, and I am not listening to the sounds that are nothing like laughter rattle against off the tiled surfaces and strike my skin.

How is it alive?

Walking up to it, I withdraw the hunting knife that Charlie insisted I keep for self defence when he could no longer do the job from my bag. The thing in the bath stares at me and its head bobs and sways, not able to speak, conveying the message through this movement. It wants it done, it wants the pain to be over, and it knew it would not survive. I can not look at it's eyes. I can not associate this with her. _This_ is not _her_.

And that's what this is.

Self defence.

I will not touch it with my hands.

It is automatic and clinical. I quickly slice the knife though into the spinal cord between the vertebrae. This was the most efficient way to end the dear that leapt into the path of my car in the forests of Washington on my way out. Death is instantaneous and merciful. I remember the tow truck boys saying so.

I wipe the knife slowly on a single snowy white towel that has escaped the sprays and swipes that decorate the hand crafted tiles like a Kandinsky painting.

The red comes off and the knife is clean.

I place it carefully on the counter. You must always treat knives with respect.

The towel drops from my fingers to the floor.

Feeling woozy, the view starts to swim before my eyes. It is all red now.

Nothing in this room is alive.

I will not faint among this. I fear touching anything else. Too much has touched me already inside, and I worry the stains will not come out of this blouse. How did they get there? I didn't touch anything! We are out of Vanish and the store will be closed by now, and the nearest open one is too far to get a taxi to with the money I made in tips tonight in my bag. And there is an old trick with salt and water but I do not recall the proportions and that little something extra, and it has not been written down.

I should make a list of the things we need.

Drawing in shallow rapid breaths I grip firmly at the clawing and shrieking beast that whisper shouts in my ear that something is trying to escape my soul and roll up my spine and out of my throat which is raw with bile.

I back out of the bathroom, seeing the bedroom again but praying this scene does not burn into my eyes.

It is there, I am aware, but I am laughing and dancing in another time for a woman who smiles kindly with her whole heart at me.

I blink.

The scene is gone and I am through the front door and outside.

And the air here doesn't drift heavy with rust and salt. And the scene is transformed to shades of grey in the moonlight.

Fireworks rocket across the sky and burn like roman candles exploding spider like across the stars.

It is the 4th of July.

And my heart is bleeding out on a snowy white towel on a bathroom floor.

Flashing cars stream towards me in the distance. The pulsing lights brightening and darkening the edges of the blades of grass that slide though my finger tips black white black white as I attempt to ground myself to this world.

Time lurches and a card is placed my hands. It is for valentines but it is not that day. It is the 4th and there are explosions everywhere in the sky.

The edges are gaudy and trimmed with white lace. The card is flocked with red softness. And inside is it carefully inscribed with five words and a signature

_ Your heart, for my heart._

_ - V_

And I know this scene was sculpted with purpose and premeditation for me.

And I know of one person who would have seen this and is not seated beside me on the cold curb edge as the basalt leeches the heat from my bare legs.

I am cold again.

And a little girl will no longer dance for smiles.

She no longer exists.

_**--- End of flash back ---  
**_

I blink.

Chairpire is now floorpire, and Jasper has one hand wrapped around one of my spindly wrists - they are both breathing harshly. Gasping like fish out of water.

Somehow my eyes close.

I roll over and drift off to sleep.

This bed is warming in the sun and would not be the worst place to die...


	5. Chapter 5 Just shy of Happy

**AN. I had a few questions off post asking when this is based in terms of the books, and I don't want to say too much on where The Last Mile comes in because Bella's story will start coming out in the next couple of chapters (if you look at her ramblings after the gaypire quip in chapter two and the flash-WTF-back you'll see there are quite a few time gaps to be explained) - but expect her to mess with chairpire and j-emo at bit more before then... ha ha! but eclipse and breaking dawn definitely never happened. Because they were a waste of my valuable time and I like to pretend they don't exist and that Edward was not a pansyassed repressed mamma's boy with commitment and personal space issues, bella found her lost spine, kicked Edward to the curb and projected some serious lust at Jasper...  
**

**  
Anyways, enough with my rambling (see where my bella comes from?) and thanks for taking the time to read, I hope you are enjoying it as much as I am writing it! The morning commuters thank you for absorbing my vitriol (thank you word of the day calendar).**

**L x**

**p.s Happy is an actual town on route 27, and I tittered like chairpire at my desk when google earth blessed me with that gem! I am google's bitch, just like chairpire is mine – I won him in a stare down... but jemo is all ****prettyflour****'s, who has my permission to borrow chairpire at any time (read My Shiny Freak – it's so much fun!) Oh and floorpire would like you to review, even if it's one word stating 'WTF?' because I've turned into a review-whore like that...  
**

**p.p.s Some silly fool showed me how to work the frappe latte maker in our office, and just le sigh! beverage of heaven! I am now 90% caffeine and everything is amusing to me. They retaliated by hiding the mixer. I have declared war.**

I digress again, so on with the story! And a reformed ken doll wearing rodeo gear and checking out steers would like to say howdy bitches...

* * *

**JPOV**

I have known peter for some 100 plus years, and when the game face goes on, you listen.

Because somehow, he knows.

Two times out of three the chances are he's fucking with you, and there have been multiple instances where I've ended up at a group meeting for the emotionally repressed, a fanpire convention (good luck explaining that one to the volturi! He better hope he never runs into aro), or decked out in rainbow colours at a Louisiana pride rally – and that's a story for another time and a stiff glass of jack... But I've also come across the diary of my human life, the wedding rings I remember on my parents fingers, and a pair of boots that no longer fit but burn something deep down inside my chest when I inhale the supple leather.

So he only gets a beat down two out of three times – and I'd take those odds all the way to Vegas!

So when Peter lopes into the kitchen he'll never use all teeth and eyes and the biggest gaudiest fucking belt buckle I've ever seen (and yeah I believe the inscription reads 'i got the magic stick'. in rhinestones. But I'm not going to eye up his crotch. I don't bat an eye, or even two. Because that's peter, and somehow life and a whore from Mexico made him my brother, and that's just how he rolls. And I'm a little traumatised that I know they are rhinestones and not Swarovski crystal, I would hand over my man card if it wasn't in the claws of a short bitch in Alaska) – and casually announces your destiny is lying on the side of the road on route 27 just shy of a place called Happy waiting for you. You listen. And know it'll be a story either way. But still have to wonder where the odds lie today, and definitely take a moment to wonder what the good folks of 'Happy' were smoking when they named it that?!?

So I saddle up in a beast that is all steel and chrome, and leather and torque, and head on out of the ranch, wondering what I'll find this time.

I've got bail money so I should be good.

He is so full of anticipation and glee that I can feel him all the way down the driveway and I'm surprised he's not tapping out some weird ass dance on the counter top. But it's Peter, and he's been cracking himself up for the last month muttering about bullshit about chairpires or some sort of fuckery, and I gave up trying to figure that son of a bitch out eight decades ago. Charlotte would probably detach something he's fond of if she catches him reworking the polished limestone surfaces of her counters again anyway...

He's only just got recently got that left pinky back. He'd been bitching for its loss for a month before she felt he'd served his time.

The roads are quiet and I can kick back with the radio and relax.

Jeff Buckley's voice arches and croons to a fender telecaster out of the speakers and into the air that rushes and tumbles like silk over my arm resting on the open window.

_Eternal Life is now on my trail  
Got my red glitter coffin, man, just need one last nail  
While all these ugly gentlemen play out their foolish games  
there's a flaming red horizon that screams our names  
And as your fantasies are broken in two  
Did you really think this bloody road  
would pave the way for you?  
You better turn around  
and blow your kiss hello to life eternal, angel _

_Racist everyman, what have you done?  
Man, you've made a killer of your unborn son...  
Crown my fear your king at the point of a gun  
All I want to do is love everyone... _

_And as your fantasies are broken in two  
did you really think this bloody road  
would pave the way for you?  
You better turn around  
and blow your kiss hello to life eternal _

_Oh... _

_There's no time for hatred, only questions  
Where is love, where is happiness, what is Life,  
where is peace? _

_When will I find the strength to bring me release?  
And tell me where is the love in what your prophet has said?  
Man, It sounds to me just like a prison for the walking dead  
And I've got a message for you and your twisted hell  
You better turn around and blow your kiss goodbye  
to life eternal angel...  
Angel..._

Peter has been fucking with my stereo again. At least it's not high school musical this time. I should just smear him in fox piss because this no scent thing makes it goddamn hard to pin shit on him!

The road falls away under the tyres of my truck and a sign finally say I'm 5km away from Happy – I'd make a joke but it's just too easy. I snort a low chuckle and taste the air as I suck it back in through my mouth.

It tastes sweet like Georgia peaches having melted all day in the heat of the sun, but underneath that, there is a stench of death that paves a line down this road that may as well be painted black for all to see.

But there is something else... It's faint but every metre pulls a little bit more in.

The scent is unmistakable and screams in my face, and the memory of a night that changed the direction of my life barrels towards me like a runaway train. Freesia.

The hairs on the back of my neck rise in unison and if I had a pulse it would have quickened to a staccato tattoo.

_Bella_.

But Bella lives in Washington, in the cool woods of Forks, and doesn't tan well in the sun. Although let's be honest neither do I.

There is a the truck idling and spluttering at the side of the road and i'm out of the cab before it stops moving.

Bella.

But not Bella.

She smells _wrong_. And she looks empty. And she is smothered in shadows of death. And her fingers are embedded in the dirt.

And she's so pale and cold and there is no emotion whatsoever coming from her that I have to touch her neck to reassure myself that there is a pulse and she is not dead.

The air crackles and ignites. Her skin sparks. Then it is gone.

This is some weird ass shit, which always kicks my military training into gear, and in a split second I reflect on a memory that is etched in silver crescents across the skin of my throat and at my wrists, because for the second time in my life there is a woman on the side of a road in Texas, and I think she needs help. But this time I know it's for real, and there are no monsters ready to steal my life.

"Don't worry darlin', everything's going to be alright."

I think.

I hope?

But I have to wonder what her being here smelling and looking like death means. And just plain _what the fuck_, because she is far from Happy, and now, so am I, because this is apparently my destiny.

* * *

I can't keep my eyes off the rear-view mirror. Thank fuck for peripheral vision or I'd still be at the side of the road, because I can't take my eyes off of her.

Bella is in my truck.

And it's all wrong because she's hollow.

And what had shone out of her was bright and light and warm, and I hadn't realised I'd been crashing on the rocks, because the lighthouse hadn't existed until then.

And there is now nothing...

And _Bella_ is in my truck.

And I'm pulling up to the house and Peter better hide more than his pinky's because Bella is in my truck and I'd once plotted to smoother her with a pillow in her sleep, and I shouldn't have been allowed to touch her earlier.

I think he knows though because as I pull up and park he's already reaching into the back and lifting her out of the cab like spun glass with both hands, so they are safe for now.

He looks me square in the face but my eyes are locked somewhere else, and then gestures downwards with his head.

"Does this come with fries?"

....

....

....

_what the FUCK!_

My eyes are no longer fixed on Bella. They are cataloguing the order of the pieces I will be relieving Peter of. He can't hold on to her forever... I mean he can, his arms wont get tired, and we've got nothing but time here, but Charlotte will demand some hip action and that man can't say no to that pussy.

He smiles wryly at me and I realise I'm no longer stuck on a loop of Bella and _what the fuck_, and shoot out some appreciation at him. Sometimes Peter just _knows_.


	6. Chapter 6 WWSD

**AN. Holy hell. I'm on the caffeine come down. Everyone at work has locked hidden their coffee and locked away the sharp things and I'm almost tempted to mug the person on the desk next to me because they've been taunting me with their big shiny cup of heaven, and I want it. Lucky you though because I've channeled this frustration into writing. So I want to show you some chairpire tonight, and because I'm feeling generous tonight I'm going to give you some more JPOV, because chairpire's is a little small...  
but he wants me to tell you that that's the only small thing about him**...** naughty little chairpire he he!**

**L x**

**p.s Will write for caffeine. Do you have any?**

* * *

**PPOV**

I'm holding one of life's most precious gifts in my hands. She's about eighty years late but I guess heaven didn't want to let go of a soul like hers. And they aren't getting her back if I have anything to do about it.

She's hurting, but it's nothing that can't be fixed, and j-emo better not fuck this up because she's going to be my sister in every way that matters and I'll kill any motherfucker that looks at her sideways or makes her feel like anything less than the beautiful lady she is. Shit! Better flatten those emotions sharpish!

WWSD... What would Swan do...

Genius! Petey you naughty little scamp! Oh Swan you'd be so fucking proud if you weren't checked out right now. We're going to have so much fun!

"Does this come with fries?"

Ah fuck me! Jasper is eyeing up my limbs and looks even more pissed than when I put that ad in Transvestite monthly with those photoshopped pictures... fun times! I've still got the negatives somewhere... Swan is going to LOVE them. I know.

But SHIT, I saw that look every day for sixty years and I NEVER want to see it directed at me!

In fact, I think....

Yep!

My balls have just retracted.

Sorry boys, I'll miss you.

Suddenly I'm getting a shot of appreciation though and O-K... looks like I get to keep my balls and the rest of my appendages today so score me! And yeah! Charlottes going to be back in... 16 hours and those tiny panties she's bought are going to look so fucking good on my floor... mmmm purple...

But there's some pent up emotion in Jasper that needs to come out before he talks to my girl here that's only going to be satisfied with a kill so it's time to send the emopire out for a snack and a release.

"Go munch some carpet Jazz, I'll put her in the spare room until you get back"

"Fuck off! And for the last time, sheep taste like dirt you sack of shit"

That's more like it. Love you too brother! He looks a little dubious still...

I flutter my eyelashes at him and wink saucily "I'll sit in the chair in the corner like a good little boy and won't move till you get back hot stuff!"

With a final glare and a buzz of acceptance in the air he shakes his head at me and darts off over the fence and into the trees out of sight.

I lean down and kiss her softly on the forehead "Come on swan, let's get you inside. There's a comfy bed with your name on it and I'm going to look after you"

My family is finally complete. And god help anyone that tries to fuck with them.


	7. Chapter 7 The scene is a birthday

**AN. If anyone asks I was here writing and you have no idea what happened to that bitches frappe latte...**

**Oh and here's your JPOV. I got caught up tampering with my avatar and couldn't stop till I was happy, because I'm a magpie like that and get distracted by shiny pointless stuff...**

**Not all POV's will overlap in the future, I just want to set things up and then we'll start letting them loose**

**So here it is - hope you like it. If not, don't read! It is after all the crazy workings of my mind, and not many that go in there live to tell the tale.**

**L x**

* * *

**JPOV**

It's a bad idea leaving Bella with him. I just know it. That asshole is up to something, and I'm telling Charlotte because no one can put that fucker in his place like her and I'm not above being a bitch like that.

It's a bad idea.

But she's out of it and not going anywhere, and I'm suddenly back where I was eight years ago and need to get this shit out before I vomit it up all over them, and Bella definitely doesn't need that because she's hollow enough as it is and she doesn't need this fucked up shit filling her back up.

Because I'm a motherfucking empath and was apparently too fucked up to even be able to identify what real love is, and it taunts me daily.

I often hold that moment in the palm of my mind like a snow globe, rotating it, shaking it, and watching the tiny shiny flakes tumble and fall upon the figures frozen in place in a pale room.

The scene is a birthday and the room is polarised by a broken beautiful mess in the corner and a grouping of stone statues on the other side. Rubies drip drip drip from a crystal cut and I press play on the movie in my mind.

_The air room is swimming with emotions and I'm tucking in like a fat man at a buffet who has no choice._

_Boredom_

_Anticipation_

_Spite_

_Temptation_

_Amusement_

_Relief_

_Decision_

_Satisfaction_

_In the wreckage in the corner of the room a light shines steady warm bright and constant and none of these other things that are stabbing at my skin like knives, and I want to run to it and hold it tight and keep the bad things away. My mind makes the decision for me and I do. Waves of bloodlust crash and break upon me like a tsunami before I'm halfway there; I'm caught in the rip tide, dragged kicking and screaming under as set after set of waves roll in. _

_The light is now a siren, it sings and lures me to it with pretty notes, and I won't stop until its mine._

_Suddenly arms are pinning me down and I'm being hauled outside. _

_I want to dance to the pretty song and bathe in a sea of her blood and this fucker is going to be the first to die cause it's drip drip dripping on the carpet and it should be sliding hot hot hot down my throat, soothing the fire that is roaring there like the surface of the sun!_

_Waste!_

_Want it!_

_Mine!_

_I envisage my goal and my mind is lapping at the elixir as it pools at the surface of her snowy white skin. Long languid luscious licks that draw more out before I trail my nose up her fragrant skin to that fat juicy vein that just tractors me in like a landing beam before I open my jaw and sink my tee- _

_The big one plants a shot in my gut. _

_A reflex my body no longer needs expels the air in my chest as I'm pressed down into the ground by thick steel arms, it gives in inches and I'm choking in soil and grass as my throat claws the unneeded oxygen back in like my life depends on it._

_It's fresh._

_And clean._

_And dirt and grass, and nothing else._

_I am myself again._

_I don't want to be._

_I'm not struggling anymore, the horror of what nearly happened crashes in. A sea of emotion rolls and roils around me. The pure unadulterated paralysing horror is mine. Emmett is still holding me down and feeling sad and an unending loss. The contempt and satisfaction and pleasure are coming from my wife._

_I'm unmoving and submissive face down in the dirt, and it all hits me harder than Emmett's fist in my gut. _

_My life flashes before my eyes and I realise that I am loved like a shoe or a purse and treated with less respect._

_They have their own room and can be left unattended on their own._

_My wife shrugs at my unasked question and eyeballs the house before turning to Emmett. _

_"It's alright now Emmett, you can go back now, everything's ok"_

_His eyes are crying tears that will never spill and it's all my fault. He looks sad for me and that tears a little bit more off my already tarnished soul._

I'm so sorry_. For everything. The words are inadequate and it would kill me to speak them aloud but I try convey it anyway to him with everything I have left because what else is there? And I am. So desperately desperately sorry. He is dejected but accepting of my plea and my eyes follow his heavy steps back inside._

_The light is still shining in the living room and my eyes connect with hers. I am shamed. It glows brighter and rays of its warmth reach me out here where my face is still pressed into the slick grass and mud, and my body is shivering with chills that have nothing to do with the cool night air, wrapping me in a blanket of comfort, forgiveness and love. And it burns my skin in contrast to the cold that is seeping into my soul as Alice quirks her head and looks down at me like a bug on the ground._

"_It's been fun! I'll forward your things on. Don't come back here again"_

_My _wife_ is speaking these words at me. I know what each of them means. I'm literate. I've got two degrees in the English language and one in Spanish alone. _

_But I don't understand them. I can't move and I can't say anything, and I'm feeling as dumb as shit because I can't move and I can't say anything!!! _

_She _means_ it all._

_She taps me on the nose like a naughty dog and bounces back to the house._

_I recoil like I've been slapped and suddenly I'm running in the darkness and heading south to the only people I can trust. _

_The light no longer touches me and I'm that little bit colder for it._

_The last sixty years of my life have been a lie._

_And nobody runs after me._

I press stop, rewind, and play it again and again and again and again and again before I place it back on the shelf.

That night was not all my fault and I know it now, and I know at least one if not two of them knew it then.

I've drained two bob cats and a cougar before I know it, and I'm half way through a sheep before Peter's earlier words catch up with me and I'm spitting that shit back out.

He's going to smell it on me and I'm never going to hear the end of it! Fucking Peter!!!

I lie back on a grassy bank and empty my mind of everything.

I stay there till the sun comes up.

I feel a little bit warmer, but it's not the same.

* * *

It's 11 before I'm back from town in a new change of clothes - I can still smell that sheep and so will Peter. Clearing the fence my legs carry me towards the only place I'll ever call home. I'm almost in the door when a wave of pure _glee _nearly knocks me clean down and I can hear Peter laughing his sparkly ass off inside.

Just, _Fucking Peter_!!! What was I thinking leaving _Bella _with that retard! He's going to scare the shit out of her!

Hearing my footsteps ringing out on the flagstones in the entrance way he shuts down the amusement and calls out to me.

"Whitlock I'm fully prepared to throw down on this, I'm keeping her!"

Awww shit, what has he done now...

I'm about to call that bastard every name under the sun and tear him a new one when a raw scratchy voice peals out.

"You. Yes, you. Oh and unknown asshole number two out there. I'm not a fucking house cat to be kept, either get on with it or fuck off. You're disturbing my sleep. Oh and shut the curtains. It's too bright. Not all of us have supervision. I'd like to keep what's left of mine. These are twenty twenty and I've sued for less."

I'm nearly back on my ass again, and somehow by the power of greyskull Peter is limiting ass-knocking his mirth to a light titter?

The scratchy voice rings out again "Seriously? Gaypire?"

BURN! That's one for the bank.

Who is that in there? He better not have fucking eaten Bella! I'm sure as shit not stupid enough to not notice if he's tried to replace her with someone else. If it doesn't work with horses it sure as shit isn't going to work with a human girl.

I stop and scent the air.

It's still freesia.

I open the door and walk into the room, and I'm back on _what the fuck_. Bella is in fact in the bed. Her and Peter are staring at each other. And nobody is taking any notice of me.

I give them both 20 minutes because I'm a stealthy silent motherfucker and she must be in shock because there's still no emotions coming off her and her eyes are burning a hole in the back of Peter's skull and she hasn't noticed me.

I give them another 20 minutes before I realise that this is going nowhere fast and I'm feeling like a naughty child being ignored in the corner, and I'm actually getting a little pissed right now.

Stepping into their line of vision I'm finally rewarded with a reaction from Miss Swan, but it's nothing like I'm expecting. Not that I know what to expect because apparently I'm back on _what the fuck_.

I need a new phrase...

"Xanax. What the _fuck_? I'm on my way to major interspecies victory here and you choose now to get involved? You have all eternity. Take a seat and think about something pretty"

Guess she did notice me.

I'm almost tempted to sit down and think about something pretty before I remember that I'm a badassed motherfucking soldier of death, _Major_ no less, and I don't take shit from anyone anymore, especially ninety pound soaking wet little girls!

"Bella?" Because I'm seriously beginning to wonder if the last time Peter punched me in the nose for accidentally checking out his wife's rack didn't break something and I'm scenting skills have gone to shit, because I'm almost not sure if this is her.

"What happened to you?"

There's a pause.

I wait.

Maybe it's not her, this girl looks confused.

"Bite me Hale."

Oh yeah, it is.

....

....

....

....

I've got no idea what to say to that cause ummm.... yeah.... I did try take a bite out of her but my massive vampire brain has decided to short and I can't think of any way to explain what happened right now that doesn't make me sound like a whiny bitch.

Peter is darting his eyes backwards and forwards between the two of us and watching like this is the greatest show on earth.

I'm still hoping someone is going to say something because someone has stolen all of my words and the english language is currently a mystery to me.

Bella is still looking expectantly at me.

Peter has reacted the only way he knows how to and throws shit at me.

Because that's really going to help you asswipe!!!!! I bat the pillow away in annoyance and it fucking spilts open EVERYWHERE and I am NOT picking those up. Ok maybe I am being a whiny bitch right now, but those things stick everywhere and you never get them all! I've bitten a few pillows in my time, I would know.

It's this little innocuous thing that sucks all the air out of the room.

Bella has stopped the stare down with me and is looking with suprise at a single feather that balances on the tip of a finger.

For a moment there is nothing, there is silence and everything is still. Hurricane Bella has just rolled in and the pressure is way fucking low, then my mind is on fire, and apparently so is the heart I didn't think I had because that bitch is burning too.

Time loses all meaning and there is a body next to me writhing on the floor. I know who it is and I want to help but DAMN! This is worse than the change and I can't even focus enough to try manufacture and pump out something to counteract this!

My body knows how to stop this though because it's moving itself across the floor and my hand is reaching out to circle Bella's wrist.

Spark!

A circuit switches, she blinks, normality returns to the room, and she's looking at us totally non plussed and not like she just knocked two vampires on their collective asses.

She obviously decides we aren't worth her time right now, rolls over and drifts off to sleep.

I'm not sure what just happened.

I look at Peter.

He's not sure what just happened.

Thankfully one of us has regained the ability to use their brain and conjur words because he looks me dead in the eye and mutters "_what the fuck_!"

We really need a new phrase.

* * *

**So there's your JPOV. Updates probably won't happen till the weekend now because I apparently have to do actual work for my pay cheque. Not sure where I was when this discussion took place but apparently jotting down the random workings of my mind and plotting office caffeine domination with my resistance comrades doesn't count! Who knew?!?  
But I have just written a few cheeky future sections, and I'd taunt you with some teasers but I'm feeling greedy and don't want to share right now :p**

﻿


	8. Chapter 8 Eating Bella

**AN. Yeah. So.... I'm on the train yesterday morning pootling off to work and BAM! Chairpire is whispering some plot in my ear so I whip out my notebook because DAMN! that's some good story right there and I think my readers will get down with that. And I'm sitting there and scratching away in this little notebook that materialises like magic from the depths of my bag (and Yahtzee because _seriously_ when did I put that in there? 2007 maybe and I've only just found it? Oh look the front page actually says 2007 and there are tiny hearts around my name! Cute! And a little disturbing... I have actually drawn hearts AND *stars* around my name... maybe I wasn't always this sarcastic? Or maybe 2007 me was taking the piss... this also sounds likely but caffeine didn't exist to me then so that time period has been wiped from my mind) when I notice the person next to me has decided that they want in – because the newspaper they are reading is _DULL_ and have started reading my writing instead... So I initiate eye contact (a danger on public transport let's be honest) and he's staring, and i'm staring, and i'm getting chapter two flashbacks, and he's still staring back and possibly looking a little afraid now... So I cock the eyebrow (yeah that skill is on my CV too) and politely state "what?" it's early, I have had no caffeine yet, he's lucky he got four letters and some punctuation thrown in there, others have been less lucky... **

**"What's a PPOV?" **

**_psssh!_ If you don't know I'm not explaining! And RUDE MUCH?!?! Wait for my update like everyone else and then review me with your questions! **

**"Google it" **

**Yes, we youth of today are cheeky buggers, deal with it sunshine! (24 is still young right?)**

**I'm still smiling when I get into the office. And the proles are looking a little afraid... they should.  
**

**L x**

* * *

**BPOV**

The sun is bleeding into the horizon and there is a blond vampire two inches from my face. Ok. That's closer than the last time I woke up. Maybe the next one will just crawl up inside my spine and live there! I don't think I've seen this one before but that means dick because i'm a "_danger magnet"_ like that or as I believe the super secret bonus item in 'vamp-eye spy' quarterly. I bet they have to get a picture with me and the winner gets a t-shirt and a fuckton of kudos or something. They live a long time, they must get really bored sometimes.

Anyways. Like I said. There is another vampire in my face and she's looking a little confused. Not sure why, I've clearly staked out this bed as my territory and claimed this land as my own. I haven't got round to making the flag yet and ratifying this with the UN, and I've not had anything to drink in a while so I can't exactly pee out the extent of the borders, but we shoot trespassers like vermin here, so scat!

She cocks her head minutely to the side, but otherwise makes no movement.

Guess it's time to roll out the welcome wagon to the natives before I sell their land and give them smallpox...

I widen my eyes like Disney's Bambi and flutter my lashes, causing a hurricane somewhere on the other side of the world.

"Are you going to eat me?"

May as well get straight to the point. The other fuckers aren't pulling through on their end of the bargain. Where have all the proper vamps gone? I've been stuck with the pussies! Unknown vamp number two takes a step back and appraises me like a steak in a butchers shop, or a Robert Pattinson GQ outtakes thumbs in belt eyes smouldering at the camera photograph... because just _damn!_ you _soooooo _would!

"Not until you have a wash down there. You stink sugar. Clean much?"

Oh snap! I like you!

There was a time when I'd back down from something like that and blush like a fire hydrant in the corner, but I'm Bella-_fucking -_Swan now and I break bitches every day because fear is a waste of time and who knows when it'll run out. But this little lady has just called a page from my play book and I can respect that. Plus her boots are all kinds of wicked.

"And your not my type so looks like we're both shit out of luck. Which of the fuckups is yours? Chairpire or j-emo?"

"Chairpire? Fuck do I even want to know?"

"Well apparently manners were frowned upon when he was turned or he's the wrong side of special because introductions were not issued, and he decided it was ok to eyeball me from the chair and then attempt to laugh his pretty face off, so I had to name him myself. Chair + vampire = chairpire. What's not to get? Oh yeah and where the hell am I because I should be in Mexico and the cabana boys are going to be upset"

"Pick a body part"

Ok random much? Have I blacked out and missed a block of conversation again?

"Ummm... what?"

"You look like a smart girl, and you appear to have some brain function, what's not to understand? Pick. A. Body. Part."

Well OK crazy lady I'll play your game...

"Pinkys?" They're a body part right? Christ if I knew there was going to be a fucking quiz I might have at least pretended to have studied!

This answer appears to please her no end though. I've hit the star prize and I'm getting the all expenses paid holiday and the jet-ski! Woo! Wonder if they'll throw in the cuddly toy...

"Nice. You're just outside Balmorhea, Texas" She's having a little squint in my direction like she's stuck on the demon level of a sudoku puzzle; it's doing all sorts of fucked up things to her face and giving her the patented j-emo constipated look, which is all kinds of funny "You obviously know what we are, I can smell Jasper all over you, and judging by the nickname you know what he can do. So who are you?" There's nothing threatening about this. She's dealing with this a lot better than I would if I found someone molesting my fuckawesome mattress and sheets and pillows... Not that she really needs them but yeah I'd still cut a bitch for that. And I'm curious over how much of me she can smell jasper because _southern gentleman_ my ass! Those hands better have stayed above the clothes! This is the most action I've got in a while and I was passed the fuck out!?! No fair!

"Bella Swan. Vampire magnet extraordinaire. I'd give you my card but I wasn't expecting to be kidnapped and those are in my other pants. And ditto?"

"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella Swan, I'm Charlotte Whitlock. And I apologise for on all sorts of levels for '_chairpire_', aka my husband Peter. He was repeatedly smacked in the head as a newborn. Fortunately what the man lacks in social skills is made up in other areas..."

Over share? TMI!!!! TMI!!!! But also I'm imagining that in my head because they're both pretty smoking and I traded all the good porn for gas at that last stop... Hang on though, because _three_ Whitlocks? This is just too fucking good!

"J-emo's into the big love?"

And there's the laughter again.

I'm going to send them a bill for this comedy act. I should be in Vegas with a pair of tigers and an assistant. Oh and I want the tigers in sparkly waistcoats and hats because it's my show and I want to watch the poor fucker who has to wrangle them into those each night from behind a pain of really thick glass, with some popcorn, and maybe a bottle of jack, and definitely these sheets! I could use a good laugh that's not at my expense.

"I like you" Gee make a girl blush why don't you!

"Who doesn't? Well actually there's this candystriper in Colorado who's got issues but bitch tried to separate me from the remote midway through the season finale of Grey's so she's only got herself to blame. And there's this dipshit of a psychologist they sent me to for that amongst other things, although we might be pretty good now his kids like him. And there's some dogs in Washington... In fact the list might be pretty long but whatever. It's not my fault if they're too stupid to recognise the cool"

She's looking a little amused and nodding but it's the good kind, she's laughing with me and not at me so I can cross her off the shit list and move her into the win column for now.

"Nah Jasper introduced Peter to vampire-ism back in whenever, so it's like father-brother-son"

"Jasper bit Peter? I knew he was into the kink! It's always the quiet ones you need to watch out for" What's so fucking difficult, he's got no problem taking a bite out of everyone else, what's wrong with me now?

"Isn't it always though!"

She's still giving me the scratch and sniff look and I'm getting a little annoyed now because 1) if I leave the bed to go in search of a shower do I lose the squatters rights on the bed here... not acceptable! 2) where is my bag cause these clothes are in fact a little rank, 3) do they have a shower? And are the towels as good as these sheets... 4) I am not going through the effort of having a wash if they're going to chow down - they can do the hard work if they're that bothered.

"So... back to the big question. Are you people snacking on me or what?"

"I'm going to go with not. I prefer my meals without a side of cancer and I don't recognise your face from the rap sheets, so your good for now. Bathroom and your bag are across the hall. Take your time, I'm going to talk with the two fuckups outside"

_What the fuck_! "Is there a fucking newsletter dedicated to my life that nobody has told me about? I want veto power and editors rights!"

She's tapping her nose like that explains everything but I'm not like Fuckward so I can't pull that shit out of her mind so circle my hand in the universal gesture to explain the fuck on...

"When you've been around long enough you know the chemo smell. What is it?"

I'm not getting the sympathy or pity vibes here so I'll throw her a bone and lay it out. I have high jacked this bed after all.

"Inoperable Anaplastic Astrocytoma Grade 3. In the words of my doctors, and I use that term very loosely, je suis fucked"

"Sucks to be you" Really?

"Story of my life blondy, story of my life"

She reaches down, picks something off the pillow and glides out of the room.

Now about that shower... I hope all my stuff is still in that bag.

* * *

**I was so tempted to leave you here but hey it's the weekend and I'm feeling generous so buckle up for a little bit of J-emo**

* * *

**JPOV**

When we could stand Peter and I beat a hasty strategic retreat outside cause hell we just got our asses kicked for the first time _ever_ and some regrouping and strategising needs to go down army style.

"Jazz man, _what the fuck_ was that in there!"

"Fuck if I know Peter, I was hoping you'd clue me in. Don't you just know shit?"

"It doesn't work like that and you know it! I'm not like the magic 8 ball you chained yourself to"

I cringe a little deep inside.

"Low blow man, low fucking blow"

He had the good sense to look a bit sheepish and knocked me down on the grassy bank. Guess that's my apology right there...

"You were the one projecting that shit in there, so I'll say again, _what the fuck_?"

I do a quick rewind and... shit guess I was... but that pain didn't come from me.

"Shit that was all from the illustrious miss swan" my eyes widen at this realisation and I'm surprised those babies didn't just pop right out! "I've had nothing since I picked her up and then BAM! it came out of nowhere and sucked me under hard"

Peter's suddenly got the naughty eyes... what? Oh come on!!! That wasn't even a good one! So I charlie horse him in the leg and he goes down next to me. Fucker.

"Swan as in Forks Swan?" I nod and somehow there isn't as much surprise coming off him as I thought there would be, he knows what went down back then. This is not the same girl I told him about.

We both fall silent and contemplate whatever that was back there as we lay back and bask in the sun like lizards on a hot day, and pretend to feel the heat. Cause I don't know about Peter but that little experience back there made me just a little bit colder deep down inside and I'd like to pretend for a while.

....

....

....

The sun is being swallowed by the horizon before gliding steps stroll casually towards us across the grass from the house.

We both roll over and look towards the noise.

Charlotte's back.

That should keep Peter in line for a few hours.

She's radiating all sorts of casual and a little bit of mischief as she makes her way over, and that, right there, should have been the warning sign.

Suddenly she pauses and lifts a fingernail to her teeth. Wiggles it around a bit. And then gently extracts a strand of long brown hair, observes it, and lefts it drip to the ground.

Oh _SHIT!!!!!_

She's eaten Bella!


	9. Chapter 9 Maybe I’m hallucinating

**AN. So. I started this story a week ago and at this moment in time 985 of you non sparkly fools have had a cheeky little sneak and peak and refreshed ****3,121 pages**** (just found this little section with all sorts of graphs and charts – booyah! I've got stats to backup my madness now!) and yeah, I may have read that and had a little prance around my room. **

**You. Guys. Made. **_**Me**_**. Prance. **

**Like a little bitch. **

**I hope you're all very happy with yourselves as a piece of my soul died when that prancing finished and I realised what I'd done... I had to glare at my friend's kittens this evening just to bring the force back into balance! **_**KITTENS**_**!!! Innocent kittens!!! She invites me into her house with the promise of free pizza, beer, and a whole host of new x-factor fools to mock, because yeah we enjoy being bitches like that... and I glare at her new kittens. I've been moved out of the coach section and into business class on the plane to hell. **

**At least i'll get the complementary wash bag...**

**Some of you have also started to pimp the story out and asked me if this is ok, and yeah I promised my mum I'd never do this but I need to pay back those uni loans so... ok...**

**I'm new and inexperienced (leans over, flutters eyelashes and runs a finger up the inside of your leg) but i'm eager and willing to please... whore away!**

**So in light of my new spank me on my ass and call me your bitch status, your love of all things chairpire and j-emo, and especially the new and improved bella-**_**fucking**_**-swan (because you guys seem to like the fact that she found her lost spine – chairpire was hiding it btw), oh and charlotte because she's fun and has awesome shoes, here's some JPOV, then some BPOV, and then a little bit more JPOV! I know, I'm just too good to you – don't tell the real world, I've got a reputation to uphold and you're only endangering the kittens...**

**So where were we.... oh yeah, they think Char has just eaten Bella... **

**Chairpire wishes...**

**

* * *

  
**

**JPOV**

I am ice.

The world has stopped.

The pure unadulterated paralysing horror is once again mine.

_Bella..._

Her name echoing through my head releases the bullet from the gun and I'm off.

A resounding crack behind me booms in my wake.

My legs and arms pump with purpose, my muscles anticipating the adrenaline that will never flow.

There is a slowing beat coming from the house in front of me and my body targets it and locks on.

Maybe I can save her like she saved me.

_Bella... I'm so sorry._

My hands are reaching out, light envelopes me and I'm gone.

* * *

**BPOV**

I'm so tempted to divorce the bed and runaway with this shower. Maybe I can keep one on the side and have them both...

Massage jets are embedded all over the tiles and a monsoon showerhead the size of an umbrella is kissing droplets of hot soft water lovingly over every inch of my skin as I sit back on the heated ledge that lines one wall of this box of joy.

_This_, this is my heaven.

The surface of my skin is glowing a fiery red as the heat melts millimetre by millimetre further into my muscles and bones.

The dirt and grime has been shed in a cloud of peach foam and bubbles that danced and popped in the air, and has vanished into the drain in the floor.

I actually feel warm.

It's beautiful and almost foreign. I want to stay right here in this moment forever.

I lean my head forwards and bury myself in the river of warmth, as my body wracks with a sudden shiver and a cool breeze buffets my skin.

...

...

Something's different.

...

...

Hang on...

This wasn't here a second ago...

Maybe I'm hallucinating. They said this could happen.

Odd choice.

...

...

I take a moment.

Close my eyes.

Centre myself.

Breathe deep.

Exhale.

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Open them again.

And look down.

...

...

Yes.

That is Jasper.

In. The. Shower.

With. Me.

...

...

Arms and legs and body wrapped around me and huffing at me like I'm a new stick of glue as the water diverts and coils around our conjoined form. Steam swirls in intricate whorls as the tiny drops catch the light and sparkle rainbow bright under the halogen bulbs, before coalescing and raining crystal like into his hair, as his clothes bleed dark under the gathering wet.

One hand does in fact have a rather firm grip on my ass. The other. Well that's currently under my right breast, fingers trying to melt themselves into my skin. His legs have blended with mine and pushed me back on to the heated ledge.

Half of my body is on fire. The other half frozen.

I'm not sure which.

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Charlotte said she could smell you all over me but at least buy a girl dinner and some flowers J-emo. What would your mamma say!"

His eyes find mine through a wet matted mess of golden curls and something screams echoing back there deep and full of dark. He has seen the pain of life, it is etched into his soul, and he is still here. A survivor. Living but not living. Like me.

He blinks.

It's gone.

He suddenly looks aware that he is in fact holding me naked in the shower like a long lost lover.

"Holy shit!"

"Decided to come back to the really world? Nice to see you too. Now, hand me a towel or finish the job..."

He stumbles backwards looking dazed and confused and almost goes through the glass shower door that he must have somehow managed to prop open on his way in.

I'm not sure what is the more pressing question at the minute a) the fact that I've just made a vampire stumble. Me. Bella Swan. Reformed lifetime member of Stumbler's Anonymous. Or b) what the fuck was Jasper doing huffing and grabbing at my ass in the shower.

His hands are pressing into his eyes and his shock and embarrassment is projecting everywhere. Fortunately every inch of my skin is still hot and glowing from the shower that is still tinkling away in the background or his sheer mortification would be producing the world record breaker of blushes. And I haven't blushed in a long time.

He's stuttering and mumbling all kinds of shit at warp speed and I am still naked. After six months of post chemo sponge baths when I was too weak to make it to the bathroom, and two years of rest stop cleanups I'd pretty much lost all sense of shyness. I'm only seeing the funny as he stumble paces all jittery back and forth with his fingertips rubbing repeatedly across his face.

"oh god ... your hair! ... thought you were dead ... warm ... charlotte ... oh god ... my eyes ... naked! ... eaten ... shitfuck!"

Guess I'm getting my own towel then. I reached out a grab one from the rack just outside the door and HELLO! this thing apparently warms them too _nice _and I'm wondering if there's a way to mate the sheets and the towels because we could parachute the offspring into the middle east and hey presto everyone's happy and singing kumbaya round the campfire! Science has to have a way to achieve this, I mean come on they kept Jacko alive for that long... I'm going to write my suggestions to the senator of this fine state when I Google his ass and find out who the fuck he is.

Jasper's still muttering and flailing wildly and I'm concern for the safety of the glass door. It would be a tragedy if I didn't get a second go around in there.

On his next trip back round I reach out and brush the matted hair from his face.

* * *

**JPOV**

_Warm._

Light.

_Safe._

Home.

_Warm._

I'm sooooo warm.

My mind is bobbing and floating along a river of peace. I'm wrapped in a blanket of softness, and I want to lie back on the deck, bask in the glow of the sun, and let the current take me all the way out to the sea. I want to stay here forever, in the warm and the light, but there's a buzzing in the background that is getting progressively louder.

And why am I wet...?

Has the boat tipped over?

I don't want to but my eyes open and the sun and the river aren't there. My mind feels the loss and memories of my existence come rushing back as two pools of molten chocolate pull me in and drown me.

I blink.

Maybe when I open my eyes the sun and the river will come back...

My eyes open and water is streaming across my face.

For a moment I almost believe I'm crying. Then my peripheral vision scans the scene.

I'm in the shower?

Maybe that's the warm.

Why am I in the shower?

Hang on... someone else is the shower with me...

My arms and legs are holding them to me like a survivor clinging to the rocks in a storm.

Who the fuck am I holding on to?

Why is there a heartbeat...

"Holy shit!"

_BELLA!!!!!!_

"Decided to come back to the really world? Nice to see you too. Now, hand me a towel or finish the job..."

Oh god! Bella!

Bella's dead!

I stagger back away from this apparition that taunts me with flesh and heat, smelling like peaches and flowers, with beads of water that slide down down down... My fingers try to rub the image from my eyes but it's burned in there, painted in painstaking detail on the back of my eyelids and it's not coming away.

There is a whooshing drum beating in the background. Each beat is trying to knock something into my head but I'm not sure what.

Then it hits me. The drum is her heart.

And I was in the shower with Bella.

Bella, who was naked in the shower.

And I had my arms wrapped around her pinning her to me.

And she was naked!!!

My hands are burning with the residual heat of her skin and the left side of my face is on fire where it was pressed into the soft flesh of her stomach.

_So soft..._

She's alive!!!

But Charlotte, and that piece of her hair! I thought she was dead!

Oh god the warm was Bella and I was all over her, naked, in the shower!

Charlotte! You devious bitch! I thought you'd eaten her, but she's alive and behind my eyes naked, not eaten. Oh shitfuck!

And _oh god_ I've been rambling this all out and I'm still in the damn bathroom.

With Bella.

Who is still nake-

Fire is blazing across my forehead and I'm suddenly aware that I've just stopped pacing. When did I start pacing? Tiny fingers are wrapping around the hands that are trying to rub my mortification from my eyes, which is not fucking working! and pulling them gently from my face.

Oh thank god she's found a towel!

_I think..._

Bad Jasper! No!

I can't look her in the eyes but my face is being tugged up against my will to meet hers.

"Can I get dressed or are you going to watch that too?"

She sounds amused. Well that's just fucking great, I'm glad one of us is! Because I think I've just found a new way to kill a vampire and it involves pure and utter mortification.

"I'll just be errr... leaving... so yeah... It's been nice seeing you again Bella"

I'm out and through the bathroom door before I'm even sure if the words having registered with her. Darting into the living room and folding myself into brown leather armchair before covering my face with my hands again as I run over the end of that clusterfuck.

"_It's been nice seeing you again Bella?_ What the fuck! You moron Jazz!!!"

"I concur Major. Do you concur Peter?"

"Char, my love, my sweets, lady of my heart, I motherfucking concur"

Oh fuck.

I look up and the two of them are seated opposite me, eyes dancing with amusement, their faces trying to hold back the smirks that are radiating unbound from their emotions.

Peter is holding the right side of his face as it fuses back on.

When did that happen?

Oh yeah, that crack as I sprinted off to the house... _damn_!

"Got a little somethin' on your face there peety?" I smirk at him.

"Oh you can shut up as well. Got anything to tell me? Anything to do with the reason you're dripping all over my couch?" She's cocking a well defined eyebrow at me and shit I'm actual a little afraid...

"I told you they were rude! Can't get the staff these days"

Bella has just strolled casually into the room, lightly rubbing a towel over her still damp hair, in a new set of clothes that fit snugly over her fully grown adult form.

_Little Bella grew up..._

It takes a moment and a double take to register the words on the t-shirt that is spread tightly across her ample chest before I recoil back. _What the fuck_?

'_Vampires. You can bite my un-sparkly human ass_'

She sits down on the only other free chair and folds her legs up underneath her, cocks her head and squints at me, her eyes searing into mine.

"J-emo you're so uptight if I shoved a lump of coal up your ass, in two weeks, you'd have a diamond. Chillax. Although... Char do you know where I can get a lump of coal? I like shiny things and Jazz here can put that second power of his to good use. I'll share if we can come to some kind of arrangement about those boots you're sporting there"

I have to shake my head to clear the myriad of thoughts that are rolling through – it doesn't help that every other one is from that shower...

Time to get some answers.

* * *

**p.s Luvmesomejasper, did you catch that little bit of ferris bueller in there? That, was _all_ for you! Because I'm awesome like that and I love me some 80s! Huzzah!  
**


	10. Chapter 10 The smell of sulphur

**AN. FML. This was supposed to go up earlier today but my flatmate who I FOOLISHLY made a gym pact with for an upcoming wedding we're both featuring in (yours truly is chief bitch – can you imagine the speech I have planned? What were they thinking?!?!) decided to drag my lazy ass out and then held me captive for 4 hours!!! 4! I was like SHIT! I've got fic... I mean work... to do!!!! The rules we set up stated we were to take turns, so, I am plotting my revenge trip and it's going to be good. My aching muscles demand retribution... ****I'd have threatened her with a beat down but we put a pair of fuckhot expensive shoes riding on this because we knew one of us would crack. And yeah, I want them. And I WILL win! ****She's working all this week without a day off, so yeah, I'm going to wake her ass up _EARLY _on the weekend and drag her out! I'll give up some sleep for this. It's worth it.  
**

**So, I've got 6,000 words to give you this evening – but you're getting it spread over 2-3 updates over the next few hours, because she seriously fucked up my plan for the day, despite the fact that I will be looking good in my dress...  
**

**Also, I have finally succumbed to the crack that is twitter, so you can follow my random musings if you're crazy enough /catonspeed **

**Enough about me and my piss poor update excuse though, because let's be honest, you don't care and are here for some show and tell, and it's Bella's turn with JPOV, so here's part 1 for the night...**

**

* * *

**

**BPOV**

Hmmm these jeans are doing very nice things to my ass, but what top to wear... 'Got Cancer?' It's good for day, evening, or casual wear!

_Sniff..._

Could probably use a wash though, and these fools will notice. So unfair! Well, I guess its plan B then. Mwahaha! I pull the handcrafted beauty over my head; pick up the towel to continue drying my hair and head out in search of pervpire.

Ooooo nice living room. At least it's got some fucking colour. Looks like we've got a little vamp sit down going on here, so I'll take a seat and see what's on the cards.

Char and Chairpire look all kinds of amused – so nothing new there. Pervpire looks like someone has just shoved a rather large stick somewhere unpleasant. Without preparation or lube. Ouch!

Time to diffuse this clusterfuck. Bella style.

"J-emo you're so uptight if I shoved a lump of coal up your ass, in two weeks, you'd have a diamond. Chillax" Swan you genius! But... _oh hells yeah_ PLAN! "Char do you know where I can get a lump of coal? I like the shiny things and Jazz here can put that second power of his to good use. I'll share if we can come to some kind of arrangement about those boots you're sporting there"

Le sigh! Christian Louboutin Babel 100 boots! I'd only seen those on the net and _that_ was enough to make my panties damp. Hello my pretties, come to mamma! I'll treat you so good you'll never want to leave...

Char is giving me the nod on the sly so guess we'll work out the details later. We're missing quite a few assholes here though. Not that I want to see them in any way shape or form. But this is my life we're in, so yeah, they're probably outside sharpening the pointy sticks in preparation for the ritual sacrifice.

"So where's cuntpire and the rest of the assholes?"

Char has wiggled to the edge of her seat. She's down with the nicknames. She knows it's going to be good.

"Who?" Chairpire is looking a little confused. Bless.

Oh yeah, other people don't hear the voices in my head. Good thing too or they wouldn't allow me within 40ft of that bed and I don't even want to think about what they'd do if they knew my stance on the shower.

"Cuntpire? You know… _Alice_" It burns to say that whores name and it hisses out through my clenched teeth "Jaspers wife...? Cause yeah, that bitches fangs aren't in her mouth"

Jasper hadn't moved from his chair, poor little mortifiedsper... but this prompts the biggest brightest motherfucking grin on his face. It's fucking _stunning_! Where has _that_ been hiding?!?

"J-emo. Was that... was that a... _smile_? Holy shit! I didn't think you had one of those. You guys know about this?"

I'm pointing wildly at Jasper and Char's having a little giggle. That's right, keep laughing, those boots are mine when the moment is right... Peter is chomping away on that fat pouty bottom lip of his and trying not to piss himself – not that he can but the thought is there. J-emo is trying to look all serious and together but the other two's emotions are seriously fucking with his plans.

Thinking about it, I don't think I've _ever_ seen Jasper smile. I mean there was the odd smirk or lip twitch back in _Forks_ but nothing like that. Odd.

"So where are they?"

They're probably waiting to jump out at me for maximum effect. Fuckers. Nothing would surprise me.

"I was going to ask you the same thing"

_¿Qué?_

"How the fuck do you misplace your wife? Surely you just follow the smell of sulphur or chant the devils name three times"

My hands tighten on the leather chair arms and it creaks under the strain. If that bitch appears I won't be held accountable for my actions.

"I haven't seen her in eight years... not since that night"

He's looking a little embarrassed and shifty, someone's carrying some residual guilt. But there's something else under there, and I'm getting the same sense of loss that I saw in his eyes in the shower. And _eight years_...?

"You mean the birthday that was heard around the world? Eight years? You weren't in Alaska with them? What the hell! You cut out at the right fucking point Jazz. You haven't seen _any_ of them?"

He's looking a little uncomfortable in the chair he has no need for. His arms are locked solid on his knees, tendons straining at the surface of his marble skin, eyes fixed to a spot over my shoulder. Peter and Charlotte have frozen, but there's a fire burning in Peter's eyes that threatens to erupt and blow the room apart.

Oh god. What did they do to him?

There's something digging into my leg, which is not helping my patience with this bulldozer of a revelation. What the hell is that and why is it in my pocket? Ooooooo! Fun size toblerone! Jackpot! Haven't been allowed one of these in months. Fuck it! It can't do any harm now. Hmmm... but nougat in my teeth... I'll hold on to you so we can be alone together my love...

"Bella. Alice told me to leave and never come back that night. I've been here even since"

WHAT. THE. _FUCK_!

* * *

**JPOV**

God I really don't want to have to explain this, but it's going to have to come out if I want my answers. Man up Jasper!

"Bella. Alice told me to leave and never come back that night. I've been here even since"

Acting like a pussy and trying to get my shit back together. Thank fuck for Peter and Charlotte.

"That pixy devil _bitch_!"

My eyes shoot up to her.

Well her personality isn't the only thing that's changed... New Bella has quite the mouth on her! She's _fuming_ in her chair. I can't _feel_ it but I don't need to. I bet even a human would be able to see the waves of rage that are flowing off her right now.

She stops suddenly.

Her entire frame and focus directed at me.

"Jasper you _do_ know I don't hold any blame against you for what happened with the paper cut and Edward's body check don't you? One of them told you that didn't they? Jazz, tell me one of them told you or you _at least felt it_"

Her voice is raising an octave with every sentence, and her _eyes_... her eyes are burning into mine and my soul is catching on fire under the strength of it. _Fuck_ that's intense. She would have been formidable in the wars with that look alone.

"Bella I did feel it. It was the only thing keeping me straight before Edward knocked you into the table. It took a while to calm me down, and after Alice told me to quite promptly fuck off I left. None of them came after me, so no not one of them told me"

Well I did run like a little bitch. But I thought at least em would of come, or rose...

Bella is up out of her seat like a rocket.

Pacing backwards and forwards in front of my chair. I'm almost surprised she's not on fire. She stops. Leans in, hands on the arms of the chair either side of me, eyes levelled with mine and burns that stare right into me. It takes everything inside not let the animal buried deep down to react to the challenge, but even he is a little in awe of this Valkyrie.

"Those fucking bastards! Christ! I wouldn't have blamed you anyway. You guys were my _family_" She has to choke the word back, the burn in her gaze flickering and then reigniting like a supernova. I can make out every fleck and swirl in those eyes of hers – they are molten with emotion "Shit it's a wonder something like that hadn't happened with _any_ of them before then! I was one clumsy bitch!" She looks lost momentarily before reaching into her pocket and jamming something in my face.

A fun sized toblerone? Ummm... no thanks... Shit, this woman has flipped her lid!

"It's like waving this toblerone here in front of my face. I fucking _want_ it, but I can resist it until that wrapper comes off. At that point, if you're between me and the toblerone, you better have your papers in order because it's on"

She always was a little strange... but it's a little endearing watching her try relate the two. I get what she's trying to say but she's never known true hunger.

"At that moment you were slightly more tempting than chocolate Bella"

I can't believe I'm seeing the funny in this. The burn in her eyes has gone though and has been replaced with... pity? No wonder Edward was so frustrated by her; she never has the reaction you're expecting.

"They had toblerone in your day? You've tried it? No. I didn't think so. So not the point though. Me. Humans. Are you guy's toblerone. But Jasper... you had to deal with six other people's reaction when that happened, one of who I was _La Tua Cantante_ to! Not even Carlisle would have stood a chance. I _told_ them to tell you, I was waiting for you to come back so I could say it to your face, but no one came back ... Of course I know it wasn't your fault, you spent all that time in Phoenix with me and you were fine – even in the damn ballet studio! You were there ripping that fucker up with a Bella buffet laid out while the others had to leave! You're bad assed J! God of course they didn't tell you, why am I not surprised!"

I'd known she didn't blame me that night, the light and the warmth coming from never changed, even when the room flipped and I was flying full tilt at her. But that didn't mean she wouldn't have blamed me later when she had time to think it over. It was still good to hear though, if not a little bittersweet. Someone has trust in me. Just not the people I'd spent decades trying to make a life with.

"I knew" I smiled wryly at her, and gently squeezed one of her tiny hands that were still resting on the arm of my chair, and she relaxes slightly, but body and mind were still jittering away, a thousand thoughts scrolling over the surface of those big brown eyes.

Peter and Charlotte were radiating pride and love. Not just for me. For _Bella_. She cared, for me. And that was the golden ticket for them. She was in. She really did just draw people to her, ever since that day we'd noticed her in the cafeteria in Forks, the humans there just magnetically gravitated to her, adjusting themselves to her every move. She'd never been aware. Even when that shit went down on her birthday my first thought had been protecting her, until the waves crashed in and pulled me under.

It still didn't explain what she was doing here, and why she looked like she wanted to shank someone when their names were mentioned, or the hollowness that lay beneath the surface when she was still.

"Bella, what are you doing in Texas? Why aren't _you_ with them?" she scoffs at that, so I hastily tack on "or in Forks?"

The fire in her eyes goes out.

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**AN 2.0 – Lifelesslyndsey, here's your shout out, because yeah I like to make you pee your pants with my updates... Comedy thing though readers, we've been having some review based inbox banter and she drops me a line to say that cuntpire is going out to me in her next update (she likes me really! I think...), and I'm like DAMN! that's totally already in my chapter 10! Look (points at screen) it's there! in Word! and I've saved it and all! Is she stalking me?!? How does she know who I am and where I live! Great minds apparently think alike he he! she should be afraid, and possibly see someone about that though... **

**She's got a fun Bella/Peter story on the go and another on the way that sound hilarious, so google her ass and go check it out!**


	11. Chapter 11 My life in twenty minutes

**AN. And here's part two - better late than never!**

**p.s reviews save kittens. they thank you. jesus thanks you. no one else gives a shit...**

* * *

**BPOV**

"Bella, what are you doing in Texas?" Because I want to be warm. I want to stop running "Why aren't _you_ with them?" Because I would rather shove bamboo splinters under my nails? "or in Forks?"

Because I could _never_ go back.

I thought I'd never leave. I was waiting. He would come back. They would come back. My life would go on.

I sank back into the soft leather without thinking.

_Forks_.

I was there for a 13 months after my birthday before I had to leave...

_**Flash back - Forks July 2007**_

Cold wind blow this waiting blood,  
Flow into my ashen arms.  
Ice stream prick my sleeping skin.  
She is like the so black time,  
Race on in and never go away.  
She's just like this wind.

Black Car, with your creaking wheel,  
Take away these thoughts of mine.

Once there was a crazy man  
Staring from his drunken eyes,  
Staring stony into her elbow's way  
Stared at me and tellin' me,  
'Stead of 'oh, poor lonely me,  
I claw the bed and I claw my hair.

Oh black car, with your creaking wheel,  
Take away these thoughts of mine.  
Pictures sing in rhythm with 'em.  
Dig the holes for me to sleep inside.

She is fr-

_My fingers claw at the buttons on the stereo, because a dead man is singing my life, and I can't let him complete the line because I'm not free and life is not beautiful. I'm running from people who I thought were family who tell me I'm already dead. _

_At least this lot isn't running from me. _

_I'm not welcome in La Push and I can't be trusted in Forks, the wolves have chased me from my door. _

Literally_. _

_They huffed and they puffed and they blew my house of cards down. And drew lines, and I can't stand on any of them. Giant horse-sized-people-morphing-motherfucking wolves. Apparently I missed the stall dishing out superpowers at the entrance to Forks on my way in, and I want to speak the manager about a damn refund! _

_Jacob. Sweet little mud pie Jacob, who I just bitch slapped the fuck out of only to end up breaking my hand. If I ever see him again I'll be toting a crowbar and going UFC all over his ass. So much anger and black stony eyes that burned like coal but froze at edges of my soul. All because I handed someone a hotdog with an outstretched arm at a bonfire on an unusually warm summer's night on the beach of my childhood and the sky came a tumbling down. _

_I have a bite mark and apparently can't be trusted because some overachieving rednecked fucktard sporting a ponytail decided it would be trés amusant to chase me through the trees in a game of hide and seek, where the end was life or death, and winning had actually been the real loss. And Charlie got mauled by a bear and because he doesn't remember it or any moment before then they're now are sure it was me, even though he managed to shoot that furry bastard dead in the parking lot and they found it. I'm actually agreeing with the vamps on this one, because turning into a dog apparently fries your brain cells and makes you a fucking retard because I HAVE A HEARTBEAT AND I FUCKING BLEED! I spent months putting myself back together before I realised what Edward had tried to do by leaving me. Silly fool. Calving out friendships and love with the people who saved me from the storm that threatened to pull me under. And they've turned on me. Keeping Charlie from me and running me from home. _

Morons_! _

_So yeah I'm currently being followed to the state line of Washington by a truck full of fools, who are driving my truck because they've instigated takebacksies like the little bitches they are – who seem to have got their stealth skills from a lifetime of bad daytime TV, because they're right on my bumper and collectively wearing aviators like they automatically make them all inconspicuous and gansta and shit. _

_Vampires must mourn the loss of their bodily functions when they can't piss themselves with laughter at them. How the hell did Carlisle keep a straight face negotiating that treaty? I'd just have thrown a ball and told them to go fetch before I scheduled a neutering to get them to calm the fuck down and stop humping my leg._

_Thank god Renee and Phil wired me some cash to buy something new so I could get the hell out of dodge. Anything to bring me back to Phoenix and away from the place that was swallowing me whole like a snake... They just thought it was all too much for me and I'd never bonded enough with him to stay. He's my dad – I'd do anything for him! I'd have smacked Renee for that if I had a choice in this!_

_At least Alice will be able to tell Edward where I'm going, that's one less thing to worry about. If he feels the distance half as bad as I do it won't be long until he comes back to me. I can't believe I was so shocked to not drag his ass to the dirty woodland floor and sit on him till he listened. I loved him, he loved me, deal with it. Phoenix will only be a temporary stop and I'll have the chance to say goodbye properly to Renee and Phil, this time is a gift._

_But tonight, even dead assholes are taking a pop at me too because it's been that kind of a year for me. Jeff Buckley we are going to have words because you're almost making me shed my own tears. And those mutts behind me aren't going to get the satisfaction of seeing me cry. _

_Breathe Bella, just breathe._

_Even though I want to. _

_Really, really, really, really, bad. _

_You can survive this. At least he's alive and you know deep down inside he loves you. I just wish I'd been more coherent those last few months. Told him I loved him more, even if it did embarrass the shit out of both of us. Charlie who I've worked and cared for the last 7 months. Reminding him each and every day who I am and where he is, of the things he loved to do._

_God Edward hurry up! I'd even take Rose at this point!_

_Oh fuck I really really want to cry._

_Charlie doesn't know who I am anymore, Christ he's only got one good leg now – who is going to explain to _him_ who I am and that I'm not there! He can't work the fucking oven and everything is above the reach of his wheelchair!!! I wasn't even allowed to say goodbye!!! _

_They better look after him down there in La Push. Fucking Billy was 'taking him fishing' and then they never brought him back. _

_The truck behind me is slowing in the rear view mirror. The state line is coming up and then it's gone._

_They've stopped._

_I continue._

_My mind registers the sign I just passed and plays it over and over in my mind._

'Sorry you're leaving, we hope you enjoyed you stay in Washington – Come back soon!'

_Not fucking likely._

_The road falls away black white black white as I'm swallowed up by the night. _

_A piece of my soul has fractured off and lies in a ditch underneath that sign._

_I think this hurts worse than the forest floor, and I'm just as cold._

Daddy_..._

_**End of flashback**_

Someone is poking me in the face.

They are in for a world of hurt.

_No one_. Pokes. The. Face. And. Lives.

_Chairpire... _You've just made _the list_ sunshine.

"Fuck off chairpire! I'm having a Days of Our Lives style flashback here – my mind doesn't replay in high speed like yours. I'm trying to figure out where to start this fucked up trip down memory lane!"

Jasper is twitching away in the chair.

Oh god!

I'm so _stupid_!

He felt that. He must have been feeling that since I got here! _Shit_! I've got to leave! I can't do this to him! I have to get my bag and get out of here. I can hitch to Mexico, it's not far.

_Fuck it_, I don't need the bag!

Shit... Why do these fuckers have to be so damn quick!

I'm barely up out of the chair before Jasper is leaning over me, forcing me back down. I know I can't escape but my eyes are frantically searching everywhere for an exit.

It's not until he grips my face in both hands that I realise he's speaking to me.

"BELLA!"

My eyes lock with his. I'm ensnared in his gaze. There is a fire there unlike anything I've ever seen. It's commanding. Arresting. I couldn't look away if I tried. I don't know if I want to.

"Bella, what are you doing? Why are you trying to run?"

"I forgot Jasper. God I forgot what you can do! How could I be so stupid! I can't be here inflicting this on you"

My fingers clutching at my chest where my heart should be. I can't do that to him!

"Bella. Look at me. LOOK! That's only the second time I've felt _anything_ from you since I picked you up. That wasn't me in pain, I knew to be prepared after that first time. I was trying to break you out of whatever you were in there, but nothing was reaching you. I can't _touch_ you"

That can't be right.

His eyes aren't lying though.

I know liars now.

This is not a lie.

"That can't be right. You could always feel me! What the fuck!"

"Shit we really need a new phrase!"

Peter starts tittering on the other side of the room. Good god! I'm embarrassed _for_ him!

It's cut the tension somehow though. I no longer feel that primal urge to run.

"How about a language change instead? _Pero qué coño!"_

I get a crooked grin from Jasper for that one. It's nothing like that earlier smile, but it's still stunning. None of that _dazzling_ shit though. Jasper's smile is somehow all man. He isn't a pussy.

During this exchange he's somehow managed to fully relax me back into the chair. Even without his powers he's calming.

"Shit if we're going to do this I need you to stay in your chair and not interrupt me"

I fix him with the Bella special so he knows I'm serious, and then turn it on the other two so they know that includes them too. Everyone retreats back to their respectively positions. Well. Now everyone's pretending to be sitting comfortably, I'll begin.

"Things started to go tits up when Edward drove me home after the party. He didn't stay. He always stayed. Hell he stalked me to be close to me! When he didn't stay the next few nights and drifted away from me, and then none of you were at school as well I knew something was wrong. He told me we'd go for a walk in the woods for some privacy from Charlie and talk about it. He said you'd all left and he was leaving too. I was ready. I said I'd go with him, I'd been ready for this, for our forever since the day I met him"

Lying sack of shit.

"He told me he didn't want me to come with him. He didn't want me. I'd forget in time. That you'd all leave me alone and never bother me again. He left me there and I fell apart. It felt like my life was over. The whole future we'd planned just vanished into the trees. Some guys from the rez found me hours later on the forest floor, I was still in shock. The devious bastard had left a note in my handwriting saying I'd gone for a walk in the woods and I'd be back – when I didn't come back Charlie sent them out looking for me. It was months before I resurfaced"

_Stupid girl_! All that wasted time!

"My friends disappeared one by one. They didn't know what to do with me. I couldn't tell them the full details. They laughed at me – a silly girl with a crush.

I spent a lot of time out in the woods after that, trying to recapture something. A memory, a feeling, I was so afraid of it going away. It didn't though. I could remember every moment, nothing was too small. I started to realise what Edward had done, how he'd tried to save me from being in danger, he was always a controlling prick like that. The revelation knocked me on my ass and I was late back that day. Charlie was always worried after that first time. I guess he went looking for me. He didn't find me though, but he did find a bear near the camp grounds.

He... he didn't stand a chance. He got some _lucky_ shots off. Two in the head and one in the heart. They say it must have taken a while for it to go down though. He was hardly recognisable after that. The ambulance had to ID him through his badge"

I can still see it now. It's etched in there.

"They weren't sure if it was the swipe to the head or the trauma, but he couldn't remember anything before the attack. An entire lifetime wiped away. He was in the hospital for months with surgeries and rehab before they let him come back to the house. It was never the same. We were both living with strangers.

We tried everything to try to get him to remember. The doctors weren't hopeful the memories would come back... but everyone tried something! Things he loved, places he went to. Months.

Nothing.

It was just all _gone_...

Then one night some of his old friends from the rez wanted to have a bbq. It was amazing. A warm day in Forks! The sea, the sky! So blue! It was beautiful - you don't see days like often...

I was handing my friend Jacob a hotdog when they saw the bite mark"

I traced its cool indented surface. A permanent marker of my life. Of the things I had hoped for. Of my demons. My nightmares.

"The dogs are fucking _stupid _by the way... I don't suppose you were there the first time the _Cullen's_ were in Forks...

Anyway, they thought I was a danger, that I had done that to Charlie. In their eyes I was breaking the treaty by being there on that beach. They gave me 24 hours to pack under watch to get the hell out of Forks or they'd tear me to pieces and burn the parts.

They wouldn't listen to anything! I fucking _cut_ myself in front of them. I fucking _bled_ in front of their eyes and they still wouldn't listen! Kept saying it was a trick! They knew '_my kind_' had all sorts of devilry. I tried to smack the stupid out of Jacob but that only got me a broken hand.

I left for Phoenix the next day.

I had to buy a new car. Luckily someone at the station was selling off something cheap because those bastards took the truck back that Charlie had bought from them. Fucking _assholes_! I barely had anything anyway, I threw most of my stuff out when I thought Edward wasn't coming back because it reminded me of him. I'm missing some seriously good shit I'll never get back"

Not that it would be of interest to me now. I'm not that girl anymore.

"So I moved back in with Renee and Phil. He'd be offered a spot coaching on the University baseball team so they'd come back and bought a bigger house. Everything was different but the same. I was still waiting, kept calling the guys at the station to see if there was any change on Charlie – they always thought it was odd that I was calling them and not him. But I went to college to start my degree thinking I could transfer the credits wherever you guys ended up, got a job waitressing a local bar – that got me over my clumsiness. You sure as shit take care when breakages come out of your tips!

Lived.

That lasted three years until Victoria found me. Found my parents.

I was late back. It was all waiting for me. It was horrific. She wrapped that seen with a bow and left me a card.

'_Your heart, for my heart. V_'

I almost went catatonic again. It was close. I see it every time I close my eyes.

But then I thought about how if she'd come for me, she'd come for you guys, for the rest of my _family_.

It took me eight days of nonstop phone calls to hospitals around the country until I found them at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks. I drove for two and a half days, only stopping for gas and coffee to wash down the anti-anxiety meds the doctors had thrown at me when they took the bodies to the hospital. I had to identify what personal effects they would find. It took extensive DNA tests in the end.

I waited all night in the parking lot in my car so I could find them.

And I thought Forks was _cold_!

I was trying to warm myself in the sun the next morning when Alice found me. I just turned around and there she was.

"_Alice! Thank god you're alive! Please tell me you're all ok"_

_My eyes frantically scan the campus lawn for their distinctive figures. Alice waves a dainty hand in front of my face to catch my attention._

"_Of course I am, why wouldn't we be?"_

"_You... you didn't come! Alice my mother! Victoria... oh god Alice my mo-ther and phil... It was awful! Where were you? Why didn't you come! Why didn't any of you come!"_

_I threw myself at her, clinging like a life raft. They were here! I was with them, everything would be fine now. Edward! Where is my Edward!_

_Her eyes were darting round at the surround people who had stopped to watch me clinging to a slip of a girl, trying desperately not to fall apart. My whole body was vibrating and my teeth still chattering from the cold. I hadn't even stopped to think about warm clothing when I left._

"_Bella. Calm down. Let's have a sit down. You're making a scene"_

_She lead me back to the car and into the driver's seat before her dancing steps brought her to the passenger side, before sliding elegantly into the leather seat so as not to crease her dress. _

_Why isn't she comforting me? Something's wrong. Oh god what if Victoria hurt one of them and she's trying to let me down gently. I was too late... Oh god I was too late!_

"_Why would we? Edward told you he was done with you. You'd think after four years you'd get a clue. Silly girl"_

_My world stops._

_I can't have heard her right._

_She smiles beatifically up at me._

_I am stunned._

"_What?"_

_No. No that can't be true. Where is my Alice? What's going on!  
_

"It was then that she went on to tell me how I was all a test for Edward. His real soulmate was his la tua cantante as well. I was the run through to make sure he didn't kill her – Alice had seen it, he just need practice being close if he wasn't to kill her._ I_ was just perfect timing with my arrival in Forks. _James_ the perfect way to test him control. The _birthday party_ the perfect time to leave if it got that far. It didn't matter if something happened to me, I was not meant for him.

I thought it was all a horrible joke. That I was still asleep in the car. Waiting. The cold must have done something to me.

And then... Alice pointed them out to me crossing the grass of the quad edging the parking lot to the campus.

Their happiness was blinding from the distance. I felt dirty in comparison. She was beautiful. They were perfect. And she was still human.

'_He's going to turn her soon. I've seen it. They're going to be so happy. The whole family will be'_

I thought you were there too. I didn't know. She was just sitting there next to me, smiling the whole time as she explained the whole thing. So amused by the two of them laughing and teasing each other in the distance. The final straw for me was when Rose and Emmett walked up and hugged her. Rose for fucks sake! And Emmett!

This girl had stolen my life. But not really. That life that was _never_ mine.

They made me love him. And they took it all.

He turned around and saw me you know? Alice must have said something to him in her head. He looked right through me and walked them off the other way. That's when I knew it wasn't a joke. I was stunned. I barely remember Alice patting me on the head telling me not to come bother them again before I was 40 miles away.

The rage at what they'd done didn't set in until later. I didn't stop driving for two years. Odd jobs in big towns. Nothing long. Nothing permanent. Nobody was allowed to get close. I survived but that was it. That's all I was capable of doing. Everything I touched died or left me, I couldn't inflict that one anyone else. Christ the tally was high enough already"

My fingers wouldn't stop tracing that damn scar.

I could never escape it.

"It wasn't until I blacked out in traffic and woke up in the hospital before I realised something was wrong. I thought I'd just been tired all that time. It took them six more months to figure out what it was. A brain tumour. In the wrong fucking place and too far gone to do anything about it. Fucking amateurs!

I guess that's why none of them were worried about leaving me behind knowing who and what they were. It wasn't a decision, so Alice would have known, it was always going to happen. She could have told me any time. But chose not to. Very handy hey! They could sit back and wait for nature to take its course.

So I left. I didn't want to die being poked and prodded in that damn bed.

I stole asshole psychologists wallet who they'd assigned me to help me 'deal' with my grief – that bastard didn't like me anyway. The hospital staff and I didn't exactly get on when I was there, it's not my fault they were all morons – I bought the truck with his money from a nearby lot and started heading south.

I just wanted to be warm again.

Not to be running.

To make a decision for myself with the time I had left – could be an hour, a day, a week, a month maybe if I'm lucky.

As you can see I didn't get that far"

I look up. That's my life. Summarised in.... oh! twenty minutes. How handy.

They are still frozen in their chairs.

"So... That's it.

Questions?"

* * *

**And that's it for today folks. **


	12. Chapter 12 We protect our own

**AN. I wasn't going to post this tonight/early morning to me... but _Pero qué coño! _lol! but seriously, the end of 11 is HEAVY so yeah, here's some chairpire to brighten your day and make the rainbows shine again. The JPOV will be the next project but that's either going to be quick or a few days - because it depends if he wants to cooperate or not... **

**It wont always be uber angsty so don't be sad! things are looking up - there may even be some mini golf, but chairpire hasn't decided on the activities so don't bank on it yet!  
**

**Now I'm off to top up my rather large vodka based beverage and get my ass to bed**.

**Peace out.**

**L x  
**

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**PPOV**

I was livid. I'm generally an easygoing bastard. Until someone threatens my people or the pinkys... But the _rage_ at the fucked up shit that had just come out of Swan's mouth was making me see actual fucking _red_.

The short bitch and I had long come to an understanding. She didn't look at or touch me with any of her eyes or talons, and I didn't burn her face off. I mean Jasper would have been sad and all but venom is thicker than Chanel tweed babycakes, he would have forgiven me in time.

_This!_ This was un_fucking_ acceptable though.

I thought the shit had really hit the fan those eight years ago when J turned up on my doorstep all hollow and sad, and _fuck_ it was just all kinds of levels of wrong. I knew he'd be there when I cracked open that door, but _nothing_ could have prepared me for that. He's a badass motherfucker through and through with a heart of gold to those who are lucky enough to be loved by him. Shit, he'd stared down some of the most fucked up bastards ever to dirty this beautiful earth, and laughed as he cut and burned them down, fear dancing and echoing in his wake. And they'd cowered. _God_ how they had cowered. He was a fucking _artiste_!

_good times... _

and that cunt broke him! And none of those bastards had come after him.

But then she got a little grace period, because it was someone else's decision on how to fuck her up. Because _she_ was coming. Finally. And she'd fix my boy up whole.

I couldn't wait to see what Swan would do. I just knew it would be epic.

Don't even get me started on Fuckward. That Victorian era background and his frozen teenage state created a pansy assed repressed mamma's boy with commitment and personal space issues, and the _bitch fits_ he would throw if he didn't get his own way when we visited! They're _Evil_, _I _know _I_ hear their thoughts, they must be _ended_, why isn't everyone listening to me! Pout brood pout! I'm all on my lonesome, and oh so tortured; watch me play the sad sad songs on the piano!

Give me five minutes in a room alone with him and I'd give that fucker something to cry about. That boy didn't know evil. I'd take pleasure in showing him...

To think what he'd orchestrated with that cunt!

He would pay too.

All of them would.

I just wish I'd known more than her last name, hell I didn't even know if it was a nickname, and the idea of the antics that would come – because I'd have moved heaven and earth to shield even a little bit of the shit that those two had rained down on her.

My poor little Swan.

I just needed to remind myself to be patient. They would get what was coming to them.

Char had been squeezing my leg nearest to next to her on the couch. She'd dug those nails right in. I like it rough and all but there was no pleasure in this.

Our eyes met.

I didn't know if it was all reflecting back from my eyes as she looked at me. But somehow she knew it was coming too, or she was planning on heading up there herself, and from that calculating stare, she couldn't wait either.

_Fuck_! My wife was going to be magnificent!

They were family. We protect our own.

Jasper was well on his way to becoming a permanent piece of that chair. He was still processing that mind fuck, but it looked like he was coming round now.

He'd need to deal with that shit quick, I'm not sure how he's going to react to that clusterfuck... he might not have been _feeling_ Bella but he sure as shit would have been feeling the two of us!

When he was done, I had what I needed to cheer Swan up a bit, and hopefully save the pinkys I knew Char was planning on removing.

I can't believe the shit I do for these people. Fucking Jasper is going to give me shit about this _forever_!

I reached down the side of the couch and wrapped my fingers around the box in readiness.


	13. Chapter 13 1,491

**AN. So... Chapter 11 hey... (fans self) That was some fucked up shit oui? Have to say my favourite reaction came from missbuffy67 "Fucking rip my heart out and toss it in the Cuisinart on high. Then microwave it with the leftovers from Christmas, 1992". That's exactly the reaction I was aiming for. Everyone went apoplectic with the big big rage after that mind fuck... purpose mother-fucking served! mwahahaha! I almost wasn't going to leave you with the PPOV – imagine how bad that would have been. Thank god for chairpire!**

**More importantly though, I've somehow managed to rustle up a beta... NCChris from Jasper's Darlin's! Who has graciously agreed to screen my atrocious grammar amongst other things. In return I promise never to leave her alone on the forest floor in the woods... I think this could be the start of something beautiful... lol! The Darlin's can be found at http://jaspersdarlins(dot)blogspot(dot)com and are dedicated to all things Jasper (seriously, what more do you need to know?!?!)**

**Also, I got bored (and drunk) on Wednesday night and made some banners and backgrounds for The Last Mile for pimpage purposes, because pimpin' aint easy and you have to advertise a ho... which you can find at http://tweetphoto(dot)com/edd4a0**

**Now that's out of the way, let's see where we left off shall we... I think it was with some BPOV, but now it's your home boy pervpire's turn.**

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**_Recap - End of chapter 11..._**

_I just wanted to be warm again._  
_Not to be running._  
_To make a decision for myself with the time I had left – could be an hour, a day, a week, a month maybe if I'm lucky._  
_As you can see I didn't get that far"_  
_I look up. That's my life. Summarised in.... oh, twenty minutes. How handy._  
_They are still frozen in their chairs._  
_"So... That's it._  
_Questions?"_

* * *

**JPOV**

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_(Jasper?)_

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93.

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_(Jasper...)_

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147.

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_(JASPER!!)_

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What?

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_(Are you in there?)_

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Come back later.

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248.

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_(Ummmm... Jasper... everyone is looking at us and waiting for us to open our mouth, so yeah, a reaction might be good right about now. At least fucking twitch an eye or something.)_

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I'm busy.

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491.

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_(Doing what? You're just sitting in the chair. It's been thirty seven seconds since Bella stopped talking. That's a fucking eternity! You're making us look like a stupid prick! What the fuck man?!?)_

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I'm adding up all the possible ways to dismember and dispose of my ex-wife and the rest of those bastards. None of them are good enough. I can't get any of them to equate to the magnitude of the situation.

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I'm up to 637. Two of them involve a rusty spoon.

_(A spoon, hey? Ohhhh.... _Nice_. That's very creative. I didn't think you could do that, but yeah... I totally see how that would work right about now. You know... you could introduce a George Foreman into that mix and I think you'd have something really special there...But, ummm... can't you do both? You've got a giant fucking brain – deploy it, bitch!)_

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After her story, for a moment there, I thought that my original plan of smothering her with a pillow back when she found out about us would have been a mercy.

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...

_(You're _so lucky_ I'm in your head and can't fuck you up right now)_

I know! You don't need to tell me. I shouldn't even be allowed to be in the same room as her! _Christ_, I can't think past it, because if I do then where the fuck does that leave us?

_(Sitting in this chair acting like more of a pussy than usual...? Jasper, I'm more than disappointed enough for the both of us right now. We used to be a badass motherfucker! In the words of the lovely Senorita Bella over there, pero qué coño, Major!?!)_

Damn it! I fucking KNOW! Christ, those bastards cut her down piece by piece, and she's still here. _Fuck_ she's a strong lady. I swear if it's the last thing I do, I will make them pay for this. I'm disgusted, with them, with myself, with that fucking psychotic bitch!

(_Well I'm glad we agree on something, she truly was a... oh what was the word Bella used... ah yes cuntpire. Magnificent!_)

Why is my face on fire....? Internal Jasper? Any clue?

(_Well... while you're off planning your campaign o'death, which you should know has taken you 31 minutes and 48 seconds, Peter and Charlotte got bored waiting for you to do something and went off to order some food in for Bella, who has been standing in front of you for 3 minutes and 14 seconds having some mini debate with herself on what to do with you. It's been hilarious – you should have seen the faces she's been pulling! But no, you were too busy being a pussy as usual. I guess she decided on a plan of action because, if you focus for a second there champ, you'll notice she's grabbed a hold of our face and looking us right in the eyes... Just thought I'd let you know...)_

JESUS FUCK! Peter left her with us while we're like this?!? Get her away from us; we're not fucking stable right now!!!! Oh god! Why can't I get the words out!!!

My arms are slowly reaching out around her tiny waist and drawing her in, our eyes locked the whole time. I can't look away. She's not looking away. She doesn't look scared.

Oh fuck someone stop it!!!!

_(You give me a little taste of that in the shower and you want to take it away? Hell no! I'm driving this train now!)_

She's now seated on my lap. Our eyes are still locked. She just looks curious. Well that's just great Bella! Curiosity killed that bitch!

My arms have caged her.  
The heat from her body is radiating out like a furnace.

_(See. She's safe here. _

_She's ok now. I won't hurt her. We could _never_ hurt her. _

_Just think where we'd be if that party hadn't happened... we'd still be that cunts lapdog, that's where)_

Ok. It's not too bad. She's still not freaking out, so maybe she'll hold off on the restraining order.

The warmth is kinda nice...

_(Damn skippy, J! I think this is what we've been looking for when we lay back in the sunshine...)_

My body is relaxing millimetre by millimetre, but the previous panic must have been pouring out of me because Peter and Charlotte come bursting back into the house, obliterating what sounds like the front door and an end table in the process looking frantic.

And...

FUCK.  
MY.  
LIFE.

How in the _HELL_ did I miss _this_?!?

_(It's good right!) _

Peter is crouched down in an attacking position, eyes darting all over the room, and it's only making this shit more... just fucking MORE!

There are three pipe cleaners glued to each side of his nose, bent and curled outwards. His nose has been coloured a rather fetching pink, with what smells like... a raspberry scented marker?

_(You wait till he gets another whiff of it! His nose scrunches up and it's GOLD!)_

The pièce de résistance though, is the hair band on his head with two pointy ears attached to it, which has been covered in some sort of fur.

"Peter. Why the fuck do you look like a cat?"

Apparently this is the key to reaction because I can't hold this in any more. Somehow I manage to slide Bella off me before I drop out of the chair and start rolling on the floor with laughter.

The emotions are all mine. This shit is just too good!

"This is Swan's doing. Terms were made to secure appendages"

Oh god, Bella can never leave!

She prances over, apparently undeterred by the flailing vampire who was catatonic only seconds ago. This woman really has no appropriate sense of self-preservation!

"Genius isn't it! And look..."  
She's pulling out an iPhone from her pocket and waving it in my face. I concentrate and take a peak – Lolcats... What the hell is Lolcats?  
"...518 hits already! Oh Chairpire, the public just loves your cute little fury face. Aren't you a pretty kitty! Yes you are!"

She's actually petting him like a cat with a disturbingly evil look in her eyes. He's giving her the pissed face and takes a mock snap at her hand, but his emotions are giving off relief, amusement, and only a fraction of annoyance. Until his eyes meet mine that is, and then that last one just cranks right the fuck up! He stalks off to the kitchen to retrieve what smells like pizza. Ugh!

And... oh yes! That, right there, would appear to be a tail tucked in the back of his pants.

"You'll forward me a copy right?"

Oh god, please, please, please, let me have a copy!

"Get in line Jasper, although we haven't discussed your punishment yet. Kidnapping is frowned upon in the good state of Texas you know, and would it have killed either of the two of you to pick up the phone and let me know I was aiding in a felony?!?"

Bella moves beside Charlotte, mirroring her stance. Arms crossed, stern face on, head cocked to the side, and her hip jutted out. Only their dancing eyes gave them away. Oh God. They've become friends. We're all in trouble now.

"It was all Peter! He told me to pick her up! I had nothing to do with it!"

I am not getting the wrath of Charlotte for that shit. She's worse than me when she puts her mind to it.

Bella's face falls.

Oh no.

_(What the fuck have you done?!?)_

She turns into Charlotte's body, who wraps an arm around her and draws her in, rubbing her hand up and down her arm. Bella's body starts to shake and quake.

"Char..." _Sniff_ "... nobody..." _Sniff_ "...nobody wants me!"

Oh God, I made her cry! After all that shit she spouted out, I made her cry! The look in Charlotte's eyes as she levels them at me is _feral_.

_(You're on your own now. This is all on you! Fix this. NOW!!!)_

"Oh fuck! Bella, that's not what I meant! I mean, shit! I want you! Ah fuck... Not like _THAT_! Not that you aren't beautiful, because you are... _FUCK_! I mean, you can stay here if you want. Please don't cry!"

The sniffing slows but her body is still shaking away. Her head pulls away from the crook of Charlotte's arm before she looks up into her face.

The two of them burst out laughing.

"And that Char, is how it's done"

She curtsies in place.

"I bow to the master, Swan"

_Shiiiit_. Peter and I are in trouble now. There are two of them! We stand no chance!

Speaking of whom, he walks back in the room bearing the offending pizza, tail swinging away behind him. He gives me a look and the message is clear '_You think Jasper?_'

I shoot a bit of defeat at him. Oh I know, Peter. We are fucked.

I'm trying to muster up some annoyance at the pair of them for fucking with me like that but the fact that Bella is smiling away with Charlotte neutralises any of that. The fact that she can still smile _at all _after all she's been through is a miracle. The thought sobers me up and any amusement slithers away. I am cold, dead, and meticulous inside.

1,491.

I take a step towards the pair of them and place my hands on Bella's forearms.

"I swear. They will pay for what they've done to you."

She smiles wryly up at me. The look of acceptance in her eyes at her situation is all kinds of wrong.

"Whatever, Jasper"

I don't think she gets this. The objective is set in my head now, and I've never failed.

"No. Not whatever, Bella. I've told you before and I'll tell you again, you are worth it. They will regret the day they ever fucked with you."

Her hands reach up and cover mine, and the fire is back. Her eyes are searching mine. It's a little unnerving to have that stare this close to my face. I feel exposed. She'd make a fucking badass vampire...

I'm not sure what she's looking for, but she must have found it.

"Either of us, Jasper. They will regret the day they ever fucked with _either _of us. But right now, there's a pizza right there with my name on it. Those bastards in the hospital didn't let me have that in six months, and I'm fucking hungry!"

Us.

_(She would make a great vampire you know... Plus she'd be able to deliver some of that justice you've been planning on her own... It's not fair if we have all the fun)_

Peter's eyes meet mine. His lips move too quickly for Bella to catch.

"Not yet brother. Give her some time after she just dropped that bomb. That shit is too heavy for tonight."

Maybe.

But soon.

* * *

**AN 2.0. NCChris made me a kittypire pic which nearly made me wet my pants! Then I thought "she can't have all the fun!" so made my own. They're both on my tweetphotos **tweetphoto(dot)com/user/catonspeed** – can you do better? Post it and let me know - I'll add them to the collection!**

**Photoshop. Some use you to make advertising campaigns to raise money to find a cure for cancer. I use you to make a man look like a cat.**

**L x**


	14. Chapter 14 Don’t touch He bites

**AN. So... there was a little conversation on twitter, challenges were made, cuddlecocking was discussed, and ideas were thrown out into the ether. From the smouldering ashes the Round Mound of a Beehound crackfic competition was born, hosted by MaitresseStAndrie and Sparagus. Check it out ****at www(dot)roundmoundbeehound(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**I have been suckered in. It's insane. **

**And I'm pissing my pants and bleaching my eyes writing it. Oh, and I've roped my muchacha sucia Lacym3 into the madness and we're collaborating (yeehaw!!! You should see our Google search histories... FML! Definitely NSFW) – when it's up I'll include the link so you can check it out (yeah, I'm whoring it out to y'all, what of it! Tee hee!), it's full of all sorts of fuckery and we've got what we think is a comedy idea... but you'll have to review and vote to let us know mwhahaha! - see the devious plan there... Dr. Evil had nothing on me (twirls moustache)**

**Ah yes, one final thing... have you read OUAV yet? ****www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5424916/1/Once_Upon_a_Vampire**** Haven't found this fic yet you say? You poor, deprived, emotionally unscarred, lucky bitches! And if you have... WTMF?!? It's the guilty pleasure you whisper about in dark corners of the library and say 'oh just one more...' to. So I had to slip a little reference in here, cuddlecocking style, because you're either in, or you're out... and it makes me laugh too much not to share (In a good way!) – I wait with anticipation for updates.**

**L x**

**

* * *

  
**

**BPOV**

All three of them are staring at me.

Where Peter and Charlotte seem calm, there is a storm brewing just beneath the surface of their otherwise knowing eyes, a tsunami of rage ready to rise up and crash upon the shore, hidden until those last moments. I've gotten pretty good at reading people, not in a Fuckward or J-emo way, it's like Charlie – I can just read people. I think I would have made an awesome cop like him. If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable... oh and that little thing called cancer.

Fuck My Life.

I've seen too much evil in the world, though, and I would never surround myself with that by choice. Even so, I'm so proud every day that Charlie put himself in that situation to help people, even the quiet sleepy woods of Forks held killers in every sense of the word. It truly is in the places you feel safest that you're in the most danger.

My rose tinted glasses have been plucked off and replaced with hard crystal lenses that polarise everything, throwing the shadows and highlights of life into stark relief. That's how I can stand to be in the room with these people. Despite what their kind have done to me. Other _people_, other _beings_ are no better, we're all animals, and these guys are just a bit more upfront about it.

The colour of their eyes may scream their choice and evil; I am dangerous, stay away. But they _twinkle_... and their smiles and gestures are genuinely bright and warm. There's no pity there, even after I've just laid that fucked up shit out like a banquet for them to feast on. I've seen the faces of evil, and they are not Peter and Charlotte, nor Jasper, for that matter. There's just something about them that brings me back from the cliff edge. They are the murky shades of billowing grey in the storm, that blaze pearlescent and brilliant when the clouds part and the sun shines through them in the storm.

Wax lyrical much Bella...

This brings me back to Jasper, Jasper who appears to be fully checked out. He's there; his eyes are focused on my face, but there is nothing behind them. It's fucking odd. It's like someone has unzipped him at the back and pulled him out of his skin, leaving only the shell in the chair. At least we've broken out of the cycle of "_what the fuck_", I guess. My eyes dart back to Peter and Charlotte, and gesture back to Jasper, quirking an eyebrow and my head in his direction.

"I think I've broken Jasper. I hope you weren't too fond of him"

Peter gives me a sad smile, but it doesn't give me the urge to smack his face off. How odd. I think they get the need to find the humour in the little things. Fuck, I'd never stop crying if I didn't.

"He'll come back around when he's processed everything, Bella. _Alice's_ betrayal hit him hard, and knowing that they've done the same to you won't sit right with him."

Charlotte reaches over and pats him affectionately on the leg, before turning back to me.

"Yes, and in the mean time, let me just say that you're welcome to stay here for as long as you want Bella, or you can take Peter's truck and keep on to Mexico if you want."

Peter looks horrified as the prospect of losing his vehicle... very tempting... and stuffs his hands down the side of the chair.

"We'll see what Jasper says when the pod people return him. Things aren't boring here at least." And that bed is really very nice... although, if it fits in the back of whatever Peter drives, it could be a whole other story.

Peter is still pouting away on the sofa about the great truck give away, but tries to lock that shit up as he catches Charlotte giving him the stink eye.

"Oh, and don't think I've forgotten about the two of you kidnapping and then fucking with Bella here. God I can't leave you alone ever! You're like a fucking child, I swear! Retribution has been set; and Bella makes good choices, so you know the deal. Hand them over!"

Peter's eyes start to twinkle again, but I can see he's trying to keep a wave of smugness under wraps.

He's got something up his sleeve. I know that look...

"I'd like the opportunity to propose a counter offer to the fair Miss Bella, if I may?"

Charlotte looks intrigued. In the 'oh good lord, I've already seen some fucked up shit, what the hell is he going to pull now' kind of way. You know what I'm talking about; you sport that look most of the way through every episode of Jackass. Fuck, the stuff those boys do! That goddamn car up Dunn's ass! I squeeze a little tighter just thinking about it.

In the mean time, Peter has magicked a box complete with an ugly ass bow on it from somewhere, and laid it in my lap. He's all eyes and teeth, and I'm intrigued too now. I pull at the corner of the ribbon and the bow falls away, I tuck it into a pocket, a souvenir if this all goes tits up. I lift the lid like I'm handling explosives. The room is still. And Jasper is still, still...

As the top comes off and my eyes meet the contents, I'm conflicted in the moment. Half of me wants to jump up and down and giggle like a child, for the pieces are pure WIN. The other half wonders how the fuck he knows. The last thing I want or need is someone poking round in my head. I raise my eyes to his, the question floats out in the air towards him; my poker face hasn't left since I stopped speaking. He knows what I'm asking, and shakes his head. I don't know how he knows my question, or how I know he understands what I'm asking, but his head shakes infinitesimally in reply.

I believe him. This is a night of all kinds of first for Bella Swan.

"I'm thinking 24 hours. Take it or leave it"

I lean back nonchalantly, when all I want to do is squee like a fangirl at the potential magic that's about to go down.

He pretends to contemplate his options, and then wiggles his fingers at Charlotte.

"I believe we have a deal, Swan"

I turn to Charlotte and a slow easy smile spreads across my face.

"I'm terribly sorry, Charlotte, but he's made me an offer one simply can't refuse."

Her face falls ever so slightly.

"But don't worry, you'll like this too".

My smile takes on a malevolent edge and she makes a miraculous recovery. I tilt the box back toward Peter. She takes a glance and the air is suddenly buzzing with anticipation.

"I believe you know what to do, Peter..."

Got to say – BIG fan of vampire speed right now.

One second he's sitting there all non-_cha_-fucking-_launt_ on the couch, and then-POW!-there are whiskers on his face, ears on his head, and a tail snaking out the back of his pants!

This is better than I could have ever imagined.

There's something missing though... ah ha! I scamper back to the bathroom and my bag and pull out the raspberry scented marker I swiped at the last gas station. Mmmm raspberry... it smells so good I'm almost tempted to lick it! Prancing back into the room, I quickly attack his face with it, colouring the tip of his nose a delicious pink! So cute!

Charlotte glances at me, and that's all it takes for the two of us to burst out laughing, causing Peter to growl in annoyance. He's finding the fun in this really though, it's there behind his eyes, although I can't help but think this is for me. I manage to whip out my iPhone, amidst the laughter, and start snapping away, thanking whatever higher power that's out there fucking with me for the small graces of the LOLcatMaker application and mobile internet, and start uploading a sequence of shots.

The gut busting laughter is making me lightheaded and I can feel myself start to sway, so executing some wicked bipolar skills that would even make _cuntpire_ proud, I force myself to stop. Passing out is a pain in the ass these days if my heart rate goes up too high. I have the bruises to prove it. Why can't brain cancer have cool side effects!

My stomach suddenly growls and the two of them stop and quirk their heads at me. My mind draws anime speech bubbles coming out of their heads.

"Huh! Oh fuck! You haven't eaten since you got here yesterday have you?"

I'm about to break out the Toblerone when Charlotte cuts in on me. Rude.

"That does not count as a meal!"

"Well, I'm guessing you don't stock anything that will tickle my fancy. Humans are not yummy in my tummy."

"We're quick and can deliver in twenty minutes or less," Peter says throwing in a cheeky wink.

"Well I hope for Char's sake it's less than twenty minutes, but pizza sounds good, I could go for something with an insane cheese to bread ratio. Is there anywhere near here?"

Charlotte and Peter look at each other. I'm clearly asking the wrong people. And yet maybe not...

"There's that place in on Cedar street in Pecos."

"Pizza Hut?"

"No, further down, where we picked up that rapist last month."

"Oh, Pizza Pro! Yeah, that was a good night. Or there's Murphy's Pizza, Subs, & Pasta in Fort Davis..."

"You're right Char, and it's coming up to turning out time at the cells..."

Meals all round I'm guessing, then. Maybe they can pick up something furry for Jasper to go. Have to say that goes on the list of 'oddest conversations of my life', and that's saying something.

They remember I'm still here mid plan. I tap at my watch pointedly "Times a wasting, Peter, and you've only got... 18 minutes now, you better be fast or I'm not paying!"

He grabs Charlotte and makes to dash out the door, before pausing and pointing at chairpire 2.0.

"Don't touch. He bites."

The two of them are gone before I can come up with a reply. Snaps for Peter with that one. I think this might work out very nicely.

It takes me 15 minutes to fully explore the room. There are all sorts of oddities on the shelves and a beautiful picture of horses that hangs on one wall. It's so realistic that I can practically see the dust rising up and out of the frame as the stallions run across the plains. It's too dark to see outside at the minute, so I'm not sure what that looks like, but I can't see any lights so we must be somewhere isolated. I don't feel comfortable exploring too far yet, so I quickly get drawn back to Jasper.

It takes me a few minutes to decide on a plan of action that I've coined 'wake Jasper the fuck up – Texas edition', because apparently pulling funny faces at him does nothing for him... tough crowd! So, I go with the classic face grab/stare down combo. I'd bitch slap anyone else, but that would only hurt me.

I can see him in there now, so I focus. I can feel the loss and desolation seeping from his whole body. I've been there. I'd have given anything then to have someone trying to bring me even an ounce of comfort at one of those moments. I'm inches from his face, and his eyes are screaming at me to back the fuck up, but his arms come out of nowhere and wrap around me drawing me to him in the chair, and seating me on his lap.

Well, there are worse ways to go you know...

I'm curious what his next plan of action is though and keep my eyes locked with his as his arms settle wrapped firmly around my ribs, his hands on my hips.

Our eyes remain locked. I'm not sure how much time passes, or if it's even stopped at all. I feel oddly safe sitting in the lap of an emotionally floundering Jasper. I am lost in the panic of his eyes, but I can feel the tension leaving his body millimetre by millimetre, relaxing beneath me as I stay perfectly still on his lap.

An almighty crash resounds from somewhere and Peter and Charlotte come bursting back into the room, covered in splinters of wood and looking frantic. Jasper's eyes finally move to them, cataloguing this crazy scene, but mine stay locked on his face as a kaleidoscope of emotions twist and twirl across his features, before finally settling on confusion.

"Peter. Why the fuck do you look like a cat?"

Before I'm aware of it, I've been slid off his lap out of the chair, and he's rolling on the floor with laughter. Jesusfuck! He laughs and smiles! What episode of the twilight zone is this?!? But I have to agree, because _this_ is stop drop and roll worthy.

"This is Swan's doing. Terms were made to secure appendages."

"Genius isn't it! Look! 518 hits already! Oh Chairpire, the public just loves your cute little furry face. Aren't you a pretty kitty! Yes you are!"

I feel like Dr Evil. I totally get it now! If I had a lair, I'd get a chair, a monocle, and set that shit up right. I start petting him in practice, before he gives me bitch face and takes a mock snap at my hand. I'll have to look into getting him spayed...

Whatever fuckery Peter has working for him must register this little thought, because he crosses his legs and stalks off. Jasper's face is alive with excitement and that _smile_ again as he begs me for copies of our earlier masterpiece. He should really have to issue some kind of audiovisual warning before being able to bust that out!

"You'll forward me a copy right?"

Charlotte takes this moment to jump back into the conversation, she's obviously decided all is well and has stood down, but pulls some epic stern face out and starts to aim it at Jasper. It's pretty good, girl's got style, so I mirror it and wait for her two cents to be thrown in.

"Get in line Jasper, although we haven't discussed your punishment yet. Kidnapping is frowned upon in the good state of Texas you know, and would it have killed either of the two of you to pick up the phone and let me know I was aiding in a felony?!?"

Somehow, she's instilled the fear of God into him in the past and this little verbal lunge has him ducking his head and a southern accent rolling off his tongue as he tries to defend himself.

"It was all Peter! He told me to pick her up! I had nothing to do with it!"

Ouch!

That might hurt if I let myself give a shit! But the opening you've given me is too fucking easy my bitey little friend.

I turn into Charlotte's body and wink at her, who shielded by me smirks quickly, catching on at the mind fuck I'm about to pull on Jasper. She wraps an arm around me, rubbing her hand up and down my arm, feigning comfort. Never fuck with a lady Jasper, we'll always win. I'm trying really hard not to laugh, but we can work with this, so I start the sniffing.

"Char..." _Sniff_ "... nobody..." _Sniff_ "...nobody wants me!"

Oh Swan, this is beautiful, you've outdone yourself. I can't even meet Charlotte's eyes for fear of losing it, and when Jasper starts spitting out apologies, that accent coming out thick and fast, I'm nearly done for! There should be Oscars all round for this.

"Oh fuck! Bella, that's not what I meant! I mean, shit! I want you! Ah fuck... Not like _THAT_! Not that you aren't beautiful, because you are... _FUCK_! I mean, you can stay here if you want. Please don't cry!"

He's just too easy to tease! It takes another minute to get the sniffing and giggles under control before I can finally pull away and look Charlotte in the face, and then immediately burst out laughing again. Fucking priceless! His mouth is frozen in an O of surprise, his big pouty lips turned out in shock and fear.

"And that Char, is how it's done"

I take a curtsey, because yeah, we motherfucking owned that scene. She's gained some extra cool points. Today is working out very nicely for her.

"I bow to the master, Swan"

She pulls out a comedy Python style bow and we're giggling our asses off all over again. I don't even remember the last time I laughed like this, and I'm not delving back in to find out, that shit has been put under lock and key again.

Jasper is suddenly entering my personal space. Well, we've just thrown the concept of boundaries out the window today, haven't we!

"I swear. They will pay for what they've done to you."

Pretty words Jasper, but a girl needs more than empty promises.

"Whatever, Jasper."

His stare pins me. His hands wrap around my arms securely, holding me in place and enforcing his words as he leans in.

"No. Not whatever, Bella. I've told you before and I'll tell you again, you are worth it. They will regret the day they ever fucked with you."

His eyes could hold me in place on their own right now, there's no need for the hands. There is a presence in his eyes that I've never seen before. It commands attention and demands respect. But I need to look deeper; I've been lied to before. My hands come involuntarily and cover his, trying to ground myself and stop the magnetic pull his eyes and presence are generating on my soul.

I look deep, searing his right back. It's all truth, he means every word, and he needs it as much as I do. I don't know how, but justice is coming for them, and she's a mean bitch when she wants to be. But I'm not the only one wronged in all of this.

"Either of us, Jasper. They will regret the day they ever fucked with _either _of us. But right now, there's a pizza right there with my name on it. Those bastards in the hospital wouldn't let me have that in six months, and I'm fucking hungry!"

The smell has been taunting me since Peter drifted back in from the kitchen, tail swinging away behind him, as the two men shot covert looks full of silence and meaning at each other. Nothing slips by me any more; I don't know who they're trying to fool with their 'secret codes'.

Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot bitches, I speak them all.

I lean down to the table, taking a whiff of the heavenly perfume that emanates from the congealing mass of cheese. Oh come to mama! I don't even want to think about the shit those fuckers had been pushing into me for the past six months. It should be a fucking crime to think about that shit with a slice of heaven in front of me. My eyes glance up and notice Jasper is back to not moving, Peter picks up on it too and heads over to whisper something in his ear as he gives him a man hug. Boys!

"Stop cuddlecocking over there you two and come tell me what there is to do in Balmorhea, as I consume this fuckawesome pizza – thank fuck I don't have to share with you guys!"

Peter tries to swipe at a piece for shits and giggles, and I give him a mini growl at his approaching hand. He bursts out laughing and pounces back on the sofa next to Charlotte, whispering naughty things in her ear by the way she's squirming in that seat. What kinds of fucked up role play have I setup with that getup!

I take a seat and dive into the steaming box, recollecting on the fact that this is the most interaction I've ever had with Jasper, ever. We were always kept away from one another, Christ I even had more interaction with Rosabitch, and that's fucking sad! He's flat turned down several opportunities at making a meal of me, fucking _rubbed_ himself up against me in the shower, and didn't flip his shit when I broke him out of his circle jerk of a mindfuck earlier. Those assholes had gone out of their way to keep him from me, saying he wasn't _strong enough _and could _snap_ at any moment, Fuckward had even had the balls to cite him as a reason for leaving! Fucking pussy!

I think now, we've got our chance to finally be friends, maybe this is my gift before I shuffle that last mile to the finish line. I'll be making damn sure to cheer his serious ass up and fix some of the damage they've caused. One of us should get the benefit of my clarity; I wasn't going to be around long enough to benefit from it.

The influx of cheese and the stress of the day's events rapidly encroached as I sat in the soft leather chair, listening to the melodic chimes of the three of them rambling amongst themselves about random shit. Before I know it I'm floating, suspended in a pair of steel arms and gazing into a set of golden eyes that flash in the darkness.

I blink.

I'm placed on the cloudlike bed, and I'm asleep before I realise it's happened.

But before I drift off completely, I register the fact that I feel something for the first time in a long time. And it's not completely awful.

How odd.

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**Sharing is caring. Just like reviews... I'll also accept kittens, Stoli, limoncello, tequila, anything rum based, mojitos (only if you can make them properly), and Toblerone****. **

**See, I can be fair!**

**p.s lovemesomejasper, your thundercats is in chapter 15 – most of it is already written.**

**p.p.s Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot - - I was looking for different language versions and came across that little beauty on AngstGoddess003's blog. Snaps for her, and her amazing work! (and yes, I'm fully aware that I just quoted Legally Blonde at you. I'm ashamed for myself, don't rub it in) x**


	15. Chapter 15 WalMart & the PWag

**This chapter is later than promised, I know, you're preaching to the crowd dear [insert your name here] – never never never never write when you're pissed at your computer, more specifically Vista *crosses self & throws salt over my shoulder* which decided to fuck me over when I went to get rid of it. I've been working off flatmates laptop while she's been away, but it's just not that same *sob*. But I had some Dell High Priests round and they took it away and exorcised that bitch, so I'm now running Windows 7 (hallelujah!!!!), so here's some Chapter 15 for you! Finally. **

**And I made it a little longer to atone for my sins... Forgive me? I wuv u, please don't leave me alone on the forest floor – there's wolves out there! And they smell funky.**

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**AN. Fandom Gives Back. Haven't about it? What rock have you been living under?!?!**

**I know I'm shiny and new, but some of you find my shit tres amusant, so I've put two items up for grabs, because it's for charity and I'm a sucker for a good cause. I've lost friends to cancer, so understand the importance of sticking people up for cash. So... you could have an outtake of your choice from The Last Mile, or a 5k oneshot featuring two characters of your choice and *your very own name* le gasp! Each is up for $25 dollars, so yeah... someone buy me bitches he he! It's for charity, and you don't want to disappoint the little kids with cancer do you... **

***big sad eyes – think puss in boots in Shrek, that's what I'm doing on the other end of your screen right now***

**Yeah, I went there... I've already told you hell has reserved my place on the rack, they're oiling that bitch as I type. Find me there at this link, or under the 'Fanfiction Story Auctions' section under Catonspeed FCFS Multiples (page 2 of the whores list):**

http://thefandomgivesback(dot)proboards(dot)?board=fic&action=display&thread=184 _--- ************** i'm totes sold out! in 5mins OMJ!!!!******************_

**L x**

**p.s Mine and lacym3's roundmound entry has gone up – so that's another 5.6k words of catonspeed awesomeness of WIN to read ;)**

**My teaser:** "_Poor Emmett. They ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. He had such promise!_"

**Lacym3's teaser:** "_Well, I dont think the good lord had this in his draft of the bible Genesis, Exodious, Leviticus....RoundMound 101_?"

**Oh yeah... and we've called it "_Master Cuddlecock_" because we can (twatter joke for those not cool enough to be found on there mwahahaha!). And it's funny as fuck! Tee hee!**

**Read it here - **http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5506954/1/ _**and leave us a review!!! **_**(because it will make me love you long time...)**

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**One _very _last thing:** NCChris says I need a disclaimer before this starts – because she actually almost died – choked on a fucking Coke! So there... consider yourself warned.

Now... ONWARDS!

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**JPOV**

She feels so right, here in my arms. I almost don't want to put her down. Her warmth wraps me up whole and stops the circle jerk of a mindfuck going on inside my brain. None of us had realised she'd fallen asleep until that last slice of pizza landed with a slap on the floor from her unfurling hand.

Her eyes meet mine as she lazily blinks at the change of light from the living room into the darkened hallway. I continue through to the room already layered with her scent, eyes focused on her face all the way. That room is hers in every way that counts now, for as long as she wants it.

Pulling her tight to my body, and leaning her on my chest like a child, I carefully turned back the covers, and gently lay her down on the bed, softly tugging the covers up around her.

She's too fucking pale.

She'd always been pale for a human, but only her hair and eye lashes, and the glow of the moonlight on her translucent skin, distinguishes her from the white bedding.

It's not fucking right.

My body detects a third person in the room before my mind can catch up.

"I don't know how things went down in your day Jasper, but these days they arrest pervy old men who watch young women sleep. There was a whole segment on Cops on it last week..."

Fucking Charlotte.

I put her to bed and suddenly I'm a perv?

_Do you _really_ want me to answer that? 'cause number one, listen back to what you just thought... Yeah. Thought so. And two, we've got some stories from back in the day... remember those twins at that little cantina in Mexico in the summer of 1871? Now _that_ was a good year for us. Good times..._

You know things are for shit when even the voices in your head are calling you out.

"Come on; let's head out for a bit. She's ok now. We'll look after her; everything's going to be fine Jasper"

Everyone keeps saying that, but it doesn't make any of this easier to process. She's definitely not going anywhere, even if I have to tie her to the bed to keep her here – she's not heading out there alone again. At least I've had these two. She's had nobody; and I'm not the only one who's going to make sure of that. Peter has been oozing out this odd combo of camaraderie, pride, and love – but he's a freaky motherfucker anyway. The real testament, and I don't know how she's done it, is Charlotte. That's the quickest she's has ever taken to anyone. There is a bond of family already. Not that she's a bitch like Rose could be, but it takes something special for her to feel the way she feels looking at Bella right now. Took me a few years... admittedly I was kicking the shit out of her and whipping her into a war machine for, well, pretty much all of that time, but I'm truly a part of them now, as they are of me.

"Stop giving me that look Jasper. She fits. We all feel it."

She tenderly brushed a stray hair from Bella's forehead, and then moved round the bed to wrap an arm around me.

"We'll be right there with the two of you all the way on this. But, right now there's a pride of pussys for you to chow down on in the next state, and Peter and I have a date with a biker gang that's been making hay in the area. He's been looking for a new bike for a while, so two birds, one stone and all that..."

They might give me shit for my eating habits, but there's nothing but pride and affection there. There never is anything else. No doubt. No lack of trust. No second glances. Even if I did fuck up they would still be there. They are my family. We look out for one another, and will bring the pain to anyone who fucks with that. We're survivors of one of the devil's personal whores, and that bonds you. Looks like we've gained another member.

For the first time in a long time, I can't wait to see what happens next.

First though, I need to eviscerate some shit; and those mountain lions will make a fine starting point.

My muscles bunch and tense in anticipation, waiting for the adrenaline that will never run.

The desolate woods and wastelands of Texas are not the place to be tonight.

With one last glance back, we're out the door and running into the night.

_She'll still be there when you get back._

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**BPOV**

Le-fucking-sigh! I didn't dream this beauty up - it exists! Oh bed, you complete me. You of the silky soft sheets of fluff, I heart you long time baby. I wouldn't even charge you for sucky sucky...

I languidly stretch out, feeling that first movement of the day ripple and sigh through every inch of me. It tingles. I feel...good. Huh! They should recommend this shit to the drug companies - soft pillows and a fuckton of cheese... I can see the advert now... I think those sparkly future tigers of mine would make an appearance. Maybe they'd be riding mini bicycles in their waistcoats, as the dancing cheese slices revolve around them in synchronised circles... There needs to be one hell of a theme tune though, otherwise it'll just look odd.

I'm interrupted from my stretchfest and genius of a marketing plan by a pair of mischievous ruby eyes, that pop up at the side of the bed like a submarine.

Peter.

Who is still wearing the kittypire getup.

I tap on the bed and call to him.

"Here kitty, kitty..."

That's _never_ going to get old.

I'm suddenly airborne as he pounces on the mattress; and he deftly catches me mid air as gravity takes effect on his launch o'bella. We're almost instantaneneously in the kitchen, and I find myself being placed on a stool as I re-enter the atmosphere. Engage booster flares!!! My stomach is still wrapped up in the sheets, and my brain has not yet opened for business. Fuck off, we're very much closed.

Oh god... that cheese would be making its way back up if it hadn't coalesced into a ball in my gut. I have to bend over, with my head between my legs on the chair to stop shit from spinning. There is two of everyone, and that's two too many this close to waking up.

"One of you smack that whisker faced bastard - I can't do it as hard as I'd like."

There's a double resounding echo of a crack that brings me nothing but satisfaction, and I look up to see Peter scowling at Jasper, and pouting at Charlotte, whilst rubbing the back of his head. Jasper looks fucking amused and is smirking away like a champ.

"What the fuck – you told me to check if she was awake yet!"

My stomach rumbles again.

I'm still hungry?!?

If memory serves me right, by my calculations I should have one more slice of that pizza kicking around, and nothing beats cold pizza first thing.

"Coffee. Pizza. Give."

I wave my arms in a hurry the fuck up motion, because it feels like my insides are going to digest themselves, and the only way to counteract the morning after effects of a cheese hangover, is more cheese, with a side of cheese. Hair of the dog that bit you and all that.

"What do you say?"

Now...? Jokes before caffeine do not compute Peter.

It's Jasper who drops the bombshell though.

"You dropped it on the floor. That shit went in the bin."

Oh. My. God.

"You're fucking quick – you didn't think to catch it? And there's the whole three second rule! What the hell guys?!? I hope you have a car then, because I'm no good before feeding and watering, and Bella Swan does not run. Ever."

I look down at my feet. Someone has put shoes on them. When the fuck did that happen? These are not mine though... but I'm keeping them; they've got cute little bows and a midsized heel on them, and they fit me like a glove.

"Especially not in _these_ shoes; and I'm certainly not riding any of you like a horse."

I turn and point at Jasper.

"You. You still owe me dinner from the shower, so get your wallet out - you're buying."

Peter darts past all of us, and I catch something floating past on the wind.

"I'm driving!"

Jasper rolls his eyes in the direction Peter has just scampered off in, and shakes his head in distain. I shoot a questioning look at him, but he just gestures for me to go outside to where the rumble of an engine is drawing rapidly closer as I move through the hallway. I've clearly missed something there. Nice decor... Someone's been watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and then added a touch of class.

I cross the threshold of the open front door, and I'm not sure where to look.

The scenery is beautiful.

There are rolling plains of fields and brush, edged on three sides by mountainous outcroppings that soar in an array of golden browns and reds from the earth. The sky is a swirling mass of scrawling thunder clouds, blown by gusts of wind, that blast humid air at my face.

That's all secondary.

All I can see is the truck in front of me.

The bright yellow Chevrolet Silverado SS.

That has been done up as an exact replica to something I never thought I'd see in real life, let alone fucking _Texas_.

Hotrod red flames lick backwards from the shiny chrome plated front grill, and curly cursive script declares 'PUSSY WAGON' at the back in this garish pinkie red that's piped with white, that just screams the words at my eyes.

Peter is leaning all casual, one arm out the window of this bastardised beast.

I have no response.

I simply gape at him…

…and the truck.

Ok, mainly the truck. It's fucking all I can see now.

"What? It goes with today's look."

His hand gestures at the shit still attached to his face and head. And I have to admire his Vulcan logic – Spock would concur.

Fuck it! The truck has style. That leaves only one thing to do...

"Shotgun!!!"

I scamper off giggling like a naughty child to the door Peter has just thrown open for me. I quickly settle myself into the plush red leather seats that hug and hold me, as they mold themselves to my body. My fingers run hungrily over the dashboard. God, he'd got every detail just right. I'm molesting the interior when doors click open and shut, and Jasper and Charlotte slide into the back seats. Assholes and their super speed! No fair!

I feel like something's missing though... but Peter has figured it out, because he hands me the coolest motherfucking pair of gold wire rimmed, reflective aviators that I have ever seen, and carefully slides them onto my face for me, before whipping out a pair for himself.

Now we're in business.

"So... is there a Wal-Mart around here?"

"There's one in Stockton, which is about a 20 minute drive in the P-Wag. Why?"

I lower the glasses down to the tip of my nose, and tilt my head towards him.

"Two birds, one stone, Peter. I'm all about the multitasking. Just drive."

Pushing the frames back up securely on my face, I tap the radio dial on, and the opening bars of 'Bad To The Bone' by George Thorogood & The Destroyers, twangs out, all steely and raw.

Perfect.

Four minutes and fifty seconds of contented silence later, it segways into '(Don't Fear) The Reaper' by Blue Öyster Cult – oh the irony! I'm riding in a car full of vamps, being hounded by Death, who's decided to take the form of cancer. It's when that moves into 'Won't Get Fooled Again' by The Who, that I realise this is a CD mix and not the radio, and the overarching theme here is my life, with a healthy dose of 'FUCK YOU!'

He's a fucking comedian that Peter.

"Nice. What else do we have on here..."

'Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival'

Flick

'Who Wants To Live Forever - Queen'

Flick

'The Final Countdown - Europe'

Flick

'Once Bitten Twice Shy - Ian Hunter'

I can't help but burst out laughing at that one, and I turn and smile at him. He grins back, all flashy teeth and mirrored eyes.

Flick

'Free bird' by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

That sobers me back up.

I let that one play.

You can't forward through 'Free bird'. It's law.

The truck rolls on down the highway, with the words and guitar riffs floating melancholy and heavy on the air, as the low clouds continue to threaten their rain on the open horizon. Nobody speaks, but silence is comforting, as all the P-Wag passengers sit back and drink that shit in. My fingers rest on the open window, playing with the ribbons of air that pass through my waving fingertips, as we cruise at an easy Mach 4.

We enter Stockton as the last notes ring out, and quickly pull into the car park of the red, white, and blue monstrosity. Hello, great American pastime. Time to pull out 'The List' I think, I've got a few items left on there. The truck barely stops before I'm off out the door, with the rest of them scrambling to keep up at their mock human speed.

"Come on! Time's a-wasting!"

I dig into my pocket, and pull out a threadbare piece of paper, that's been taped together multiple times like a patchwork quilt. I suppose in some ways it is, this is how I marked time and travel, before I ended up in the hospital. Thought I'd never get to finish it. I'm smoothing it out as we pass through the automatic doors, ready to check my status.

**16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART**

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.  
_X 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.  
X 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms._  
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in house wares"... and see what happens.  
_X 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away._  
_X __6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area._  
_X 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department._  
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"  
_X __9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose._  
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.  
_X __11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme._  
_X __12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels._  
_X __13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"_  
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the foetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"  
_X 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!_  
_X 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"_

They've gathered round me as I survey my options. Maybe they can make themselves useful and knock some more of these off... The bag boys are gawking at us, and it takes me a minute to remember that Peter doesn't usually sport facial accessories. I think. Hell, who knows! Hope this isn't his local for any 'cover purchases' they make though, I've been banned from the last three Wal-Mart's I entered.

"Awww hell!" I point out number 5 to them "You know that bag of M&M's is still in Ohio if you ever find yourself that way and have a spare 99 cents. It was 1% deposit day – I couldn't resist."

Jasper gestures to take a closer look, and I pass it on as I grab a basket. I need food too – hopefully I can get that before security tosses us out.

"Oh Jasper! Number 10! Number 10 was made for you! I'd ask you to do number 8, but the whole no tears fuck that one right up. And you know what, it's a shame Fuckward was such a cunt teasing, cock sucking, asshole, because hello? Number 14 baby!"

Jasper looks a little taken aback by my casual referencing of he-who-must-not-be-named. Whatever. This is my life, it happened. Nothing can change it. And that shit would be hilarious. End of.

I turn to Peter and Charlotte.

"If you two don't want to watch me hunt, you can take care of number one for me..."

I'm ready to pull the big glassy eyes out of the bag, but their faces light up, and they're off eyeing up potential victims.

I fucking love Wal-Mart.

Now. I need some vittles, and Whitlock is buying, so it's nothing but the good stuff.

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**JPOV**

I've been following Bella around the store, watching in horrific fascination as she parades from aisle to aisle, putting the most god-awful smelling, and brightly boxed shit in her basket. I had no idea chocolate could be put into so many items. Fruit, bread, biscuits, milk... Christ! The list goes on! Being a vampire is easier than picking out this shit – hell, if it's furry, moves on four legs, and can't talk its fair game! Except horses, a man's got to have limits. But she's just spent ten minutes looking at two identical fucking boxes, having who knows what kind of a discussion in her head, as one boxes moves up in one hand, and then back down as the other goes up. Up and down, up and down. This process has been going back and forth, back and forth. How much sugar can one person need? Would it kill her to pick up something healthy?

Oh.  
Guess it wouldn't...

She's finally come to a decision though.

Both boxes go in the basket.

I can't help the snort that shoots out of my nose. Bella responds by snaking a hand out and grabbing another box, whilst raising an eyebrow at me. I raise one right back – you're not the only one who can pull off that look Miss Bella.

"Seriously? It's buy one get one free. On KitKat's, Jasper. Do you know how rare it is to find KitKat's, in Walmart? In a Wal-Mart in _Texas_ none the less? And not only KitKat's, but CHUNKY _white_ KitKat's?!?"

She raises a hand and scrubs tiredly at her face, whilst muttering under her breath.

"_God I'm explaining this to the wrong person. If you didn't comprehend the magic that is Toblerone, this is way out of your league... heaven forbid we ever come across Malteaser's..._"

Bella and her fucking candy. It's like watching one of those car crash documentaries on TV. This must be a new development; Edward would have pitched a shit fit if this obsession was going down when he was fucking her over. God, the number of bitch rants about the youth of today I'dhad inflicted on me. Thank fuck we were both outta there, it's only the circumstances that sucked ass. We both carry scars from our pasts. It's just that most of mine litter the surface of my skin.

I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous shit in the basket again. She's not impressed by this.

"Come on Emosper, let's go fuck with the good people of Walmart – I want number ten off the list."

Emo. I hate that word.

"I'm not fucking emo."

Fucking stupid power...

"Jasper. I wouldn't be surprised if you invented 'emo'. Quit your pouting! What would you prefer? _Sensitive_? Awww my precious little flower!"

She's attempting to smoosh my cheeks, but they won't so much as dent for her feeble swipes at finding purchase on my skin there.

"Fuck you, Swan!"

I'm all fucking man.

_Don't, whatever you do, say that shit out loud– she'll bury you, and so will I._

"You wish, Jasper."

She winks at me, all sorts of amused, and then grabs me by the hand and tries to drag me off to the hunting department.

I don't think so.

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**BPOV**

He's holding his hand out to me.

What the fuck does he want?

"Give me the basket – you've got too much shit in there, and it's heavy."

I'm sorry, when did I suddenly become incapable of holding my own shit? I don't think so. He can't have caught my face of doom though, because he just keeps going...

"I'm looking after you, stop being difficult, woman, and accept it!"

*403 error!*

"_Woman_? What the fuck do I need a _man_ for? Are you trying to tell me I needed a _man_ to take care of myself?!? I had the _goddamn_ rabbit! You might be the all new 'Rodeo Ken', but I buckle bunny for no one – I told you when I got here I'm not a fucking pet Jasper! I don't _need_ looking after."

Woah, femsplosion! But I've been looking out for myself for years now. I have to remind myself that not everyone has an ulterior motive for trying to be nice to me. Not sure where those fuckers have been though, but it's a fucking reflex reaction now.

"For fuck's sake, Bella! I don't see you as a fucking _pet._"

The word spits like acid, and I flinch inside, knowing he's thinking about _Alice _in that moment.

"You've never been a pet to me! Damn woman, I know you can look after yourself, just let me carry the damn basket and then maybe buy you the food. Please."

God. He's pulling out sad face, and the big big eyes, and for someone who can't fucking cry, it's breaking me. Considerate, no good, charming, rat bastard.

"Fine," I manage to squeeze out through gritted teeth, "Thank you."

I feel dirty just saying it. Can't believe I'm apologising here.

Then he smirks, and pulls it out of my hands, and starts to drag _me_ off.

That's when I realise I've just been played.

Fucking vampires.

"There. Was that so hard?"

He jokes, too?

"You're on thin ice here, Whitlock, don't push it..."

He's a cheeky bastard when he wants to be. I think I like this Jasper.

A tiny smile plays at my lips as he gently tugs me through the labyrinth-like maze of displays. We should have swiped a ball of string and tied it to the front door. His sense of smell is pretty fucking handy though, because we're suddenly in front of a highly polished display counter, which has an arsenal of weaponry laid out like a mailman's personal wet dream.

Jasper stops at a highly lit display, and runs a finger over the glass top, inducing a squeaking noise, as his rock hard hands grate against the glossed glass. He actually cocks a leg, and leans on the counter, gesturing at this giant fuckoff rifle, that lies nestled on a bed of red velvet. He cocks his head at the server who has scampered up like an eager puppy, and puts on a pensive face.

I can't wait to see what he does.

"Do you think Jesus would use this?"

The helper actually goes to reach for the manual under the desk to check... _Fucking hell!_ Then pauses.

"I don't know, Sir, but I do know if Jesus owned a gun, it would be made in America"

I can't swallow back the laughter at that! Oh God, I can't watch this! But Jasper must sense my need to escape, because his hold is like an iron grip. That fucker is going down. I'm actually in danger of peeing myself here.

"You know what, you've got some lovely things here that would help me take care of a few little altercations I've been having with the neighbours, _God_..." he smacks his palm to his forehead, "I mean _wildlife_. But, I think I'll have a think. Do you know if I can get my prescription for antidepressants filled here?"

"Of course. The pharmacy is at the end of aisle 11, next to the gas cylinder refills. You have a nice day now! Good luck with those pesky critters!"

Jasper gives the man a halogen smile that creeps me the fuck out, and then skips off with me in tow. Actual fucking skippage. I may or may not have wet my pants... I can't actually tell.

We round the aisle out of sight, and he has to lean on a display of Cap'n Crunch for support. That bastard.

He quickly recovers, and looks me dead in the eye with a straight face, before pulling my list out of his pocket, magicking a pen from somewhere, and ticking that one off, before handing it back to me.

"Come on, let's go buy your mountain of sugar, before that fucktard engages his brain and calls security."

Wouldn't be the first time...

I want the candy land that inhabits my basket, so we make our way towards the front of the store. Jasper tries to sneak an apple in there, but I throw that straight back at him. He catches it, but I make my point.

I'm distracted from my thoughts of payback by the reappearance of Peter in the checkout line. Who apparently can't understand _simple_ instructions. Retard. His basket is overflowing to the brim with loose condoms – he's emptied out god only knows how many boxes in there. Its veritable visual eyecandy of colours _and_ flavours, he got quite the selection apparently.

"Peter! You were supposed to put them in other people's baskets!"

I'm not crossing it off the list if it's not done right!

"I did Swan.

And... you're up, so think fast!"

He pulls out the vampire speed and dumps the contents into my basket as it rolls forwards on the conveyor belt, with the departure of the customer in front of us.

Well played Peter, well played.

The till monkey picks the basket up, meets my eyes and smirks at me.

I was almost tempted to flounce on outta here and guilt trip that fucker Peter into making me upset. Yeah, I'd play the cancer card. What good is it if I can't play that bitch from time to time? Fucking depressing, that's what. But you know what, there's KitKat's in the bottom of that basket, and I want them. And till monkeys do not get to look down on me – I'm not that one in the polyester vest. It's on now bitch.

How to play this, how to play this...

Ohhhh Peter. You've just been made the Bonnie to my Clyde. Yeah, he's definitely the bitch in this situation.

I put my hand on the till monkeys arm to halt his gawking at my basket, and read his badge.

_"Hi, My name is Dave'! How can I help you today?"_

Poor Dave. Life and that exclamation mark at the end of your name there, hate you today.

I wink at him and gesture for him to wait a moment, before sticking my hand in the top of the basket and swirling those condoms around like candy with one finger. The packets crackle and rustle as they slide and rub up against one another. I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and bite down gently, turning slightly to face Peter.

"My dove... is this going to be enough for the weekend? And I don't see the Very Cherry lube in here, do we still have some at home? I don't want to run out and go dry again, your ass wasn't the same for weeks – I told you we should have used the smaller strap on, but no, you wanted your ass to get fucked."

I raise a hand to my mouth and stage whisper to Dave.

"He likes to bottom, you know."

Peter is stunned.

Didn't see that coming did ya! Charlotte is trying really hard to hold herself together. I turn to Jasper and trail a hand up his thigh.

If I'm doing this I'm going all out. Bella- _Fucking_-Swan takes no prisoners.

"What about you, honey? Do we have everything we need to fuck Peter with?"

Our earlier fiscal disagreement is apparently forgotten and Jasper's decided he wants in on this one. He wraps an arm around my waist, drawing me hard up against him, my soft body moulding to the hard lines of his. Apparently, Jasper was quite well built when he was turned, because I'm getting front row tickets to the gun show now,and it's all access. His finger tips run electric up and down my arm, as he trails his nose up my neck to press a light kiss to my pulse point, before patting me on the ass and turning me back to Dave.

"I think we're all good, sugar."

Where is Jasper the emo pussy and who the hell has replaced him? My heart is trying to go ten to the dozen inside my chest, as it attempts to beat its way back into the circle of his arms, whilst my legs carry me forward. God help any lady he intentionally turns that shit on at. Poor Dave is not faring well either though, but I'm doing a distinctly better job at hiding it – score one for the weakened body, because apparently my heart can only go so fast these days, so I know _I'm_ not embarrassing the shit out of myself right now!

This is clearly better than the 5 minute preview Dave gets at midnight. He's panting shallow laboured breaths on his chair, his skin flushed, pupils dilated, with a light greasy sheen misting his forehead as he takes in the show. I wonder what part had the most effect? He was hanging in there until the talk of bottoming... Note to self: Bella, ask Jasper at which point he creamed himself later.

"Ok Dave, we're all good, ring me up!"

I throw in another wink for Dave, and slowly outline my top lip with my tongue. Mmmm, I taste like cherry lip gloss. Dave shakily starts to take out and scan through each individually wrapped condom, his eyes unfocused and burning at my mouth, before giving up and dumping the whole basket into a bag, thrusting it at me, and running off towards the back of the store.

Hells yes, free KitKat's! Bella Swan for the win! Time to bask in the glow of my victory.

"Looks like I outsmarted you this time Peter, snarfer snarfer snarfer!"

POW bitch!

"Did you just _Thundercat_ me?"

_Finally_, someone who gets the magic of the 80s! It had been running through my head since the ears and tail went on last night – I think I'm going to miss it when they come off later.

"Yeah. Yeah I did."

Now... I think there was a decent looking liquor store I saw next door on the way in... 'Apache Liquors'. I bet the Indians are so fucking proud...

* * *

**JPOV**

Miss Bella. The devil in angel's clothing. Although there's nothing pure about her ass in those jeans. I feel like I should be ashamed for staring at them, but I can't bring myself to be. She's not that little girl anymore, and I'm not that pussy she barely knew anymore. Well I'm trying hard not to be.

I hadn't been paying attention until her hand was practically on my cock. She'd leaned forward and her shirt had risen up, showing off the tiniest sliver of skin at the base of her spine, which drew my eyes like lasers. Barely anything, but damn, just that peek exploded some seriously dirty scenarios in my mind... At which point I quickly caught up with the shit going down and ran with that bitch. There are so few times you get to pull something over on the fucker, so I was in. Plus, it wasn't a terrible hardship to get better acquainted with her newly adult form when I was fully _compos_ _mentis_.

This was a surprisingly, dare I say it, fun day. Who knew shopping could be this fucking funny. Admittedly we'd never be allowed back here. They were probably pulling our images from the security footage for later refusal, but like we'd ever be coming back! Plus, there was another one in Pecos we could finish her list with...

She practically skips out the automatic doors that slide and sigh open for her. She turns and spins in a stray ray of sunshine that breaks through the clouds, and her smile is beautiful – she looks so alive...

Then she sways almost imperceptibly, her eyes roll back in her head and she crumples like a puppet to the floor.

* * *

**AN. Did I just cut your strings? :p**

**Review and tell me about it – I love your feedback**...

***403 error* -** Forbidden. There's some compooter geekery for you.

_**Oh, and don't forget to go look at mine and lacym3's Round Mound of a Beehound entry: **_

http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5506954/1/

_**and leave us a review!!!**_

_**because it will make me love you long time, and i won't charge for sucky sucky either like Bella-Fucking-Swan ;)**_


	16. Chapter 16 Boundary issues

**AN. In the words of AngstGoddess003, "Fellatio common among fruit bats, says research."**

**That is all.**

**Nah... that's not all, but it's a short AN this time – They've moved the 'Round Mound of a Beehound' entries over to Fanfiction, so you can read and vote on the piece at the below link – it's crackfic, and if you don't find it funny you should seek medical assistance. For realz, there is something wrong with you ;) if you thought drink spillage on the last chapter of TLM was bad, you need to clear all liquids in your vicinity for that piece of fuckery **http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5506954/1/

**Oh and I've immortalised the other half of my brain, one** lifelesslyndsey** in this chapter, because she rocks my socks, and I heart her! Go spank her on the ass and say hello from me ;)**

**The end.**

**L x**

**p.s I was recc'd by the jaspersdarlin's this week and promptly fell off my chair - you ladies popped ma rec cherry... I feel a little diiiiiiirty now... I like it!  
**

**p.p.s Oh, and some of you were asking if that revenge on flatmate was completed. Yeah... she got hers. But then she initiated a jump war on me, and there is now a battle field operating within the confines of our humble abode. Flak jackets and ammo are recommended upon entry, and our friends have been divided into camps. Fraternising with the enemy is strongly frowned up. I'm 3-1 up after some excellent cupboard work. I fucking rule. End of ;)**

* * *

**JPOV**

There are few moments in life where you find yourself standing there frozen in a moment, your mind quiet and vacant as life barrels on by you like a mack truck, the gravitational pull tugging something deep down inside of you along with it in its wake.

Now I've lived a long fucking time, but most of mine can be attributed to the waif of a girl who has just introduced her face to the tarmac in front of me. I can see her falling, I know the sun is shining, I _know_ I can reach her; I wouldn't even give a damn about disco balling the other eight people in the parking lot. I'm quick. They'd never see me coming, and I'd make sure they wouldn't feel a thing. But I'm frozen. She's ripped my heart out on her way down, and it's bleeding out on the ground between her spasming fingertips, each jerk of her muscles squeezing out a little more life out.

The fall is poetic. Strands of her hair whip by one another and shine in the play of light, the fabric of her clothes rustles like leaves in an autumn storm. Her body slumps and arcs with an unnatural balletic grace before gravity extends its claws upwards, claiming her for its own.

I am trapped inside myself, watching this play out.

_Not her. Not her. Not her. Not HER._

She is finally at one with the glittering black stone, the contrast of her pale skin and the glassy flecs would be beautiful in any other setting but this, as her body shakes and her eyes roll back in her head.

I still can't move. Why can I never move?

Sounds and air rush back at me as Peter quickly moves forward and snatches her up from the ground.

_That should be me._

"Do you think her three second pizza rule applies here?"

His hands gently brush down the dirt that has smeared her jeans. I watch each pass of his fingers, the sounds of his skin grating over every stitch and weave of the fibres, the crunching of particles as the whorls of fingerprints pry the dust and particles away. I want to remove his hands and wear them from my belt.

"It's just a little dirty, it's still good, it's still good."

He's waiting for a reaction, but, damn, he doesn't want the one that's crawling up my skin, the one that's telling me to destroy any part of him that's touching her. This man is my brother and I want him dead. It's not rational and I am employing everything in me not to take action.

He edges forward slowly and places her in my arms. His eyes never move from mine. Mine never move from her, or his hands.

My body sighs as I hold her. She's too still, but she's breathing. The need to mutilate him is trickling away.

It's now he chooses to slap me upside the head.

"Why didn't you catch her?!?"

Motherfucker! Am I the only one here?

"Why didn't _I_ catch her?"

"Yes, fucktard! Oh wait... you've been too busy checking out her ass to notice she went and invented a whole new shade of white!" He smacks his hand to his face. "Silly me!"

She spasms once more and then stills. The clouds have returned, and the rain that had been threatening all morning was falling less than a mile away. I could see and hear it in the distance, and smell it in the air. Peter and Charlotte turned to each other, and then back to me with a quick muttered _we'll get the car_ before darting off to it.

Bella's hair is a mess. My hand reaches out of its own volition and smoothes it back from her face, untangling the knots in the curls, each strand parting like silk between my fingers. This would be calming if I hadn't just witnessed her go through a massive seizure. I started off towards the truck that I can hear Peter and Charlotte have just started, my senses cataloguing every function of her body as it lies suspended once again between my arms. I can hear the blood whoosh through her heart, trickling under her skin, and feel the pulse of it where our skin meets. I can smell the chemical changes in her body as it fights to recover from the effects of the seizure, the light sheen of sweat that has formed on the surface of her skin, mixing with that undeniable scent of just plain _Bella,_ and the lingering drugs in the system. Broken capillaries crawl slowly spiderlike over one cheek where it collided with the ground, conquering new ground millimetre by millimetre. It's barely anything, but it guts me that I've contributed to her pain at all.

I'm trying to manoeuvre Bella's limp form between two cars when this lady, sporting an 'I 3 Misha Collins 4EVA' t-shirt, cuts right in front of me yapping away on her cell, and dragging a three legged dog behind her, causing me to nearly drop Bella.

"$12 for .5 oz lotion that will dry my skin out more before it goes away, may cause bleeding, and makes me itch for a whole day. Yeah! Who doesn't want to pay to be itchy and dry and smell like meat? I'm Beef _fucking_ Jerky!"

She fucking smells like it too.

We're fucking dancing round each other and she's moving in my way.

Every.

Fucking.

Time.

I'm gonna bite that bitch if she doesn't move out the way.

I must have been putting out the pissy vibes because her head snaps right up and surveys me like _I'm_ the fucking problem. Her eyes narrow at the checked out girl in my arms, and laser in on the redness that has now bloomed like a flower upon her cheek.

Her suspicion skyrockets, and I'm surprised I can't hear the wheels clicking away in her head and the sirens barrelling towards us in the distance.

Awww fuck! I look like a goddamn kidnapper here!

I gesture back toward the store with my head at this woman.

"It's those low low prices, too much excitement for her!"

I push all the trust and fluff at that bitch I can, and her head bobbles like one of those nodding dogs as she turns and stumbles off, high as a fucking kite at the chill-the-fuck-out vibes I'd been hitting her with, dragging that dog behind her.

Ok, maybe this shit was handy from time to time.

_Time to time? You could use it to get into chicks pants! It's a fucking awesome power you fool! You could take over the world!_

I finally make it to the truck, which had been pulled out of the bay and is waiting, the engine roaring even in its idling state, and the back passenger door open waiting for us. I manoeuvre the two of us into the backseats with the utmost precision, and pull her close to me as we lurch forward, peeling out of the lot.

I'm so fucking grateful I got bored that summer of 2001 and went through the entire medical section of the _Carlisle's_ library, because I could register the severity of what had just happened to Bella, but could at least see she was coming back out of it, her skin already flushing lightly with the blood her system was frantically pumping around. The full extent wouldn't be known until she came back around, which she should...

The lines of my face are defiant, commanding. I'm doing this no matter what.

"I'm going to offer to turn her."

I feel like I should be meeting some resistance from them, _other _people would. I snap a lid shut on that thought though. They just nod in agreement, no flicker in their constant emotions, before Charlotte pipes in with her two cents.

"I don't think you'll have a problem. Chemo juice tastes rank, but we'll pull you off her if you start looking like you're going to go postal"

Peter nods his head in the driver's seat, and adjusts the mirror so he can see us in the back seat. He's radiating a massive amount of protectiveness that's directed at Bella. They'd both make sure nothing went wrong. I damn well would make sure of that, too; but they would be there to back me up if I needed it.

I trace the evidence of Bella's last bite with a fingertip. It blemished her otherwise perfect skin. Not obvious to anyone else but a vampire. This will go, but my own teeth marks will imprint themselves on her forever.

_Unless she says no._

Holy fuck! What if she says no?!? What if she doesn't want to fight anymore? What if she doesn't want to live? What if she doesn't want to stay with us? With me? She can't give up. I don't want her to give up. I don't want to give _her_ up. Not now. Not now she's here, and I've held her in my arms, and we've laughed. What the fuck would I do with this mountain of fucking candy and condoms! She said we'd fix this, that they'd pay. She has to live. Fuck_shit_damn_it_! She's not allowed to quit!

Peter shifts suddenly in his seat and my eyes meet his in the rear view mirror.

"Whitlock, what do you think you're doing back there?"

I raise her wrist to my mouth. Fucking saving her, that's what.

A breath draws sharply in beneath me.

I freeze.

Her eyelids flutter like startled butterflies before flashing open, those big brown eyes pan like search lights, confusion painting her features before landing on my face, and then down to her wrist.

"Jesusfuck Whitlock! Take that out of your mouth! Drop it!"

Shit.

"I'm just checking your pulse?"

That sound believable right? Damn, why did it have to come out like a question!

_Ummm... Nice try, but not even Britney would buy that pile of horse shit, and that bitch was married to K-Fed._

I curse _Alice_ again that I even know shit like that.

"What? With your tongue? I must have missed that technique during first aid."

I manage to look suitably abashed. _I'd_ be blushing right now if I still could.

"And why the fuck does my ass hurt?"

Her eyes level at me in a way that suggests I've violated her whilst she was unconscious. I fucking wish.

_Me too Jasper, me too._

At least she's focusing on that right now, and not the fact that she came to with me basting her wrist with my tongue. She scrambles back off my lap to the other side of the truck, wincing with every movement, scowling at me like I just told her they'd stopped making KitKats or some shit. I want to drag her right back into my lap; my body feels the loss of her heat already.

"Emopire wasn't paying attention"

Oh, thanks, Peter. Thanks _very_ much.

Bella looks momentarily confused and then realisation breaks across her face like a wave.

"I should have eaten something in the store; I pass out when I get low blood sugar!"

She digs into one of the bags on the floor and pulls out one of those KitKats, momentarily molesting the shiny red wrapper, before shredding it with her nails, and shoving it into her mouth... The whole thing may as well be in slow motion to me as she wraps her lips around the candy bar.

_Focus Jasper!_

Good god! What the hell is happening to me!

"Bella. That was not _fainting_. That was a massive fucking _seizure_."

It's not polite to swear at a lady, but she's just fucking shrugged like it's not a big deal.

* * *

**BPOV**

Ow! My ass, my side, my arm, and did I mention my ass? They _burn_! Motherfucking useless sparklepires! I should be appreciating the humanity of their ability to be fallible, but right now I wish one of them engaged the brain for a minute there and caught me before I introduced myself to the ground. We're well acquainted already, we don't need further introductions – we're the ex-lovers who skirt the opposite sides of the room at parties in order to meet the required court appointed distance so we don't get the po-po involved.

"What part of brain tumour don't you get? This shit happens. Next time, throw a cushion under me, or here's a thought..." I rubbed my chin in contemplation and then smack a look for surprise on my face "CATCH ME!"

The concept can't be that difficult, maybe I need to draw up flash cards or some kind of graphs and charts for them to illustrate this:

Bella + bruises = Pissy Bella

Pissy Bella = No fun for anyone

No fun for anyone = Unleashing of special powers of annoyance

Unleashing of special powers of annoyance = The Great Hospital Scandal of 2012

The doctor was careful where he waved that stethoscope of his after that little run in...

"We could sidestep all of that and you could just become a vampire."

Two simultaneous face slaps resounded from the front of the truck.

My brain _must_ have just misfired or some shit.

"I'm sorry, Emopire says what? I think I just blacked out there for a second."

He's staring at me like I've missed something obvious...

He said that?

He said that and meant that?

"What the fuck! You just can't spring that kinda shit on a girl, Whitlock! Oh. My. _God_. You were going to bite me before I woke up there, weren't you! Jesus _Christ_ on a pogo stick you have some serious boundary issues!"

I can feel my heart rate rising again and attempt to bring that fucker under control before I end up spending most of the day passed out, lost in the inner battlefield of my mind.

"What's so wrong with that? You wouldn't have to worry about the cancer; you'd be stronger, faster, and more capable."

Where the fuck do I begin with that?

"Oh, how about MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED MY MOTHERFUCKING PERMISSION BEFORE YOU ATTEMPTED TO GO ALL HANNIBAL LECTER ON ME!"

In my peripheral vision, I caught Peter sneaking a hand out and slapping the radio on. Jasper and I turned simultaneously to glare at him, and he shrank back under our combined gaze.

R Kelly wailed out of the speakers.

"My miiiiiiinds tellllllllling me nooooooo. But my boddddddyyyyy! My bodddddddyyyy's tellllllllllin' me yeeeeeaaaah!"

_Oh Peter._

Still pinned under Jasper's stare, Peter reached his hand back out and tapped the off button.

What the fuck do you do with _that_? I went with laughing, because that asshole didn't half have timing. I slumped down off the vinyl seat to the floor amongst a sea of candy and condoms, panting for breath and slapping at my thigh.

A crack echoed through the car. I look up just in time to see Char retracting her hand, glaring at Peter.

"She's just had a massive seizure, and you want to make her pass out again? Some days I fucking wonder Peter. Whitlock. Fischer"

Uh oh spaghetti-o! That tone says '_you've fucked up, and you'll still be hearing about it later, when I stick my foot up your ass. _Hard_. And. _Repeatedly.'

We're rolling back up the driveway, and I'm jumping out of the truck, bag of candy in hand and heading for the house before we've barely stopped. Time really does fly when you're having fun. Of course Jasper decides _now_ that he's going to move like the wind, and catches up with me, snatching the bag from my grasp and steering me through the front door, and into the sitting room. I look back and Peter and Charlotte have made themselves scarce. Pussies. They'll be hearing from my lawyer as soon as I find an employ one.

He puts the bag down at the entrance to the room, and walks me to one of the leather armchairs, before pulling the coffee table up in front of it and taking a seat.

"Bella. I would have taken that step if you didn't come to. You're not well, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose you now, to something like this cancer bullshit after everything that's come at you. I made a snap decision, now you may not like it, but the pros outweighed the cons."

Well that's easy for you to say, Bitey McBiterson! I made no attempt at hiding the contempt and annoyance on my face. I've had enough of people making decisions for me. Jasper sighed, and in an almost human gesture, tiredly ran his hand over his face and through his hair, before breathing deeply and meeting my eyes through a curtain of lashes and loose curls.

"I know we never really spoke before, but what do you know about me?"

I run through the catalogue of Jasper facts in my mind, and the file is pretty thin. I'm still pissy with him though, so I shrug my shoulders lightly, my arms crossed tightly across my chest.

"I didn't know if any of the _others_ had ever told you anything..."

He looks a little uncomfortable. He started to fidget a little before gathering himself. I sat up a little straighter. Whatever _this_ is, it's part of that darkness I saw in his eyes in the shower.

"They never said anything. Prissward said it was an invasion of your privacy, only that you were '_dangerous_' - what a fucking joke."

I uncrossed my arms and made the relevant quote marks. He doesn't look amused. He doesn't look anything...

He steels himself and takes a deep unneeded breath.

What spills out of his mouth is a fucked up tale of a Mexican bitch that stole his life and systematically broke him down to the barest scraps of a man, before refashioning him for her own wicked purposes. The things she did _to_ him, _for_ him, in the _name_ of him... she better hope I never come across her pale tanned ass, because we will have words. Strong_ motherfucking_ words! And ass kicking's, and the biggest fucking bonfire known to man, that's what!

I want to pull him into my arms and hold him as he talks about the hundreds and thousands that were trained and fell under his hands, as he employed the skills that had allowed him to save his brothers in the Civil War, to do her whimsical bidding. The death and destruction he spoke about wove in smoke like tendrils around us, his words painting a picture I could practically taste metallic bitter on my tongue. I tasted that every day for eight years, he'd had that every day for 149 years.

I just sat there, face wiped of all emotion to stop myself fracturing and crying for him, as he told me how one night they took out the remainder of his unit, the feeling of horror and then acceptance on a man he remembered laughing and joking with as he cradled him on the desert ground, after ripping out his throat. Then the ways that whore had rewarded him that night, with her body and her flesh. The words spilled from his mouth in a river, the dam firmly broken as he tracked through his life in a level of detail that only a vampire is cursed with the ability to relive.

My eyes were wide open, and I was completely filled with his words.

He never stood a chance. That bitch took advantage of his goodness at the side of that road in 1863, her and those bitches she called sisters – they are lucky they are dust in the wind already, because otherwise they'd have made the list too. Those first three days of burning were nothing compared to the horror that awaited him. She drowned him in the filth of those newborns, fully aware of what that would do to him, anyone would see that shit.

And then _Alice_, after all that, after _all_ he'd been through, she throws him a lifeline of hope and then slaps him in the face with it again? He doesn't need tears, or forgiveness, he needs love, loyalty, a modicum of understanding! I didn't think it was possible, but the _Cullen's_ have just gained another series of check marks in the fucked up column. Their pity and judgement was an insult.

Thank fuck for Peter. Both times. That man was getting a medal or something, because he saved him _time_ and _time_ again, and I would never be able to thank him enough for that. I would make damn sure nobody was ever in a position to hurt him like that again. Somehow Jasper's words had become my own, and were now imprinted on my soul along with my own – we were two sides of the same fucked up and fucked over coin.

His words stop.

He looks ashamed.

His head is hung low, waiting for that final blow from me, for the damnation, the judgement. It angers and cuts me that he expects that reaction.

"Jasper."

I extracted my nails from my palms, surprised they hadn't broken the skin, edged forward on the chair, and pull his face upwards to meet mine with my hands. He resists at first, but then relents.

He still won't meet my eyes.

I lean forward and kiss him gently on the cheek. This man has suffered so much, and he's still here. My lips burn as I pull back. He eyes me with wonder.

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

His mouth opens and closes like a fish, desperately reaching for words he can't find. He finally reaches out a hand and gently squeezes mine, his eyes swirl with the words he can't utter.

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of. I understand now. Just give me some time to process this."

I gesture to my arm, stroking the wrist he was going to bite back in the truck. I do understand. I'm just not sure what I want to do yet. I pat him on the leg and walk out through the doors to the veranda outside. The sun is setting again, and the clouds loom tower-like from the mountain tops.

* * *

**JPOV**

It's been four hours. I'm normally a very patient man, and I know I said I'd give her some space, but what if she's passed out again? What if she's walked off, or talks herself out of this?

On any other occasion, I'd have relished the peace of being left with my own emotions, but as I'd been telling her my story, I'd never wished to feel something from anyone so badly in my life. I'd been waiting the entire time so something, some indication of how she'd take the shit that was just spewing out of my mouth, but she gave away nothing. Of course, it might have been a good thing, because I'm not sure if I could have got that all out if she'd interrupted, but anything would have been good. God forbid that woman ever plays poker, because she'd clean you out with that face.

She'd just sat back and accepted it all, and then kissed me on the cheek. It was the most innocent of contact and kisses, there was nothing sexual in that moment, but damn if it didn't melt a fissure of my heart back together.

I step outside looking for Bella. I couldn't wait for her anymore.

She's hunkered down in the padded cushions of the porch swing, swathed in the darkness that had settled in. Her eyes meet mine, large, shocked, and full of panic, gasping away at the air like it eluded her.

"Jasper..."

_gasp _

"...I don't..."

_gasp _

"...want to..."

_gasp _

"...die."

I darted over to her and wrapped my arms around her, tucking her head under my chin. She was shaking, but it had nothing to do with the cold. She was still fragile inside, that girl I knew in Forks was still in there, she wasn't as hardened as she made out to be.

She leaned into me and I pulled her fully into my lap. We sat there in silence, as I held her together in my arms.

It took a few minutes for her to get her breathing under control. I'd have been happy to stay here like this forever. She pulled her head out from under my chin and pulled back slightly to look up at me with those big wide eyes.

"OK, I'm in Jasper"

* * *

**AN 2.0 – yeah... that little one at the top had more jonesing for more words... in the words of IdreamofEddy 'I have a length problem' ;)**

**Sorry this was so late again, The Fandom Gives Back distracted me big time, and then I got abducted by the ladies at alsltwilight(dot)blogspot(dot)com and then by my twitter h00rs at twiwrite(dot)blogspot(dot)com... I have been a big ball of FAIL *grovels at your feet* I'm like a magpie! Keep shiny things away from me! I'm going to move to an every other week update schedule so it's never a problem, and you know you're definitely getting stuff. I'm shunning all future kidnap attempts, and I've hired guards – they've got weapons and they aren't afraid to use them! **

**Fischer - that's for you Kaylene. Because I'm only borrowing your Peter, although I'd like to talk with you about shared custody, or cloning ;)**

**I have to send out a MASSIVE thank you to mauralee88 and NCChris, who locked down my FGB auction items in the first five minutes! Those ladies have obviously put in some serious finger work practice ;) MWAH!!!!! Also, MaitresseSaint for acquiring my blog pimpin' skillz Together you helped me raise $100 towards FGB and made me squee in the corner for a while... you bitches. Lol!**

**If you're looking for something to read between updates, go check out Sparrabella's 'The War Inside' - love love love this! It's suffering review drought and needs some tender loving care, so feel free to go lexically grope and dry hump it, they don't mind ;) It has hot broken marine Whitlock in it... 'nough said!**

**Ah! & that quote to Jasper when she kisses him on the cheek is Mr Kurt Cobain – I wish I could come up with those kind of words, but everything else I put there was a pale imitation**


	17. Chapter 17 Peach pie and candy

**AN. Ola! Only two days late... so progress hey! he he! I got a little squirely wanting to make sure this was ok, so feel free to kick my ass if you so wish! Not too hard though... i like my ass! I do gay assed squats in the gym to firm that bitch up!  
**

**Couple of tings of note... there was this little contest called the Round Mound of a Beehound... did you go look at it? *narrows eyes at you* Hmmm... well... Lacym3 and I won! Eeeeeeeeeeeeep!**** *sheds a 82% vodka based tear* Massive thanks to anyone who read, voted, or had their minds scarred by our fuckery during the contest - Lacy and I would love to give you all a massive hug with some inappropriate groping as thanks! Come find us on twitter and we'll hook you up lol! ****If you didn't managed to stumble across the contest whilst it was running, all the stories are posted under the username Round_Mound_of_a_Beehound which is on my favourites list on my profile - there's some hilarious stuff in there so go have a sneak and peek! Big love goes to missmaj & addictedtotwilight79 on their category wins too! I've also got a piece entered in the crapfic gawdawful contest that's posted on my profile here - because it was too amusing to pass up and I had a cheeky idea coming out of the cinema after watching New Moan... I've turned into a whore with all this shameless self promotion, I know. But it's in Mike POV and it's shitaliciously hilarious! Don't worry though, it's TLM only for a while now, so I'll be all dark and twisty again soon!*broods in the corner and growls at you demanding you bring me caffeine and booze***

**I'd like to pimp someone else's words too though - Unfathomable Bonds by Zaytyll (bella/japser - great set up & i'm jonesing for the next chapter lady... wink wink) Go have a look and lick the words on the screen, they're tasty, and her story idea is unique and features some hot men from the Volturi****! mmmmm!  
**

**L x  
**

**p.s feel like i'm at the oscars here - gwyneth paltrow**** style (if you haven't seen that shit youtube it... it'll automatically make yourself feel like less of a spaz on a bad day!) - so i'd like to say thanks to all of you for taking the time to read and review. I'm still amazed that people are reading my crazy - but if i can make you laugh in a good way then i'm glad it's bringing you some giggles.**

**Now.  
Enough of the fuckery.  
Let's get on with it!**

* * *

_Where we left off with Bella... _

_I gestured to my arm, stroking the wrist he was going to bite back in the truck. I do understand. I'm just not sure what I want to do yet. I pat him on the leg and walk out through the doors to the veranda outside. The sun is setting again, and the clouds loom tower-like from the mountain tops._

_

* * *

  
_

**BPOV**

I was ready to die, prepared, accepting even.

This... this had fucked with my plans.

I stared at the darkening clouds as they drifted in; stared at the mountains, stared at the wooden railing, tracing the whorls engrained there with my eyes, my pupils circling their pathways with a fanatical fury. I stared at a butterfly traversing the edge of the beam, conquering new land with every step, stared at anything, _anything_ to stop the roaring buzz building from the recesses of my mind. I stared at anything to stop the whispers of possibilities, of failure, of hope, of abandonment, of confusion, of a chance at something _indefinable_.

I should be in goddamn Mexico running up the largest hotel bill known to man, before taking myself out of the game in a method of my choosing. Downing a fuckton of pills had looked good. That shit was cheap down there and I'd saved asshole psychiatrists hospital ID to acquire what I needed.

My choice. My decision. My ending. My way.

It was something I'd been fighting for, control and a choice.

Now I had one.

A new one.

A 'plan B' I hadn't seen coming.

Fuck! I hadn't seen any of this coming. Screw the only bitch that might have.

The familiar anger burned up my spine at the thought of her. I hated this reaction. Hated that I cared enough to feel this rage, this _anger, this burn_ deep inside of me! They weren't worth anything I had left to give. Damn it!

I sucked the heavy air between my teeth, fighting back the rage that threatened to consume me. I couldn't factor _them_ in to this. _They_ weren't a good enough reason. This would be forever. That last mile had just opened up, the end limitless, and firmly out of sight around the bend.

I could have that.  
I could make _that choice_; take the new hand that had been offered to me.

My fingernails dug into the railing, carving out half moon crescents in the soft fibre. Permanent marks now embedded on the surface. Final and everlasting. No take backsies allowed. Extracting them, I turned my back on the majestic scene that was overshadowed by the mountains rising up in my mind, and leaned back against the rail, feeling its edge sharp against the protruding bones of my spine. The contact grounded me as my fingers ran automatically over the scar at my wrist.

I stared down at it, transfixed.

Did I want to add more scars; mental _and_ physical?

Did I want to add them with these people?

There was something here with them, underneath the jokes and the fuckery. It was a sense of belonging I hadn't felt in a long time, something I couldn't label or peg in a box. It was _nice_. They sparked something inside me, smoothed the holes, and soothed the rough harshness that crept around the edges of my thoughts. I could _be_ here. I could be _happy,_ maybe. I'd have a shot. If not, well, I could always run when I wanted. If I did this I'd need help to begin with, I wouldn't want to take a person's life. The thought of playing games and God with strangers was too similar to my own story, too fucking close. I couldn't inflict that on anyone, could never make that choice if there was another way.

Did I trust them enough to help me with that? Could I trust at all?

Jasper. I could trust Jasper. After hearing his story, his struggle, I could trust him with that. His strength was astounding. He was astounding. His quietness, his stillness, was all a front for the man that crawled every inch over burning coals to be standing where he is today. I could admire that, understand that. I could _aspire_ to that.

I wouldn't be giving anything up I hadn't already lost. My family was gone. My dreams and hopes shredded on the floor like discarded tissue paper. Nobody would miss me or cry for me; nobody would make calls to explain my disappearance from the world. I wouldn't be missed. The issues that had plagued me back when I'd begged for this opportunity were irrelevant. Children were out of the question even if I'd wanted them. The cancer treatments and the experimentation by the doctors scrambling for a cure had been so aggressive that children would never be an option. Not that I would have wanted to bring an innocent person into my downward spiral. I could never be that selfish, would never inflict that on someone else.

Not like Renee.

My breath caught in my throat at the thought of her name skating across the surface of my mind. Scenes were recalled with gut punching vividness. The _red_ voraciously bloomed like roses, their thorny stems strangling the air from my lungs. I stumbled forward into a porch swing that loomed out, previously hidden in the shadows of the house.

Tears ran unbidden down my face. I didn't know how there were any left.

I could have saved her. If I had been strong enough, if I had been able. I could have stopped THAT. I could have saved Charlie.

But, I had been weak.

Mortal. Imperfect. Frail.

It was no more ever apparent than here in this moment, as I flailed childlike in the sea of cushions that muffled the shrieks and moans from my throat, as the memories crawled their way out of their hiding places, racing and swirling like dervishes around me, disorienting me with memories that no longer seemed like my own, as they pealed back layer by layer through my life.

Amongst those ashes was a gift. My _father_. He was brushing down my scabbed knees as tears tracked rivers through the dirt encrusted on my face. A tiny bike lay on the ground, wheels spinning at odd angles as I sobbed in frustration at my ineptitude.

"_Bells..." _

_His rough calloused hand diverting and damming the tears. I whimpered and leaned into the warmth. _

"_Don't cry sweetheart."_

_His face was patient. Doting. Calm. Wise with years and life. Strong. _

"_You don't always get it on the first try. Nothing worth doing is easy. You can do this. I know you can." _

_Determination. Strength. Belief. I could do anything. Hell, I would do anything because of him. He taught me everything he knew. Even in the short amount of time we spent together he was imprinted on my heart, in my life, in my every action and inaction._

I didn't know where it came from, this jewel in the mire of filth. I didn't know if it was even real. I didn't _care_. For a few precious seconds, I had _him_ back. He was my _father_ again in that moment, and he was telling me what I needed to hear, what I already knew but rarely really saw, like he always did. He was _my _dad. That's what he did.

The choice was never really a choice. I'd already made it when I decided not to run from here on the first day. I made it time and time again with every step I took with them. With every casual touch and remark. With the ease at which sleep finally came to me here, surrounded by mystical beings that would cause others to run screaming into the night.

The revelation was blinding and startling, and sucked the wind from my sails, as it truly hit me.

I didn't have to die.

I didn't want to die.

I didn't have to be alone.

I wasn't alone.

I wasn't going to die.

I could start again.

I wanted to choose this.

My eyes refocused on the darkness that had settled like a blanket around me. The stars blazed in the sky, burning at me, their brightness untainted by city lights and life, dazing me as my senses rushed back to me. The muggy warm air buzzed with crickets and nature, with life. Even here in the dark I wasn't alone.

Movement stirred in the blackness, startling me.

_Jasper._

My eyes meet his. They pulled me in like beacons lit in the blackest of night, signalling_ I am here, you are not alone_. Their infinite golden depths glittered, even here in the shadows, pulling me from the emotions that threatened to swallow me whole, as I gasped at the air, trying to regain myself, trying to share the words that would bind me to this. Whatever _this_ would be.

"Jasper..."

_Gasp. _

_Breathe Bella._

"...I don't..."

_Gasp. _

_  
You have to get this out._

"...want to..."

_Gasp. _

_  
You have to make the choice._

"...die."

Every word broke ripples across his face like a pebble thrown into a still pond. I'd never seen someone so alive and so still, as each one hit him.

My body sagged at the effort as the last syllables fall from my lips.

I was suddenly surrounded by steel arms instead of slumped in a puddle of exhaustion across the cushions. They wrap around me, holding me together as my body shook and shuddered under the explosive end effects of this moment. I felt nothing but his strength as he drew me into his body, nothing but security as he melded the two of us together in the darkness. Cool hands ran up and down my spine, soothing the wracking shudders as Jasper tucked my head beneath his chin, my lips meeting his cool skin with every heaving breath I took.

I leaned into him, absorbing his strength as my own.

We sat there in the silence, both of us relaxing inch by inch with every breath taken. He would breathe out, and I would breathe back in. My mind was both racing and empty as we held each other together in the dark. I'd never focused on it before, but the heady scent of Jasper, leather and mint, and just _man_, swirled around me, intensifying with his every exhale as it would spill over my hair and down my face.

I couldn't tell you how much time had passed. It felt like a lifetime and a moment all at once, but I found a piece of myself there in the night, and tugged it back into place in the shattered wall of my heart. It grounded me and gave me the strength to pull myself back together. I pulled my head out from beneath his chin and looked up into his face, in awe of the strength that radiated out of him in that moment, at the regal lines of his face as the curls swayed in a light breeze that chased across the veranda.

I could see him on the battlefields in this moment, leading. How could anyone miss this? I would let him lead me.

My lips parted, dry and cracked, but the words were sure and steadier than I believed myself capable of.

"OK, I'm in Jasper"

I think I'd always been in.

* * *

**JPOV**

Thank fuck we were sitting down, because the look in her eyes would have knocked me on my ass and had me bowing down at her feet. My mind spun with a thousand questions, but every single one of them was answered there in her eyes. She was completely sure. Strong and fearless in this moment, even with her tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes. She was beautiful and broken all at once. One hand reached out and gently wiped the remaining moisture from the curtains of lashes that framed her eyes; her face leaned into the coolness of my touch.

I had to ask anyway.

"You're sure?"

I knew the answer. She needed to hear it again out loud.

"Yes."

Her eyes flicked to the ground and then pinned me again.

"I don't want to kill anyone, Jasper. I trust you to help me with that."

I wanted to run from that responsibility, rage at her for trying to burden me with that request, but the belief in me that I saw in her face, deep down inside of her, struck like a lightning bolt through myself. She _trusted _me with that, trusted that I would look after her, in that moment I felt a thousand feet tall. I could do anything with that kind of belief.

I nodded, unable to speak back.

I could feel Peter and Charlotte on the periphery before I heard his whisper of approval. We were all ready.

Bella pulled back the curtain of her hair, revealing the creamy expanse of the left side of her neck. I caught her arm with my hand as she moved to lay it back by her side, and brushed a stray piece of hair back with my other hand, her body limp and secure against my torso.

"Well, I'm not getting any younger here..."

Her joke fell flat, but was full of meaning. I didn't want to waste any more time either. Who knew if she had time to waste?

I raised her arm upwards slowly to my mouth as I leaned down slightly, shifting her in my lap, my eyes locked with hers as my teeth parted over the skin of her wrist. The scar on her other arm clearly visible as her skin tightened as the tendons beneath it stood up in protest, as she gripped the fabric of my shirt in her fingers. Seeing that ugly mark from that bastard triggered something dark inside me, the need to claim her for my own, to mark her.

I struck without hesitation; the muscles in my body sprang like a trap, my mouth tearing into her soft luscious skin as my teeth embedded themselves into their prey, the blood pooled hot, heavy and metallic in my mouth as my throat convulsed in readiness for what it was about to receive.

Her whimper drew me from the haze that had descended on my mind, threatening to break me in two on the rocks.

I'd hurt her.

I hadn't needed to and the selfish need I'd reacted to had caused her pain.

I felt sick with myself. Not enough to stop though. I would fix this.

Tears welled at the edges of her eyes, a single blink would of broken the tension on the liquid there and sent them cascading over her cheeks. But her eyes remained locked on mine, watching, and waiting, her breath shallow pants that roared in the thick air.

I pushed as much venom as possible into the wound I'd inflicted there before carefully withdrawing my teeth; I lowered my jaw slightly to allow my tongue to snake out between my lips, and dragged it across the deep gash. I could feel the jagged edges of the bite; feel every skin cell rasp against the buds of my tongue, as my mouth exploded the cacophony of flavours from her skin. The air shifted with the intimacy of the moment, heady and spellbinding as her body spewed forth clouds of chemicals in response, as she watched my tongue coil back into the recesses of my mouth.

She drew in a heavy laboured breath, as her bottom lip caught between her tongue and her teeth.

She had scarcely blown it back out before I lunged for the throbbing vein calling me in her neck. My teeth latched onto it with pinpoint accuracy, the movement practiced and controlled by a thousand previous deaths all for this moment. The sharpest edges of my teeth pierced and sliced the smallest of necessary holes, opening the lifeblood of her to me in offering, as the glands in my neck pumped with a fevered ferocity, the efficiency and speed of the cut reducing any pain to the bare minimum.

My nose pressed up against the skin of her neck, was flooded with her warmth and scent. I was drowning in her, and I wasn't sure I wanted to be pulled from the water. I could taste her, the tiniest of particles filtering into my system as my tongue held back the high pressure spray that pulsed against it in time with the beat of her heart. Underneath the chemicals and the death was a pureness unlike anything I'd ever tasted. I didn't know if it was the years of abstinence, or if I'd never come across anyone like Bella before, but she was the 100 year old whisky you revered and never opened. I wouldn't be drinking it today either. I breathed deep through my nose, trying to clear the heady effects on my system, recalling her faith in me, and forced the pooled venom into her bloodstream.

The impact was auditory as the two substances fought and battled inside of her; her muscles spasmed as the venom raced through the central nervous system, her body attempting to jerk hard in my vicelike grip in response.

Her eyes were still locked into mine, wide and dark in their intensity and the brown startling against the whites of her eyes, which were tinting pink as the tiny veins popped under the strain of pressure. I could feel her pulse speeding beneath my skin, as her temperature rocketed in response to the mass invasion that was taking place.

There would be only one winner.

It was just a matter of time now.

I shifted her carefully in my arms and retreated back into house towards her bedroom. Peter and Charlotte gently reached out and touched me as I passed, barely aware of the cloud of pride and love, and excitement that threatened to swarm me.

I was only focused on the woman in my arms, watching the battle rage, and the smoke curl in the storm of her eyes.

* * *

**BPOV**

There was pain. I was used to that. I wasn't used to the rush of heat as his tongue had traced over my wrist or the intimacy as he latched onto my neck. It was foreign and crackled electric through the shock that raged through my system, as I felt the venom snake out and spread.

This was it.

I felt nothing but relief.

It was selfish, but I wanted to let go of all the horrific memories that I'd born witness to in my short years. I wanted to put 'old Bella' to rest, and come out the other side, shiny and clean, and unscarred by the fuckery of my life.

My eyes closed shut, almost in witness to the metaphorical chapter I wanted to seal shut and bury.

The last thing I saw was Jasper, before I let myself sink under the crashing waves of black, and I was swallowed whole into the belly of the burning beast.

I only felt relief as my mind folded in upon itself and I continued to sink.

I fell forever.

I didn't want to resurface as myself.

* * *

**JPOV**

I sat on the edge of the bed, my hold on her tiny fingers grounding me, stopping me running from the whimpers and moans that crawled unbidden from her mouth. So quiet in comparison to the changes I'd seen before, but no less brutal. I could remember every moment of mine, could feel the flames licking across my skin as if it were hers. I only had the memories to go on. I still couldn't _feel_ anything from her. I hated it and cherished it all at the same time.

Charlotte came in to change her at one point, with Peter nearly having to physically wrestle me from the room. I stayed just outside the door, pacing, my fingers tracing the lines of the wooden panels as though the millimetres I was gaining in proximity to her by compressing the fibres there would make a difference. I nearly knocked Charlotte down when the door finally opened.

I hadn't moved from Bella's side since.

I sat, and stared, and waited.

Absorbing everything but seeing nothing.

Time was broken by the appearance of one of the others, by a cup of cooling blood placed under my nose.

The sun rose and fell, the shadows looming and shrinking as it blazed a trail across the window.

Still my eyes didn't move.

My mind catalogued all the things I would teach her, her first hunt, control of the instincts that would otherwise rage uncontrollable; the delicacy needed in a simple touch. She would be mine to look after, to guard, to protect. The idea stewed hot and raw inside of me.

Her scent was slowly changing, the smell of flowers weakening. I had to lean in and pull a breath in deep before my mind agreed, because the light sickly flowers were blooming into the heady scent of peaches – the same smell of peaches that clawed memories of my human life from the depths of my mind.

And chocolate.

Bella smelled like fucking peach pie and candy. It brought the first smile to my face since I bit her, allowing me to finally focus and look beyond the skin matted with sweat and hair, at the woman emerging from the pyre on which she burned.

She was without comparison.

Her withered limbs had grown strong from the poisonous venom that chased through her veins, killing and feeding every cell as it flashed and then slow burned beneath her skin. She no longer radiated heat, but a luminosity that would make the sun shy away from the day and fall in love with night. Every harsh edge of bone that had protruded out had softened, smoothed, and lengthened. Her lashes had thickened and swept downwards to rest of pronounced cheekbones that arced strong and graceful, pointing down to cherry red lips that pouted in repose. She was a marble statue reclining for all whose eyes fell upon her to worship. My eyes did. She was mesmerising.

Only the speeding of her fluttering heartbeat broke the calm facade.

It surged.

Beating out a frantic tribal rhythm that had no definable pattern.

Peter and Charlotte crept into the room.

It was time.

A final stutter and whir crashed through the air.

We sat like stone.

Waiting.

Limbs twitched in the folds of the white sheets she lay on, before a deep sigh tumbled from her mouth. Every muscle rolled and roiled in unison as she rolled onto her side and stilled. Face buried in the white cotton.

We waited.

She was still.

A hum of contentment rumbled out from the bed, and then stopped.

She shifted.

Wide eyes framed with a sea of black lashed flicked open and met my own.

I was lost in the red.

* * *

**Ooooooooh! Bella's getting her vamp on! _Giggidty_, _Giggidty_, _Giggidty_! _Al-right!_**

**Love it? Hate it? Want to track me down and kick my ass? Psssh! Bitch please! I'm scrappy, I could take y'all - plus I've NCChris in my corner! She'll cut a ho! lol!  
**

**Seriously though, reviews make my day - even constructive criticism (yes gasp!) - hit me with your thoughts, and your rhythm sticks... HUH!  
**


	18. Chapter 18 Beds and budgies

**AN. This week, I got snow. A lot of snow. I nearly got stuck on a train in a blizzard there was so much fucking snow! It was a veritable winter wonderland of frosty awesomeness in my little section of the UK! And I was happy... and then I woke up this morning and my throat decided it would rebel, a virus set up home there, and I lost the power of speech. Now, everyone else within the confines of the flat found this oooooh sooooo amusing (fuckers), so I had to take to operating on a series of flash cards that read: ****'fuck off', 'bring me water', & 'because you love me', I then had to add a fourth... 'I will kill you' because they took advantage of my inability to politely tell them to STFU. I could have written more, but I find those four work very well - feel free to employ them next time you get ill. They're very effective. I did have a bell initially to make requests too, but I may or may not have abused that, so they hid it. Then I passed out later after a massive giggle/cough fit over some twitter fuckery and then standing up too fast, and I got that bitch back pronto! Mwahaha! Fuckin' A!  
**

**Enough of my *sad panda face* (have you seen a sad panda? fuck! those things are... well... sad looking! They should be given xanax or something, it's just wrong!). Here is chapter 18 - consider it my christmas present to you all. You make gift me with reviews... I like them... plus, it's nearly by birthday *cheeky grin***

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* * *

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_**End of Chapter 17...**_

_Limbs twitched in the folds of the white sheets she lay on, before a deep sigh tumbled from her mouth. Every muscle rolled and roiled in unison as she rolled onto her side and stilled. Face buried in the white cotton._

_We waited._

_She was still._

_A hum of contentment rumbled out from the bed, and then stopped._

_She shifted._

_Wide eyes framed with a sea of black lashes flicked open and met my own._

_I was lost in the red._

* * *

**BPOV**

I dreamed and drifted in the darkness, cocooned in a blanket, protected from the beating drum that whispered on the periphery, tattooing out battle signals to the distant troops. I could feel the rumbles of their cries vibrating at the borders of my defenses, but they couldn't touch me here. I just _was_, floating, being caressed and held in suspension in the black.

Gradually, the darkness faded and the whispers stilled, until there was nothing but a bright red burning behind the lids of my eyes. Sleep no longer held me in its arms.

Shit.

I'd forgotten to close the curtains. _Again_! I hoped like hell I wasn't hung over.

Ugh! I soooo couldn't be assed to move right now. Every muscle was taut and aching, even in my stillness. I could feel the stiffness leaving my limbs, but it felt like it was almost too much to get up and move right now. I cautiously pointed my toes, fraction by fraction, testing the waters. Finding no screaming response, I carefully stretched upwards from there, trying to exorcise the last of the strain from my body. I could feel each joint and muscle pop and roll in a wave like sequence, from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. The tension release along my spine, as each piece jolted out of the stress was _heavenly_. I sighed in contentment, stirring the air around me. The smell of fresh cotton and sunshine filled my system, along with a thousand other scents that danced around me, as my lungs expanded in response to the contraction and expansion of my muscles. I held the air there, tasting the molecules as they bounced like frantic rubber balls over my tongue, and down my throat. They tickled and teased, but I forced down the need to cough, trapping the flavours there, and marvelled at their complexity.

Fuck... what did I take last night? I'm still tripping!?!

The red was distracting.  
Unnerving... and still streaming into my eyes.

It's too fucking early to be awake! Plus, my mouth was dry and raw. I could feel saliva watering from the backs of my cheeks in an attempt to bring relief to the desert that had taken up home there. How lovely.

Damn it! Why hadn't someone come in and closed the curtains!

Ugh!

My body automatically rolled to one side, as I buried my face in the source of the freshness. The red faded from behind my eyes, and the relief moaned up my throat and out of my mouth unbidden.

_Fuuuck_! That's _nice_.

And no urge to vomit... Success!

I revelled in the stillness and contentment of the moment. Maybe I could stay here all day, and nobody would bother me.

That thought made me pause.

Figures danced in the recesses of my mind, shadow puppets, whose outlines were projected in fuzzy relief on the walls there.

Somebody should be waking me up...

I reached for names, faces, something...

But found nothing.

The pause stretched out.

The shadows scrawling across the walls picked up their pace, twirling their arms and dancing to an invisible beat that only they could hear; the steps a mystery to me, and the sounds too faint to discern. I tried to reach out to them, but their pace ramped up again, and raced to dizzy frantic heights, every turn they took dancing them just out of my grasp.

Why the fuck was there _nothing_!?!

My eyes shot open.

The darkness chased back, and a bright white flooded my vision, momentarily blinding me as my pupils contracted to pull in the scene. My eyes catalogued one thousand five hundred and three individual threads per square inch in the fabric that stretched out in front of me. It swept away in miniature mountains; peaks and troughs rising and falling, as they basked in stark relief and dusky shadows. The tiny threads lay smooth and sequenced in a precise pattern, stretching over the surface like corn fields bowing to the invisible hand of the wind. There was one thread right in front of me, though, that skipped a weave, a glaring flaw that stood out and waved its red flag at me. It disjointed the crisscrossed tessellation of cotton rods from the regimented scores that flanked it. I was transfixed. I felt like I was staring at it for hours, analysing the surrounding ranks of threads for further breaks. But it wasn't hours. My mind told me the whole process was taking me zero point three five seven two nine seconds. Now zero point three eight four one seconds. Whispers filtered behind my eyes that _whatever it was, it was still fucking soft, screw the pattern_!

It startled me. My eyes widened to take in more of the scene.

My territory expanded, and I was suddenly blinded by two blazing suns. Their gravity pinned me as I drank them in.

_Oh God!_

So _beautiful_...

Flaming arcs of solar flares and black steel swirled and twined together, sprawling outwards from twin black holes that threatened to pull me in with their infinite depths.

The black holes suddenly flared outwards, expanding, and swallowing parts of the suns. My limbs bunched and tensed, my hands shot out and braced themselves, gripping something that gave like butter under my fingers. I couldn't look away from them, but I could put some distance between us. I would surely get lost in them. They would draw me in and swallow me whole! I released like a bullet from a gun, and with a crack that whipped through the air, I shot backwards from the sea of white in defence.

Suddenly, I was pressed up against something solid. _A wall. 21.3ft wide by 16ft high._ I was balancing on the balls of my feet, the wooden beams flexing slightly underneath the applied pressure._ It would provide an excellent spring point for any rapid movement. You won't need it though._ Arms spread wide and low. _To achieve a more efficient centre of gravity, and defense._ Bees buzzed and howled in an angry swarm somewhere close. I focused for the source with my ears. My eyes remained focused on the celestial anomalies in front of me. A flash sparked behind my eyes. The bees' sting something wicked. I could feel the prickle on the back of my right leg as it was kissed with the ghost of a memory. I wanted to scratch at it, but couldn't move.

A flicker of movement to the right in front of me spiralled my vision outwards again. I had already catalogued the two figures, one male, and one female, both stunning, with golden hair that glowed in the warm sunshine that filtered through the partly shuttered window, had already made a note of the room artfully decorated in shades of white and cream, and the intricacies of the whorls in the mahogany furniture that rose like fingerprints across the surface. My eyes had counted the floor boards and calculated the distance and area between myself and any of three potential exits – two windows leading outside, and a door with an undetermined landscape on the other side. I'd seen and discounted these things already. What I hadn't _noticed,_ was the face attached to the black holes. They had blinded me. My vision spun out in slow motion as I took _him_ in. The cosmic bodies were his eyes, which were surrounded by jungle like curtains of fringed charcoal black lashes. One bat of those and I would be bowled over. The bees were fainter now, further away maybe. My limbs cranked back a notch in their readiness. My eyes continued their crawl. Over the slope of his nose, between his brows, up over the cheekbones that softened downwards to finish in a slightly dimpled chin, and lips that spread rosy, wide and inviting. There was a feint outline above one eye that transfixed me, as glints of light twinkled along the edges. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen before. I wanted to see more...

The three of them hadn't moved. I shifted eight millimetres to right, and then waited.

We were all still.

I shifted a foot further.

_8 feet from the door – your best option.  
16 feet from the first window, the most direct to freedom, but they will reach you first.  
21 feet from the second window – the same principle applies._

I could run, but I was curious now.

_Curiosity killed the cat you know..._ Hush now!

The shift threw the outline into stark relief. No longer flat, the new angle illuminated crags and valleys of shadow, sunken down into the skin that looped in repetition to form a broken circle. It took me half a second to recognise the pattern as the imprints as individual teeth marks. It took only a sixteenth of a second for the bees to appear again, and rage and disgust to crawl out of my pores. I could feel my lips pull back from my teeth and my eyes narrow to dangerous slits.

Someone had hurt this man. This _angel_. Because that's what he was – backlit by bars of light like wings that penetrated through the shutters, swirling with dust like feathers, slicing through the soft curls that crept like hanging vines around his face, framing the perfection of his features.

He took a slow step backwards, dropping his eyes and his face from mine. His features flickered to sadness momentarily, before becoming subservient. Pliant. Submissive. Palms turned out an upwards in deference.

Fuck that!

_This man_ should _never_ look like that!

The thought caused a key to tumble in a lock in my mind, pins spinning and clicking into place, causing a hidden door to fly open, and walls to fall. The contents fell and buried me in place.

A wall of colour and sound roared down upon me all at once. Pictures and movies, smells and feelings, all clawed at me for attention, and my mind fractured and split to accommodate them all. These weren't foreign though, didn't confuse me... I didn't need the flashbacks that came. I remembered _everything_. In vivid Technicolor detail, complete with surround sound, and high definition quality. _Nothing_ was missing. _Nothing..._

How unfucking fair is this! _They'd_ always said the memories faded! That you had to hang on to them! What the fuck?!?

I ran forward and crushed myself to him, burying myself in his chest.

"_Jasper._"

His name whispered and fell from my lips like a talisman against the scenes that flashed like gun powder behind my eyes.

Arms slowly came up and wrapped themselves around me as I broke down in tearless sobs. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was trying to cry – the tears would never come again.

_And there's win number one. No more tears..._

Jaspers hands ran up and down my spine, and gently through the strands of my hair, repeating over and over again, increasing gradually in pressure, until the sobs slowed and stopped. Losing some of those memories had obviously been too much to hope for. God forbid something swing in my god damn favour! I could feel the rage trying to crawl out from under my skin, but Jasper's soothing hands kept it contained. If I could only stay like this in his arms forever, there wouldn't be a problem.

The man had _magic_ hands.

I pulled the air I no longer needed deep and held it there. My face pressed into his shirt.

It was all there, but I found I could think around it. I could section off the terrors that had threatened to bury human Bella.

I wasn't _human Bella_ any more.

I shouldn't have been shocked, but I was. I could now recognise and understand the fascination and detail the fucking sheets had held for me. Easily distracted... I was like a _fucking budgie_ with a _mirror_!

Like right now, I was just fucking bowled over by the taste of Jasper on my tongue from the air I had breathed off his shirt. _Jesus fuck_! If I thought he smelled good before, then I was a freaking idiot! I might never breath again – might keep him trapped inside me here forever! _Get a grip there B._ I was also thinking about how the bees had actually been me, and I have to say, that's one pissy sound. The enhanced vision was also motherfucking AWESOME, and the instant replay that was going on in my mind was topping that trip I'd taken to the IMAX in Los Angeles to watch Blue Planet, and I was just remembering staring at the sheets, and then Jasper... Jasper, who looked like an angel that had fallen from heaven, Jasper, who'd looked so sad at the face I'd pulled whilst transfixed by that bite above his eye...

Oh god! He didn't think I was disgusted with him did he? _Of course he did you idiot, you saw what he was like when he retold his story... what assumptions do you expect him to make._ Preferably none. _He's a man B, it's what they do..._

I leaned back from his arms and looked up at him. His chin tilted downward, his eyes drawing to mine, angling his head slightly to the right... _hiding that bite mark..._

I reached up one hand to trace the outline of the scar I could see above his eye. He tried to pull away, but I pinned him in place with my free hand. _High five for the newborn strength! _Every muscle in his body was screaming within him to pull away, but, as I made contact with his skin and softly outlined it with my fingertip, he stopped resisting and leaned into me.

I almost expected him to be cool still, but he felt warm beneath my touch, the skin there almost human in texture, not the marble-like smoothness of my memories, maybe softly polished sandstone. My other hand released the vicelike hold on his arm, and I used both to gently pull his face down to mine, still having to lean up on the tips of my toes to reach him, and pressed my lips to the jagged edges, before pulling back.

"Nobody is going to hurt you again."

His face relaxed and stretched into the most blinding of smiles. His hands stroked up and down my arms before he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. My whole body would have melted to the ground. My emotions were everywhere, and nowhere, racing and cycling through all the thoughts that were spinning like a top in my mind.

A throat cleared behind me, causing me to whip round in the confines of Jaspers arms. Alert. Ready. _Capable_.

Peter's lips twitched in amusement, and Charlotte scowled up at him, roughly poking him in the side.

"Damn woman! What the fuck?"

She rolled her eyes and huffed at him, muttering under her breath, clearly aware we would all hear.

"Fucking men. No sense of timing! You're lucky you're good in bed Peter. Just sayin'"

She strolled forwards, winking at me, as he pouted behind her.

_I knew we like her._

I had to hold back a giggle, and feeling Jasper shaking slightly behind me wasn't helping matters.

I turned back to Jasper, and was nearly facing him when I was knocked to my knees, drowning in a sea of devastation; my unbeating heart ripped out on the floor and torn into a million pieces.

My fingers etched deep grooves in the wooden floor boards, as I desperately tried to anchor myself against the swirling cyclone of devastation that threatened to sweep me away. Oh god! How would I go on? It felt like the world was ending around me, fireballs reigning down from the sky causing annihilation and death.

_The bed... _

I'd killed the BED!

The bed and sheets lay in tatters. Fragments of wood had exploded outwards from a central point. I scrambled forwards on my hands, grasping at the wooden shards of frame and springs that littered the floor like a bombsite. They melted through my fingers like flour, as the pressure caused them to disintegrate.

That crack was the bed! I'd killed the fucking bed! And the sheets!

Oh _God! _The _humanity! _

I tore my eyes from the scene that threatened to gut me, and I looked over my shoulder.

Peter caught my eye and stepped carefully forward, learning down to my level, and placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I knew you'd break some beds, but not this quickly!"

He collapsed into a fit of laughter.

I cocked back a fist and slammed it into his face.

He shot backwards from the force, the look of surprise on his face comical as the whole scene froze for a second before playing out in slow motion. He landed ass first in a wardrobe that exploded like glass around him.

Jasper and Charlotte burst out laughing at his frozen shocked features, as he sat there, immobile amongst the rubble.

I turned my glare to the two of them, and Jasper quickly stifled his laughter and crossed over slowly to me, as Charlotte darted across the room to Peter, scolding him about knowing better.

I was torn between rage and concern. My face was twitching, unsure which way to go, attempting to split between the two.

"Jasper, why do I feel like I'm PMSing?"

He started to chuckle. It didn't piss me off like Peter's tittering, but if he kept laughing at me I'd make no promises..He held out a hand, which I needlessly took, and rose from the floor before I was even aware I'd made the decision.

The air swirled around me, the sudden updraft bringing the most glorious of smells to my nose.

* * *

**JPOV**

"What smells like Toblerone? And..." _Sniff_ "... pie!"

I grinned down at her. She was still shorter than me by a few inches, but no less deadly as she'd just proven with Peter. Silly fucker. He had as much newborn experience as I did. He knew better than to go taunting her before she'd been fed. Damn if it wasn't the funniest thing I'd seen in years, her getting the drop on him. I'd rarely seen it happen with his freaky instincts for knowing when shit was about to go down.

"You do, Bella."

Her eyes widened even more. They were pretty big before her change, but now those things seemed to have tractor like powers, drawing me into their multifaceted orbs. Red was a colour I'd tried to avoid for so long, but _fuck me_ if they weren't the most beautiful thing my eyes had laid themselves on in a long time.

"No fucking way!" she cried out in astonishment.

She brought her arm up to her face, running her nose along the alabaster skin there, and inhaling deeply, pausing, and then poking her pink little tongue out, and swiped across her wrist, before releasing this guttural sex moan that went straight to my cock.

_Hello!?! Look who's suddenly found his dick! _That's _what that thing is? Who knew!_

I stuffed my hands in my pockets quickly. Not the day to be wearing tight jeans apparently.

"Oh God! Jasper, I taste sooooo fucking good! Try me!"

She thrust her arm in front of my face, and it took all my restraint not to give in to those wide ruby eyes and lick the shit out of her arm like a god damn cat! I cleared my throat and tried to ignore the sniggering coming from the two people behind me. I gently reached out and brought a hand under her chin, tilting her face back to mine.

"Bella."

It took a second for her focus to come back to me. Her eyes darting all over the place before they finally settled on my own.

"You're hungry, you'll settle down when you get something to eat."

She looked longingly at her arm for a moment.

"Guess chocolate is off the menu now..." she muttered sadly.

"Unless you want to be throwing that shit back up. Oh, and it'll probably taste like shit."

She looked fucking heartbroken at that, so I hastily added, "But Emmett swore that Red Wolves tasted like candied apples... I'm sure we can track something down that tastes close."

Sadness briefly flickered over her face, and I nearly kicked myself from bringing him up, before hope glazed over her features, stunning me with the innocence of her upturned face. She was pushing that fat bottom lip out, and I'm pretty sure it was intentional and she knew I wouldn't be able to turn that face down, but I nodded like one of the stupid bobble headed dolls. Behind Bella, Peter made a whipping motion with his hand that Charlotte either missed, or chose to ignore. I narrowed my eyes at him, and he merely winked back. I just rolled my eyes.

Some days I really miss being feared the shit out of.

I turned by focus back to the lady next to me, grasping her hand firmly in my own and tugging her towards the terrace door, obscured by a heavy curtain. I pulled it back, opened the door and motioned for her to step outside.

Thank God for my manners, because there was no way I'd ever be able to hide the lust that burned in my eyes as her ass swung gracefully by me, or my wonder at the rays of light that hit her skin causing her whole being to light up, or the way the light played through the loose waves of her hair.

_Maybe Bella was right, and you are a sensitive little flower..._

I straightened my back and set my shoulders. I had a job to do, and Bella needed something down her throat before she ended up going off on someone again.

I took her hand in mine, and gestured out into the distance with my head, grinning at her.

"Let's go for a run."

Her eyes sparkled in anticipation.

I had so much to teach her.

* * *

**BPOV**

Thank God Jasper grabbed a hold of my hand when I stepped outside, or I'd have run off like a naughty school child. I was dazed by the new world that my eyes had been opened to. Sure, I had all these memories all rattling around inside my new tricked out mind, but it was like seeing everything for the first time all over again. If the room inside and the sheets had blown my mind, the outside world was like a nuclear bomb, levelling all reason, as it bombarded me in waves off energy and light, squashing all reason and logic.

We were running before I was even aware of it. Apparently, the new upgrades came with top of the line autopilot, because I was eye-balling shit the out of fucking everything as we darted through brush and over the rocky landscape. Only the gentle pressure of Jasper's hand in mine kept me from stopping and ogling the most innocuous shit, like a rock, then a leaf, or this odd smell that wafted from behind a tree stump as we shot past. The list was endless, and I wanted to look at it all.

For someone who suffered balance issues for a good 70% of their life, running was quickly shooting up the top of my list of favourite things to do. It was almost spiritual. The whispers of wind on my skin and the rhythmic tapping of our feet as we flew over the ground was trance inducing. My mind was lulled into an almost relaxed state, and then, the thousands of things screaming for attention inside my head, faded to the background, becoming a mere rumble of thunder on the distant horizon.

The wind shifted, blowing a hot and heady scent right in my face.

I froze, skidding to a halt, and almost pulling Jasper's arm off.

He whirled around to face me. I'd stopped breathing. I could feel my eyes were wild in my face, darting everywhere, trying to find the source of the smell.

"Bella."

Jasper was right in my face. His eyes were demanding my attention.

"It's ok. It's the herd of deer we'll be hunting."

_That_ was deer?!? Jeeze! _What the fuck_ did I smell like to him before?!? How the fuck am I not dead already? I'd have taken a chunk out of my ass had I smelled like that and that was only deer!

I released the unneeded breath. My lungs instinctually drew another in. The smell flooded my lungs, triggering animalistic reactions I didn't know I had. I shifted to the balls of my feet, my ears listening for the sounds that would trigger me, my mouth dropping open slightly to taste the air, and my mind taking note of the wind direction and speed. To be honest, it freaked me the fuck out a little, but Jasper was still there, in front of me, monitoring my reactions, watching.

I trusted him with this. He moved slowly behind me, placing his hands on the tops of my shoulders, and leaned in close to whisper in my ear, his breath teasing strands of my hair against my skin. I'd be shivering if I still felt the cold.

"You can smell them?"

I nodded. Not quite trusting myself to speak and not drool, what must be venom, out of my mouth like an idiot. His hands moved slowly down the sides of my arms, and I had to suppress the urge to shudder.

"Can you _feel_ the vibrations under your feet?"

My mind was telling me yes. I could feel the tiny earthquakes tremble up my calves, causing the muscles there to twitch and shake.

"You can see them. But where are they?"

All of my senses were working overtime as the scent and sound, the _feel,_ of the animals was clouding everything. I was completely taken over by, directed and focused by, his questions. My eyes darted to the east, and my body leaned that way under the strain of his hands pinning me in place. I could feel an embarrassing whine building up inside of me.

I could smell them. I could hear them. I wanted them. He better get the fuck out of the way.

He must have sensed that, because suddenly his hands were gone, and so was I. His whispered "Go get 'em" floating in my wake.

One moment I was next to Jasper, and the next I was a tumbling mass of limbs, brown and white fur, and dirt, tumbling and sliding across the ground, as my teeth sunk into steaming hotness that erupted into my mouth. I greedily sucked at the elixir that arched and sprayed like a hose, trying to cover it with my mouth as the jets decreased in height.

It was gone before I'd realised it had started. Disgruntled, I threw the ball of fuzz to the ground and shot off in search of more. I could feel another predator circling, but it stayed far enough out of my radius for me to deal with it.

I quickly caught another creature. Slightly less crazed, I somehow managed to sink my hand straight into its back haunches as I reached to catch it. The grip allowed me to get a better angle on its neck, however, and my teeth slid hungrily over the vein pulsating like thunder in its throat. I got more that time.

It took another four goes before I was finally getting the hang of it and felt somewhat satiated and a lot more stable from the sloshing mass moving in my stomach. I was able to focus on the final hunt, able to latch onto that main artery that flashed like a beacon. Only a small amount of spray spilled from my mouth, as the deer thrashed and bucked in the cage of my arms. This was a definite improvement, even though the jeans and cotton shirt I'd been changed into were now beyond help.

I finally looked up. My eyes scanned the area for Jasper as I held the lifeless form of the deer in my arms.

He was striding gracefully through the brush towards me, his movement controlled and animalistic, even in his calm state. He glittered and shone in the sunlight and I wondered how I had ever considered anyone beautiful before him.

I averted my eyes to the carcass in my arms.

* * *

**JPOV**

She was a crimson goddess, decked out in the colours of war. There was blood smeared across her cheeks, dirt and grass matted into her hair. Fuck if she wasn't just a vision. The sunlight refracted a rainbow of red on the scrub around her, making her look like something otherworldly and ethereal. She'd been all kinds of focused on my approach after she'd stopped long enough for me to recognise she was finished and a lot more _compus mentus_, and then had looked a little embarrassed. What I wouldn't give to feel the emotions radiating out of her right now. I only had her body language to go on right now, and that was giving me fuck all. I was over-reliant on my extra sense, and shit out of practice at reading people like a normal person.

Her face screwed up as she eyed the deer in her arms, hand absentmindedly running through its fur.

"I feel like I should feel bad, but I haven't eaten anyone, and the fucker tried to bite me! Who knew deer were fucking biters!?! Little shit!"

Her eyes were comically wide as she gestured and waved at the tears and rips in her shirt. I swallowed audibly. Slivers of pearly white skin glittered through the holes. I had to chuckle to cover the keening moan that threatened to ooze out of my mouth, and it came out lower and huskier than normal. Her eyes tracked the bobbing of my adam's apple as the rumble of laughter echoed up out of my chest, up my neck, finally fixing on my face. It took everything I had not to buckle under the power of her eyes.

They flickered back down again. She shifted awkwardly in place with the beast in her arms.

"What do we do with Bambi here?"

In her earlier frenzy, she'd dropped the bodies where they lay, and I'd picked up and buried each of them after she'd moved on, keeping a track of her progress at all times. We were isolated out here, but with her luck, she'd run across a party of boy scouts or some shit, and that would be the end of them. She'd gain a few wilderness survival badges though.

"Now we take out the trash."

I picked 'Bambi' out her arms and gestured her to follow me. There was a crevasse in one of the massive monoliths jutting out of the land around us that would do just nicely. I pushed the body in and made a show of dusting my hands down.

"Job done."

I gave her a cheeky wink, and she giggled the most delicious cacophony of notes, before looking horrified at her reaction. It made me smile wider, and she just rolled her eyes at me.

I grabbed a hold of her hand, and walked us to the edge of the plateau we'd found ourselves on. The land fell away below, and stretched out in a multitude of reds, sands, and browns, interspersed with the occasional ancient tree that stood proud and solitary from the ground. I lay back on the rock, basking in the sun.

Bella lay down next to me and mirrored my position, looking curious.

"What are we doing?"

Her voice chimed, low and sultry. She looked all sleepy and full, her hair splayed out in a halo around her.

"Just taking a moment. Peter and I like to do this after a hunt. You can almost feel warm again."

I grasped her hand in mine to settle her, and held it there.

Her fingers squeezed back, gently, trying to control the pressure she was exerting. The focus was making her face screw up in the cutest of ways. She looked pleased with herself, and settled back, the picture of relaxed. I rolled slightly to face her, taking in her form in repose. I'd had three days, and it somehow wasn't enough.

"You did good, Bella."

I watched her try fight her mouth from inching out into a grin. She should be proud though, even admitting that the first two deer were a fucking disaster, she still got it quicker that most, and all off her own instincts. I smiled freely for her, safe in the awareness that she couldn't see. It wouldn't be easy and she'd be tested by her own self control, but she could do this, and I'd help her. I rolled onto my back again, still aware of her in my peripheral vision.

"This is nice," she muttered.

I had to agree. A warmth that had nothing to do with the sun spread through me, emanating from our joined hands.

_Yeah. A man could get used to this._

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**AN 2.0 – Yeah. Harmless fluff. I gave it to you at the end there – consider not leaving you with an uber cliffy my Christmas gift to you (I was soooo tempted, but lucky for you the snow has made me all pleasant and frisky!). Nearly had you at the beginning thinking she'd lost it all though... admit it, you were getting a wee bit cheezd off thurrr... bwahahaha! Anyways. As I told all of those that left me a cheeky review for chap 17, I'm heading off on holiday to the US-of-Aiiii and won't be back until 14th January. Legit reason sheeples - It's my birthday (31st December) WOOOOO! and baby sis is turning 21 on the 3rd Jan, so we're hitting Vegas and going skiing avec la familia! I'm going to be uber poor in the 2010, but it's going to be soooo worth it! The new notebook will be coming with me, and I have a fuckton of plane bound hours, so you'll have an update when I get back and can type it all up for some beta dry humping .:*kisses chris – mwah*:.**

**So I'll see you all in the New Year – I'll be the slightly older, slightly less wiser fool with the red hair and the crazy eyes frequently seen cackling like a crazy person on the 10.23 to London. Happy 'whatever you celebrate in December' and National 'Lucy Day of Greatness' – parties are being held worldwide under the code name 'New Years Eve' - just drop my name at the door *wink, wink***

**Viva Las Vegas bitches! Arrrrriba!**


	19. Chapter 19 Belsper Telenovella

**AN. Ummmm... hello? *waves timidly* Yeah, that updating plan I had? MAJOR fail! 2010 has been a bitch, and things got hectic! To summarise, it went a little something like this – feel free to skip my little pity session here: flu / Christmas / more flu / most of Vegas in bed with aforementioned flu / skiing (yippee ki yay) / sitting in the airport waiting for my flight to be called... Haiti earthquake alert on my phone – Me... 'oh. fuck.' Barman... 'more ice?' / glue the phone to my ear & one hand to the mouse for the next month (for anyone that didn't catch my profile page updates, I work with natural hazards, & did a lot of work on that) / cold / science book segment submission / more Haiti work / cold / consultancy project / still have the cold – why, oh why, oh why, immune system?!? / journal paper submission / massive consultancy project of win and awesomeness / and then... Thursday-today when I said I was updating: concussion from some drunk twat falling and head butting me on the train home / ANOTHER cold / beta had asthma attack and then Muse tickets. *takes a breath & catapults whiney alter ego out the window* But here we are... finally! And I have to give a MASSSSSSSSIVE shout out to JaspersDestiny (Tina), for stepping in a whipping out her Mr Clean to beta the ass out of this so I could post it! I love her, like a box of chocolates. Yes Tina, I forest gumped you – that's how much I Love you! Kisses, hugs, and pretzels, biatch! And to all of my Lambs, who I've got nothing but hearts, fuckery, porn, and lolcats for – if you haven't visited alsltwilight(dot)blogspot(dot)com go check it out!**

**I have lots of 20 written already, which is magnificent because unless you've been under a rock today, you'll have heard about an earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Chile that has the potential to suck me under work wise. But it's pretty much there, and I've been doing major scheduling rearranging over the last few weeks to make sure TLM happens (because it's my love, and I'm not abandoning it EVER – just to make that clear), so we're now back on regular every other week updating – which I'm fucking joyous about, because I've missed TLM so so so much! Picture and text teasers, along with mini treats are going up on my blog catonspeedland(dot)blogspot(dot)com & you're more than welcome to harass my ass on twitter.**

**Thanks to anyone who chased and poked me, and to anyone who is still reading this despite my rubbishness. You make my day.**

**Let's get on with show shall we, because it's been too long already! Here's JPOV, BPOV, and a lot of fucking words.**

**L x**

**####UPDATE#### because you guys are fucking awesome, and I hit the 1,000 club (which shocked the ever loving shit out of me), I've released the picture teaser for the next chap waaaaaaaay early - you'll see why when you get to the end ;)  
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**JPOV**

There are very few facts in life that are indisputable, but over the past three months, I have come to discover that there are three things I can add to the list of 'things I have never been more certain of'.

One: Babysitting sucks ass. It sucked ass in Mexico, and it still sucks ass now. I'm good at it, but no matter how patient I tell myself to be, I am - at times - an impatient motherfucker.

Two: Getting frustrated, and announcing this fact, is a bad fucking idea.

Three: One Miss Isabella Swan, formerly of Forks by way of Phoenix, and every which way in between, has one hell of a right hook. Oh, and it's best to not piss the lady off. Ever. I just want to show her stuff - show her that not everyone out there is a complete shit - but I can't do that if she's going to go postal when out amongst the humans. We're getting there, but it's just taking time... which brings me back to fact number one, and there starts the vicious circle again. I push, she pushes, I push her some more, and she eventually snaps and tries to take a bite. It's instinctual. And whilst I don't blame her, I won't hesitate to put the smack down on her until she calms the fuck down. I need the time, too, as every step we take puts me back in Mexico, where the sounds, smells, and _feelings_ wriggle and writhe inside of me, making my limbs and fingers twitch with violent anticipation. But this is different in so many ways, and I _choose_ to make it different. When Bella thrashes beneath me on the ground, I stroke her hair, whisper in her ear, and soothe her. When she reaches her breaking point, I hold her. I don't put the fear of God, or me, into her. But when she needs a push, I'm there, feet planted, using the laws of physics to gain extra leverage because that lady is as stubborn as an ass. I watch, I listen, and I stay close. The millimetres we gain are milestones. Every day we start again, and the process continues. We push forward together.

Fuck. I need to add a fourth fact... If it can go wrong, it will go wrong. My errant thought back on her first hunt about Boy Scouts was apparently not too far off the fucking mark. Although she didn't stalk them, the little fuckers practically gift-wrapped and delivered themselves to her door. We live at the end of an eight mile long dirt track in the middle of Buttfuck, Texas, and they send the kiddies out to door-to-door thin mints around here? Jesus-_fucking_-Christ, are they hoping the little shits aren't going to come back alive?! This brings me back to fact number three, as the local scout troupe nearly lost a few members that day.

We'd been working on her sensory overload because whilst spacing out like a loon gives Bella this cute little dazed look, she needs to learn to get that shit on lock. Whilst we're not in the depths of battle - and she's damn sure not getting near any - being surprised by shit is not good, and she needs to learn how to look after herself, especially with Peter here. That fucker needs to be treated like a grenade. So there we were, pumping MTV Dance through the 60" HD LCD TV, and the surround sound system we have hooked up in the sitting room at warp 10 - because _nothing_ will quite transfix you like bedazzled, neon, latex-clad monkeys playing with a techno synthesizer. You just _can't_ look away, and your ears get trapped in the baseline.

Three hours in, and we were all so hooked in that when the doorbell rang and Bella got up to answer it on autopilot, none of us noticed the tiny beating hearts over the sound of The Chemical Brothers - at least not until she'd gotten that front door halfway open, that is. She'd been alright until the scent wave of hot, sweaty, little morsels broke across the threshold, at which point her mind flipped the _Kill Switch_, and the three of us were scrambling across the hallway to tackle her to the floor - which is where she got the swing in. It's been a long time since someone landed one on me.

Her face was ethereal in its animalistic fury – she was gone, and there was nothing left of that beautiful, sarcastic woman who'd bitched me out on her death bed all those weeks ago when she'd dropped out of nowhere and into our lives. Her eyes were narrowed slits, bubbling with an intensity that itched and crawled at something deep inside of me. Her body rolled and flowed in position, angling for the perfect striking position. She was the hunt embodied, and for a moment I wanted to give myself over to the creature who whispered from the darkness to me to join her. I couldn't, though. I'd promised her that I would save her from herself when she couldn't. I'd promised myself that I'd be the man who was worthy of the kind of trust she'd placed in me. It still felt wrong to bring down something so beautiful, but that wasn't going to deter me. She was so focused on the scene before her that I was able to clear her legs from beneath her, quickly pinning her face down on the floor, arms behind her back, as Charlotte sat on her legs. You could hear the echoes of the floor tiles giving way in tiny snaps, crackles, and pops down the alcoved passageway as she growled, thrashing like hell to get to the little lunchables, venom just pouring from her mouth like a river and pooling across the floor.

The children were framed in the open doorway - mouths gaping open, eyes starry-wide, hearts whirring like high speed tops, and the smell of fear and urine - and the darkening of tiny pairs of shorts - floating in the air. The sun was over the other side of the house, so we weren't giving them a light show - but, shit, this could go bad fast. Luckily, this was one of the few times when Peter's special brand of fucked up comes in handy because he just rolled his eyes at them, leaned in, beckoning them close, and whispered, _"She used to be like...reaaaaaally fat, kiddies."_ He gestured widely with his arms, whilst puffing out his cheeks and giggling like a mad man at them, _"It's dangerous to have chocolate near her."_ A few cheeky winks, some fat jokes, twenty cases of the foul-smelling chocolate they were toting lighter, and $2,000 in their collective pockets later, and the boys were skipping up the drive, giggling and laughing, never knowing how close they'd come to death. I pray for the parents of those children, though, because those little fuckers have their bartering skills down - we're talking future stockbrokers of America here. I'm almost tempted to get their names so they can manage some of my money in a couple of years' time.

As the sounds and scents of pumping blood dissipated with their departure, we were left with the aftermath - a split between tearless sobs and the desire to track their trailing paths out into the desert. I'd seen it and felt it a thousand times before, but it's still heart wrenching to witness. Whilst her emotions were still blocked off to me, I could literally feel the fight seep out of her from beneath me, submitting to the force of my body on hers, as she slowly regained her senses. The first time is always the hardest, and whilst it never gets easier, you learn to manage the impact - not that I fared much better, even now. Even though they'd been children, the desire had still been there, and if they'd seen just a little bit more... well... I'd like to think it wouldn't have gone another way, but who can really say for sure? Sadly, it wouldn't be the first time for me, but I prayed every day that it would never happen again - that I would never stoop to that. The only thing I could do was draw her shuddering figure tightly into my arms as she begged and wailed for me to not let her go after them, hoping that I could offer something to her, even if it was just the force to restrain her while she broke down for the both of us.

That had been a quiet night for us all.

None of the camaraderie or games we'd enjoyed in the prior weeks. Just contemplation.

Peter and Charlotte had snuck out at some point - I don't know when. I was just focused on the figure still clinging to me like a life raft in the hallway. We didn't move for hours. I just held her whilst her mind wandered. I don't know if it helped, but I like to think it did. I wish someone had been there for me when I'd been like this, but our experiences were so different. I was never denied anything in those first few years - even then Maria had seen something in me, and I was never hungry, and never without _compa__ny_. I was determined that Bella would experience everything I wish I had had the chance to, and my promise to her was solidified even more in those hours of silence. I wouldn't fail her. She shed the emotions I wish I could have let go of back then. It was oddly cathartic for me, as though she was bearing it enough for the both of us, allowing me to stay strong for her. The memory of her broken figure there on the ground was all the motivation I needed.

Of course, the quiet couldn't last. Peter _had_ to make their reappearance known, as if the strong smell of sex that wafted in with them wasn't enough.

"_Oooooh! I feel all exposed and vulnerable and in need of a hug from a basket of kittens! Char, can we get kittens? I promise I won't let Jasper eat the__ pussies! We'll get ones that smell really bad."_

It's a good thing Charlotte is always ready with that backhand of hers because I was arms full of Bella, and I didn't intend on letting go until she was ready. The crack of rock on rock was enough to snap Bella out of her funk, though, and her scramble off the floor was so fast - even for a vampire - that it was almost comical. If she could still blush, we'd have felt the effects of her rosy glow right then. I just stared that fucker down - I would never feel bad about holding her.

That was the point when things got serious for me, and my mind kicked into gear to devise a way to train her to deal with the lure of humanity. Systematic desensitization was the plan. It was something Carlisle had always wanted to try with me, but I didn't fancy being treated like another one of his little experiments at the time. That man wasn't happy unless he was poking or prodding some shit, and it damn well wasn't going to be me. Fucking _Alice_ never pushed for it either, but then again, God forbid I get any control and be let off the short leash that cunt me on. _Bitch_. The plan was to gradually expose Bella to small samples of blood, and work our way up from there.

It did not start fucking well.

Peter and Charlotte managed to secure the samples. I don't know where they came from, and frankly, as long as the person fit their criteria and wasn't going to be breathing much longer, or if they swiped it from a blood bank, I didn't really give a damn. The fresher, the better. I couldn't do it, and my trust in them was absolute.

We all talked through the whole process. But still, it was only an idea - I just hoped it wasn't a fucking stupid one, and that it didn't cause the pair of us to get sucked under. Amazon did a lot of fucking business that week, and we now stocked more books and journal papers on addiction and rehab than a Betty Ford clinic.

The first time they uncovered that tiny sample, _I_ wanted to lick the shit out of that petri dish. It was just fucking _there_, and I didn't have to kill anyone to get to it. It wouldn't harm anyone... But I didn't. Too much of my focus was on the trembling figure next to me. I'd gained a little bit more control since 'The Birthday Party Heard Around the World', getting to the point where I could sit along the perimeter of the local bars, dissuading anyone from getting too close with a nice healthy dose of fear. It was nice to indulge in some blissed-out, intoxicated vibes from time-to-time, and I could quickly shut down any stirrings of violence before they sucked me in and under. Now, I thought Bella was doing really fucking well, and I congratulated myself on a job well-done the first few times we repeated the desensitization process, feeling all smug and cocky as shit, until I realised she was completely shutting down - refusing to breathe, that is. Now, getting a vampire who doesn't want to breathe, to breathe, is normally not an easy feat, but Bella was still new to this rodeo, and she instinctively reacted to me pinching her nose by opening her mouth wide to gasp for the air she didn't need.

Her face, when I grabbed her nose, would have been hilarious if shit hadn't gotten serious quick.

Fortunately, Peter, Charlotte, and I have more experience than anyone should ever need in dealing with the beast that is the instinctual newborn. I'd like to say we were gentle. In an ideal world, we'd sit around a campfire and discuss the moral and ethical counterpoints of letting her have the blood versus resisting it, and sing Kum-Bay-Fucking-Yah. But in the real world, we'd all of us be underground by this point. So, face-planting Bella into and through the end wall, and locking her in a choke-hold to stop her snapping teeth from adding to my little collection was fucking necessary. I was angrier with myself that I hadn't realised what she'd been doing, and I may have taken some of my rage out on her by shouting at her...

"_What the fuck did you think you were doing? What! Were you just plannin' on holding your breath forever?__ Huh? Not leavin' this place? I thought we were going to trust each other on this! I can't help you if you're going to lie from the start!"_

My mind had been frantic. What if this didn't work? What if she wanted to leave? Fuck. What would I do if she left? Shit. I'd probably just follow her anyway. I couldn't bring her into this world and just leave her, even if she wanted to track down and annihilate troupes of scouts.

"_I just didn't want to let you down!" she'd wailed, cowering under my looming figure. I had__n't realised how much I'd scared her, how I must have looked in my rage, dealing heavy words at her, and advancing with every syllable. "I was,"_ _sob, "scared," sob, "it's all so confusing still."_

I'd realised my arrogance in the whole matter then. She was still trying to process everything that had happened, and she'd done so well up until then. So, I was sure my plan would be simple, forgetting the reassurance she'd need, forgetting how I'd promised myself I would make this as easy on her as possible.

I just wanted so much for her.

I wanted everything for her - everything she wanted, and everything she didn't know she wanted yet.

Buried in my arms, we'd agreed then that perfection was unrealistic, and we'd both just try. That idealistic goal of never slipping had placed too much burden on us both.

Shit happens. She knew that better than most, and I knew that more than others.

We'd just try.

Progress was slow – I'd still get pissed off from time-to-time, and she'd throw a temperamental bitch fit; I'd curse the volatility of newborns, and we'd lose a few more trees and the wildlife would get a scare. But we kept working - kept pushing forward - in spite of the steps backward. Bella was a natural at some things, but not at others – for some damn reason she couldn't keep her shoes on. I think it was the speed – the look of exhilaration on her face as she dashed across the Texas plains at night was breathtaking. I had to keep close and stare at her because I still couldn't feel shit. Peter was convinced she was some kind of shield... Well, no shit, fucker! It didn't take an idiot to work that one out. But even he couldn't say for sure - whatever she was, was fucking with him, too, because he didn't always get feelings involving her anymore.

We'd just have to wait and see what happened.

Which is what we were doing now.

Out hunting.

While Bella was back at the ranch alone.

Peter and Charlotte had practically had to tie me down and drag me out of there. I knew we needed to start giving her some more length on the rope if she was ever going to trust herself and keep moving forward, but it was screaming against everything in me to leave her there. Hell, she was scared, too, and that was the only thing that had made me keep it together – she wouldn't be okay if she could read the fear in my eyes.

So here we were, running away from the tug that was anchored deep inside my chest. If I didn't know my heart couldn't produce them, I'd swear I was having palpitations. Every time I'd rub at it, Peter would chuckle.

Must not hit him, must not hit him, must not hit him...

_Fuck it._

I dead armed him and ran like a bitch, leaving him cackling behind me as Charlotte sighed and pounced on him.

I didn't need to hear that shit go down, so I nearly cried with joy at the scent of a civet cat winding through the undergrowth. They weren't big, but at least they were carnivores, so it didn't taste quite so much like dirt or bland nothingness. He went quickly, as did his mate who I found with him. I took her, too. I couldn't leave one without the other.

My feet were itching to take me back to the ranch, but I ploughed onwards, giving myself over to the animal that was barely caged beneath the surface. At least by losing myself in him, I could lessen the feeling that was gnawing at my insides.

I'd gotten better at controlling myself alongside Bella through her desensitization training – it was for the both of us, really, and I only wished I'd taken Carlisle up on it sooner - buried my pride and just done it. Maybe I would have been in better control that night, I would have seen earlier what was all too apparent now, and I could have saved Bella the pain those assholes had caused. But then, she wouldn't be here, and I was selfish enough for that to settle the matter for me. I don't think I could be without her now, hissy fits and all. She was growing up fast. In vampire terms, she was just a baby, but she had the potential to be magnificent when she got a handle on herself and mastered her control. I saw glimpses of it every day, especially during the fighting lessons we'd been working on. Shit, those were a lot of fun... for me. She got pissed off a lot. Okay, so I enjoyed pissing her off from time-to-time, but she needed it to blow off some steam. And the fact that she looked magnificent when she was enraged was not a hardship. Other things were hard...

_Tell me about it... I'm surprised our dick hasn't revolted and run for freedom yet... Use it or lose it, chump!_

I was subconsciously steering myself back towards the ranch, leading myself back. I liked being close to her. We talked, we argued, we did stupid shit and serious things. I didn't like being far away from her.

_So go back home..._

I shook my head to clear it, and I lost myself again in the sounds and scents of a group of pronghorn antelope a mile west from me. The pulsing sounds and metallic flavour, intensified by the midday sun, were enough to rattle the bars inside. _I_ decided when _he_ came out now, though.

As I slinked closer, moving like air over the ridge on the other side of which they roamed, the antelope started at the sound of the dry brush crackling under my sprinting feet, bolting at the roar of thunder that rolled out of my gaping jaw. I didn't chase after them, though, because I was already running in the other direction, toward a pull...a feeling...that was making my skin crawl, my whole body straining forward as everything blurred around me. Everything disappears but that feeling. And unless those antelope are running a suicide mission, there are echoing footsteps in my wake, and Peter and Charlotte are sprinting with me.

Because something is fucking wrong. And it's scaring the shit out of me.

* * *

**BPOV**

Jasper.

Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper...

That motherfucker was _everywhere_.

Behind a tree... Jasper.

Sitting atop a rock... Jasper.

Looking over my shoulder... Jasper.

Creeping outside the shower... Mother. Fucking. _Jasper_.

Oh. My. God.

Now that last one really fucked me right off. How was I supposed to get intimately acquainted with those fuckawesome jets if he's standing outside like a creeper?!?! I am not putting on a goddamn show for him! He can run to fucking Vegas if he wants that shit. I'm sure they've got something to cater to his _needs_ there. Anything goes in Vegas. _I_ should know, I hit that place up twice on my travels. I'm not allowed back in Pure, although I'd love to see the bouncers refuse this face now. I'd give Cindy Crawford a run for her money, and I didn't have that freaky-ass mole either! I don't give a shit _if_ it's her _signature feature,_ I can never just stop staring at it. It's just... like right fucking _there_! Shit, I'd give Rosabitch a run for the gold medal, too. And I wasn't blowing smoke up my own ass - I was one sexy-looking bitch. Go, Team Sparklepires! Screw Extreme Makeover, this was the shit! And I couldn't do that anymore, which was oddly a relief... you don't know how demeaning it had been on bad days to have someone take me to the toilet in the hospital – having someone bend you over, or give you the reach-around, and wipe your ass. Do you smile? Make eye contact? Thank them? It gives me shudders just thinking about it. Or worse still, have a house full of vampires listening in while you're trying to cop a squat. Stage fright. That's what it did to me back in Forks. I swear, back then, I was either going to die from spontaneous combustion from Fuckward refusing to touch me, or from blocked bowels from... well, quite literally holding shit in.

I'll tell you what I do miss, though.

Shoes.

I miss my fucking shoes! The whole pressure exertion thing was getting better, but I'd ruined countless pairs already by running too hard, pushing too much... And fuck, if I was going to push for that timeshare with Char's 'boots of wonder', I'd have to get a grip on that soon, or I was going to ruin those babies. If that happened, I'd have to start a fire and throw _myself_ in. You do not damage Louboutins and live. Or unlive... Same fucking thing. It's really, _really_, _**really**_ bad, times infinity to the max.

Huh! I can count to infinity...

Oh, shit!

No! No! No!

Ummm... _kittens, rainbows, the smell of bobcats, the sound of birds' wings flapping, Cha__r's shoe collection, the colour of sunrise yesterday for those three seconds when that shade of purple appeared, raindrops falling, Jasper's ass in those vintage Levi's..._

Oh, yeah...

That last one... that last one did the trick.

I have to be careful where I let the new mind wander – just because I can do something, it doesn't mean I should. Shit, I get trapped so easily by random tangents that float through my head.

Focus.

Ugh!

I had rallied and raged against Jasper for this little piece of alone time. I put the old big brown - I mean, _orange_ - eyes on Peter and Charlotte, who I'm pretty sure sided with me just to get me to stop staring at them. The transition stage from _red, red, red_, to that butterscotch amber I was aiming for was in an odd fucking stage right now. Orange. Like fucking Garfield's fur, as Peter's teasing ass kept pointing out. Or pumpkins, traffic cones, high viz jackets, jail house onesies... the list was endless. He did not like me being able to catch him unawares, and he took great pleasure in taunting me over silly shit. Prick. I mean, he's grown on me like... well... cancer. He's just wormed his way in under my skin and into my heart, and he won't leave. Char, on the other hand... I swear we're cut from the same piece of fucked up cloth. She just _gets_ me, and it's the same with her. She knows when I need some encouragement, a gentle push, or a verbal bitch slap, and she is my greatest defender from _Master Jasper_.

Yeah. Master. Fucking. Jasper.

I know he's not from that time period, but I was goddamn pissed off at him and it just came out, but it described the rules with which he was governing me. By God, it was funny watching him stammer through that one. Peter found great pleasure in my ability to shock the ever-loving shit out of Jasper. I swear he just waits around all day, watching and waiting to see what will happen next in the _Belsper_ _Telenovella_. His words, not mine. I had to sit through four days of debating over whether it would be Jasperella, Emorella, Belemo, Swanlock. The combinations got more and more ridiculous, and only stopped when Jasper finally cracked and pinned Peter to the floor in some matrix-worthy move.

That shit was cool! I wanted in on _THAT_!

I was transfixed. He'd been so still. I could see him seething, slowly boiling, but the transition was so rapid, so smooth, so graceful, and yet powerful - unlike anything I'd ever seen before. It was beautiful and just so raw. Watching him stare down Peter with eyes of liquid fire, I got another glimpse of that man I'd seen flashes off. The Leader. The Capable Man. Because in that moment, there was no doubt of _that_. All. Fucking. Man. Fucking Peter had caught the look in my eyes as they crawled all over Jasper, calculating, thinking... That just wouldn't do. Praise Jebus there's always a portion of my mind ready with the wit.

"_Do you boys need some time alone for your sausage fest? Char, did you know about this? You told me you guys didn't do the big love, you lying wench! Or do they lea__ve you out? 'Cause that's just gentlemanly of them."_

Suitably emasculating, with a touch of bitch. _Perfect._

Jasper scrambled up off the floor, whilst Peter just gave me his shit-eating look.

I hate that look.

It's only been 98 days, and I _k__now_ that look means all kinds of fuckery. So, when Peter sidled up to Jasper and walked around him, looking him up and down, and looked me straight in the eye, declaring, "Oh, but sugar... who could resist _this_?" whilst gesturing to Jasper like a game show prize, I had another reason to want to deck that conniving motherfucker. Jasper merely rolled his eyes and told Peter that he wasn't his type, which caused Char to chuckle in the corner and me to smile fondly internally at a similar memory. Peter's eyes didn't leave mine, and I kept the blank face on. My fingers were twitching to rip him a new one, but I was determined not to give him the reaction he was looking for. Yeah, Jasper's hot. End of. He's hot, I'm hot, Peter's hot, and Char's a fucking babe. But I have enough trouble trying to exert the right kind of pressure to pull my jeans on and off without adding men into the mix. I'm running on a limited wardrobe of simple clothes right now – there is no way I'm risking my shit until I know I'm not going to shred it like an angry kitten.

Although, Jasper taking off my jeans would be pretty hot...

_Yes, please..._

Fuck!

_...the edge of a blade of grass, that pixel three up from the bottom right side on the TV screen that produces that wrong shade of __green, the feel of fur and skin parting between my teeth, the way my skin sparkles in the sun, the ladybird that has been crawling across the palm of my hand, the echo of each of its tiny steps as it traverses miles of tough pale skin..._

But yeah, anyway, that move Jasper pulled? I wanted in on that! I knew some basic self-defence – you don't grow up a policeman's daughter, or live rough and ready on the road, without knowing some shit. Hell, that twat who tried to jack my car in that back lot in Cali, when I was trying to get some shut-eye sure got a surprise. I was small before the cancer, but that didn't mean shit.

Leverage and pressure.

That's all it takes to reduce a 250-pound man to tears like a little girl.

But whatever dojo Jasper-san was running was something else.

"_Oh, my God!_ _Teach me that, Jasper!"_

I didn't even try to hide my enthusiasm with nonchalance. I wanted to learn that! No amount of concentration would have allowed me to hide it - I was practically bouncing in place with childish glee! Wax on, wax _motherfucking_ off! I was prepared to go to the mattresses on this, but Jasper was quick to agree, telling me I needed to learn to take care of myself if the situation ever arose. His scars were a testament to that.

And damn, it was nice to have something to channel the rage into, and it definitely helped with my focus. Not that I wasn't trying before, it's just that I like a nice little incentive these days for my troubles. I haven't been that simpering child who craved approval and would ask 'how high?' and 'please, sir, can I have another?' for some time now. Although, that last one can be moved into the pending folder because _Master Jasper_ is HOT when he gets angry. It's a good thing he can't get a read on my emotions because I was all over the place. I don't know if it's the upgraded mind or the animalistic elements of the vamping, but sometimes there's just this urge to tackle him to the ground and lick the shit out of him - which was the downside to our training...

Personal. Up close. Contact.

It was going to kill me.

_My mind was trying to tell my body it was tired, but my body was telling my mind to shut the fuck up! Tiredness is all in the mind now - you've got stamina you don't even know about, baby! But still,__ we'd been going at this series of moves and something was just not sitting right with me. I was tired. And grouchy. And the earlier blood testing had not gone well. Charlotte was now down a sofa. Add that to the list of four end tables, a light fixture - __don't ask about that one - and countless floor tiles. _

_Of course I was tired. But Master Jasper was not letting up. He just kept pushing and pushing, and I was not in the fucking mood! All that stuff I'd discarded about volatile newborns was not bullshi__t, and I'd been an arrogant prick in many ways thinking that with time and patience that I'd be okay._

_Well, right now I was not okay._

_Right now, I wanted to shut Jasper the fuck up and go sink my teeth into something! I was PMS'ing like nothing on __earth, flipping one way and then the other... and Jesus-fucking-Christ, he's going to pick fault again like I don't know I'm not fucking up here!!!!!!!!!!!_

"_You're off balance, Bella. You need to keep your core stable, and stop flapping your arms aroun__d. Despite your name, you're not a damn bird. They ain't doing shit, woman!"_

_Shit, I was gonna lose it again... _

_Breathe Bella, just breathe... _

No.

_Gonna tackle him! Gonna tackle him hard!_

_Fucking useless, though. I ran at him as soon as__ the thought crossed into my head. He'd sighed, dropped his shoulder, and used my momentum to flip me over, securing each of my limbs with one of his, our arms and legs intertwined as I lay panting unnecessarily beneath him, his eyes teasing._

"_Swan, yo__u're so impatient," he drawled out, a hint of a smirk pulling at the side of his mouth, his eyes glittering through the loose curls that had swung down into his face._

_Red. All I saw was Red._

_Impatient?!?! I'm. Fucking. Trying!!!!_

_ASSHOLE!!!_

_I didn't want to sink this low, but it's time to pull out the big guns – I need a win. I'd spent hour after hour, and day after day, in the dirt - on my face, on my back, on my side, in the mud, in the rain, in the sun. I needed a victory..._

_My hips r__olled up from the floor, denim meeting denim, the sounds of the rough fibres grating against each other like a bow drawing across its strings, and the friction created miniature fires that seemed to flare and break out between us. I gulped at the feeling, __and drew my bottom lip between my teeth. The gold from his eyes disappeared in clouds of black and shadow, his body tensing and then relaxing on top of mine - not quite touching, but hovering above me. I was hyper-aware of everything, my focus fully on him__ as I shifted slightly beneath him, my eyes wide open, staring, drawing his focus just to me._

_My fingers threaded themselves through his as I snaked one leg around him - slowly, unhurried, locking our ankles together. I flicked my eyes downwards, feeli__ng the lashes brush against my skin, the softest and lightest of feather touches, before batting them open. Somewhere on the other side of the world a hurricane ignited. The remaining light went out from his eyes, and only darkness gazed back at me as a li__ght breeze stirred up around us, mixing and swirling our two scents together as they pooled in our stillness. I lifted my head slowly off the ground, his drifting down towards mine to meet it, the huffs of breath coming from the two of us the only sounds t__hat dared to disturb the air._

_I moved my lips up to his ear, exhaling across the expanse of his neck, before moaning out his name._

"_Jasssssperrrr..."_

_His eyes flickered._

_My hands tensed against his as I threw my weight into my hips, anchori__ng my ankle against the ground and flipping him over as I crouched above him, victory reflected back at me in his startled eyes._

"_Now who's off balance?" I crowed, before jumping up and running back to the house, laughing and giggling, trying not to fo__cus on the heat I could feel between my legs, the feel of him pinned tightly between my thighs, or the velvet heat that simmered in his eyes._

_Ugh! I could go for something salty right now... a wild hare maybe... It would let me run some of this frustra__tion off..._

The wins were getting more frequent. Not in the fighting - of course he had to be a man about _that_ and proceed to school the shit out of me. Fucking men! But I was slowly adjusting, getting used to the multitude of sights, sounds, colours, tastes, smells, feelings... Every day was an adventure, and it never ended. You never really realise how much time you have until you don't need to sleep, but it was such a strange concept now – the sun rose, it fell, it rose again... over and over, and we were always doing something.

Everything was distracting.

Especially Jasper's desensitizing experiment.

There were moments where I cursed the existence of vampires. The urge to rip, and tear, and maim, and kill, and bathe in a river of blood showed me a darkness within myself I never knew could exist. I wanted those children. I still want them. The memory of their smell - the spirals of blood bursting through tiny capillaries just under the surface of their tight, fragile, breakable skin - would recall across my eyes every time Peter or Charlotte brought out a fresh sample. Every single time, I wanted to run for the door and chase those children down. I would be able to do it, too – I found that out when I tracked a single deer that had escaped from a herd I was hunting. The scent of fear and adrenaline waved and teased a trail behind it, intensifying the natural scent of the animal. I wouldn't even have to think about it, I would just have to lose myself to the voice that called out from the corner of my mind. One slip, and that voice - that was my own, but not my own - would lure me like a siren right to their door. Jasper caught me twice making a break for it. Each time, I shattered like glass in his arms when sanity returned to my mind. He just held me tight, unwavering, binding me in place with arms of unrelenting soft steel, stroking my hair and murmuring words of encouragement to me. Fuckward was right. We were monsters.

But then I looked at Jasper, at Peter, at Char - the last two admittedly indulged in the sweetest of ambrosias, but Jasper managed. He struggled, he fell, but he got back up, he kept making that choice, and that helped me through. A little. And it got easier. I think. Or I got better at burying that shit - God only knows I'm a master at avoidance when I want to be. So, we went longer and harder. I had broken down repeatedly. But, every time they were there for me. Every time, one of them would pick me up, brush me down, and we would start again. I'd beaten death back at every swing it had taken at me – I could do this. _With them_. Only with them.

Which is why I only lasted twenty minutes inside the house without them before I crept outside, pausing every few steps to take stock of everything around me before taking a few more. It was too quiet in there without them. My feet were guiding me along the path they'd taken before I got a hold of myself and forced them to stop. I needed to make an effort here, no matter how much I wanted to run after them. But fuck if I was staying inside that house. What if someone turned up? I didn't trust myself not to kill them, and I'd have no backup, no fall back. So, I took the safe option and decided to play just inside the woods. There was a small clearing beside a stream that hemmed the property, where the water pooled and branches hung low over the glassy mirrored surface.

I hopped up on one of the branches and lay back, curving my spine against the bark, closing my eyes, and feeling the texture beneath my toes. My fingers were twitching all on their own, no need to fake the human motions that had simply fallen away from me. I couldn't get comfortable, which was ridiculous considering I didn't really feel discomfort any more. I could stand on one leg all day and not feel anything. I'd tried it. I was curious, despite the three of them rolling their eyes at me.

It took imagining that nosy bastard next to me before the unease subsided just enough to not want to run the rest of the way to them. Enough that I could sit back and let nature wash over me in this place. It was beautiful. What would have been an unmanageable cacophony of sounds to my mind, could now be separated into the rhythmic lapping of water, the grating of stone and sand as the currents pulled at the bed of the river, and the rustle of stems as tiny creatures tip-toed over them. I lazily opened an eye and watched a conga line of ants on the other side of the clearing manoeuvre a leaf ten times their size in my direction.

That's what I liked about insects. They knew I was no threat to them - they were too small, too insignificant, unlike everything else that would scatter and flee in panic. Maybe they had no sense of self-preservation. I'd like to think it was the former. They made me feel like human me, and I always took care stepping over them or around them. Shit, I even tried to rescue a woodlouse from a wild turkey once, much to the amusement of Peter, who just laughed his ass off at my explanation. Cock sucker. It's a good job he's funny and Char likes him, or I'd have taken some of my rage out on him with my fists and my teeth. Even he looked out for me, though.

A smile stretched wide over my face, and I felt content. I liked it here. But I couldn't wait for them to get back. I think today would be a good day.

Whispers of footsteps, light and fast, whistled towards me, before slowing, pausing, breath drawn in, and grasses rustled. A figure stepped through the trees and slinked towards me.

_Not_ Jasper.

_Not_ Charlotte.

_Not_ Peter.

I was up and standing before I was even aware of it, my skin crawling at the deliberate strides heading straight for me. My weight shifted to the balls of my feet, arms loose - but steady - floating just by my sides, not too high to raise awareness, but enough to stabilize my centre of gravity - Jasper's instruction ghosting in my ear.

The figure paused, eyes closed, inhaling the air deeply. I watched like a fly trapped by a spider as a smirk crawled across lips that unzipped bright, razor-sharp teeth from darkened lips. The eyes flashed open and every limb in my body drew taut like a bow, as every detail filtered into my mind.

_Red eyes._

_Wrong! _Danger. _Wrong!_ Danger. _Wrong!_

The words screamed at me, and I wanted to run. I wanted to run hard and fast away from the creature who slinked ever closer, hips swaying hypnotically... but I just _can't_. I can't, and my eyes can only track the hand that moves deliberately towards my face.

I can't move, and the silent scream behind my eyes is deafening.

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**AN 2.0. I know, I go away, for ages, I keep you waiting, and then hit you with a cliffy? I'm a heartless bitch. Come find me and I'll discuss it with you in depth lol!**

**Rec time – or the street corner of catonspeedland – I'm sticking some leg out, and raising my skirt for the following (if you haven't come across the following stories, you are in for a treat!!!!):**

**Second Chances by aerialla1 fanfiction(dot)net/s/4831589/1/Second_Chances It's Jasper/Bella, beautifully descriptive, has twists, turns, and a wonderful exploration of Jasper post birthday party. I ship this one hard.**

**Running by Merina Green fanfiction(dot)net/s/5613495/1/Running Jasper/Bella again, and shiiiiiit... what can I say? It's FABULOUS! Completely different from anything I've read, and Donna has a story that is keeping my eyes glued to the screen! I'm lucky enough to get sneak previews of this one (I'm up to chapter 26 – aren't I a lucky bitch? Yes. In this case, I am.) Lickage has never been so hot. Read it and you'll see what I mean.**

**And last, but by no means least... Once Bitten, Twice shy by lifelesslyndsey fanfiction(dot)net/s/5730725/1/Once_Bitten_Twice_shyPeter/Bella – cause you can NEVER have enough Peter, and lyndsey is just my brand of heroin. It's got catpire!!! CATPIRE people!!! And a bella with balls and a big bag of crazy. Their interaction is verbal poetry to me. But you already know I love lifelesslyndsey, so this should come as no surprise.**

**lima uniform charlie yankee, over and out! Xxxx**

**####UPDATE#### because you guys are fucking awesome, and I hit the 1,000 club (which shocked the ever loving shit out of me), I've released the picture teaser for the next chap waaaaaaaay early - you can find it on my blog, the links to which is on my profile page. Walk, don't run... ahhhh who am I kidding? STAMPEEEEEEEEEEEEED bwahahahahahaha! p.s you guys... *points at all of you and makes cheesy jerry maguire 'you complete me' signing move* yeah, i went there... deal with my cheese people tee hee!**

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**Blog: catonspeedland(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Twitter: catonspeed**


	20. Chapter 20 How does it feel

**AN. *****waves sheepishly* ****Sorry for the mahoosive delay on this, its been one fuck up after another after another, which I won't list because dayum I'm not going to bore you with that shit, but yeah... FUCK YOU VERY MUCH ICELAND *seethes* This chapter got rewritten three different times during a four month period of working seven days a week and I hated each one, they were motherf'ing horrendous, and I derived a sick amount of pleasure from feeding them through the office shredder! Anyhoo... Shit finally eased off, I took a much needed holiday, sat in the sun for two weeks, made cocktails, played my music at a level that would make old people cry, and then this finally came out of my head! And I pranced! And I danced! And I knocked on superbeta JaspersDestiny's door (she has foolishly agreed to wrangle my grammahz for me after her chapter 19 save - we click, I can't even describe how she gets what I'm trying to say), and was like... "ummm... I haz sum wurds 4 u" *blinkblinkblink*, and she didn't run away crying, so here it finally is. Further AN at the bottom, but**** let me just say real quick a big thanks to anyone who chased, poked, prodded, or hunted my ass down, and to Tina, Queen of Grammar Wrangling, you are GREAT, and I F'ing love how shiny you make this.**

**L x**

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**Now here's a recap:**

**Chapter**** 19 - ****JPOV**** end****...**

As I slink closer, moving like air over the ridge on the other side of which they roam, the antelope start at the sound of the dry brush crackling under my sprinting feet and bolt at the roar of thunder that rolls out of my gaping jaw. I don't chase after them, though, because I'm already running in the other direction toward a pull...a _feeling_... that makes my skin crawl. My whole body strains forward as everything blurs around me. Everything disappears but that feeling. I can hear echoing footsteps in my wake, and unless those antelope are running a suicide mission, my family is sprinting behind me.

Because something is fucking wrong. And it's scaring the shit out of me.

=^..^=

**Chapter**** 19 - ****BPOV**** end****...**

The figure paused, eyes closed, and inhaled the air deeply. I watched like a fly trapped by a spider as a smirk crawled across darkened lips that unzipped bright, razor-sharp teeth. The eyes flashed open and every limb on my body drew taut like a bow as every detail filtered into my mind.

_Red __eyes__._

_Wrong__! _Danger. _Wrong__!_ Danger. _Wrong__!_

The words screamed at me, and I wanted to run. I wanted to run hard and fast away from the creature that slinked ever closer, hips swaying hypnotically... but I just _can__'__t_! I'm frozen stiff, and my eyes can only track the hand that moves deliberately towards my face.

I can't move, and the silent scream behind my eyes is deafening.

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**JPOV**

Green, brown, green, green, tan, brown, green, air, branch, fear, green, green, footsteps, green, green, fear, green, green, brown, pants of air, in, out, in, out, brown, brown, green, fear, green, green, brush, whispers of scrub against fabric. Arms pump, legs stretch, sinew snaps and contracts as that elastic band in my chest twangs and vibrates. And still the fear. All I can feel is fear. It's _everywhere_. The air is saturated heavy with dread, and pain, and fear, and the green, brown, green, brown that whips on by. The pain is so overwhelming it almost feels like my own. It might be. I don't know where my emotions start and this eruption cloud begins because all I can feel is fear, sinking and crawling through every inch of me in a constant drip, drip, drip, like acid rain.

Fear.

Fear.

Pain.

Fear.

Fear.

Acceptance.

Fear.

Fear.

Fear.

It's fucking awful. I don't know the last time I ever felt _this_. I do... but I don't want to. My mind shorts and blanks, cutting that thought off. I need every bit of focus. My arms pump, my legs stretch, the sinew snaps and contracts in each limb as they compulsively push through wave after wave after wave of fear and pain so _thick _that I feel like I'm running through molasses rather than the light breeze that splits and rolls in chaotic eddies. I dart straight and true to the place that drags me forward like bait on a lure. I am a passenger. I only see what is in front of me as my legs run towards the darkness that's closing in on all sides. It's inescapable, and I've been dragged under by the current that pulls me forward without a thought.

Green, brown, green, green, tan, brown, green, air, branch, fear, green, green, sprinting footsteps, green, green, fear, green, green, brown, dragonfly, brown, brown, green, fear, green, green, ribbons of scent, cleaved and sliced by the momentum that carries me forwards, towards...

_Shit__!_

I know where I'm going now. I know where this pull leads me.

My heart implodes in my chest, shredding lungs and fracturing ribs that slide down into my roiling gut like a wet slap against a concrete floor. I don't even think about fighting it. My feet pick up, and I run, run, run impossibly faster as doors open and close in different parts of my mind, the labyrinth reconfiguring as shadows slink out of corners and cages to slither ice cold through veins hardening into steel. The hammer goes down, and the green, brown, green, brown become grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, grey. Everything on the periphery streaks and bleeds together, smeared by the speed that propels me onwards towards the silent howl that is ripping up my spine, threatening to disembowel me and leave me bleeding out on the forest floor. I can't lose her. I just can't.

_Run__... _

Time is meaningless. There is only motion - motion and grey - and then a shutter click, freeze-frame. Stop. I don't even have time to contemplate what I'm running into before the hook that has pulled me jerks upward, all serrated edges and sharpness, from where it's been embedded deep inside, bringing me to a whip-cracking halt.

Breath pants uneven through gritted teeth and quivering flesh as everything is frozen stationary before me. Stop. Focus. Freeze-frame. _Click_. Immortalized negatives develop one after the other after the other in noxious clouds of chemicals that burn my eyes and singe my skin. I've found the eye of the storm. By God, what a storm it is. It _roars_, muffling everything with a suffocating silence, sucking the breath from me like a boot to the chest. That ice in my veins solidifies and I freeze.

_I_ freeze.

Static particles charge and hang in the heavy air like windblown embers, licking and sparking against me as they tumble and rumble against one another and press down, down, down, smothering the air that pants in and out of my mouth, stealing it from me like a gloved hand before I can swallow it down. I'm clinging to the edge of hysteria, hanging over a cliff's edge with broken fingers and bleeding nails as the grit shifts beneath them and I slide in millimetres towards oblivion at what is laid out before me.

I'm in a clearing surrounded by low hanging trees that gently kiss the surface of water that caresses branches that lie in repose, creating a symphony of notes in this amphitheatre of horror. Leaves tremble like tiny cymbals to the vibrations travelling up and through them. Nothing else draws breath, takes a step, or dares to move. There is no life here. Life has fled. Screams of the departed taper off in the distance like discarded ribbons, all running away, fleeing, because there is only death here and she wants to play - death, and a horror that leaves me paralyzed, like the face that stares up at me in the grass at my feet. A silent scream paints that face whose eyes are so black the sockets look hollow. But they _twitch_. And they _leak_. And they _scream_ in my face, flashing memories of a thousand tears and begging words in my ears with claws that rip at poorly finished stitches.

I blink.

The surface of the scene breaks, and...

I am _frozen_ until my body expels the blood that curdles and congeals instantly in my stomach, shooting upwards and outwards in a spray of red rainbow mist and lumps. It trickles and oozes from my gaping jaw to the grass below. My hands splay out across knees that threaten to buckle beneath me. Drips and plinks bend blades of grass between my legs, forcing them to bow and rebound from the fountain that has spewed forth, their edges streaked with red. An army of tiny knives thrust upwards, lancing and gutting the horror wide open on the floor without mercy or conscience. I feel undone. Hollow. _Am__ I __here__? __Is __this__ real__? __How __is __this__ real__?_

I can't tear my eyes away from the creature that has appeared in harsh focus before me. It _crawls _over twitching limbs that are scattered across the grass, demanding all of my attention. The feel of danger licks a wet path up the nape of my neck with a sharp, pointed tongue. There's no sound in this snuff film, but the actions speak a thousand words. The pain and the fear tell a story that I am more than familiar with. I can only watch as graceful fingers tiptoe over bare flesh, counting, pacing, and then marking before biting, ripping, and scarring. It's methodical. It's precise. It's brutal. It's not unfamiliar. Everything wavers at the edges of my vision, but I watch, transfixed, as glossy, polished teeth flash brilliant in the sunshine before they pierce and part skin like butter and disappear downwards into flesh. Iridescent liquid leaks from punctured holes and oozing gashes, trickling and dripping to the grass below where it mingles with the now congealing red, which is bleeding steadily black.

This is torture. This is horror. This is death. There is nothing but pain and fear.

Everywhere.

That, and the scent of cloying roses and heavy musk, which incinerates the inside of my nose and fans the flames that are lick, lick, licking at the dancing pyre that has ignited and roars deep in all corners of the recesses of my mind. Walls of memory catch fire and flare as negative after negative and frame after frame curl and crackle, hiss and spit as celluloid ignites in shimmering brilliance. Room after room in the labyrinth smolders as fragments flicker and play out, projecting in the gathering smoke that consumes them. A thousand memories, tastes, smells, and feelings ignite, and then a thousand more go up in flames, adding fuel to the fire.

_Pain_ and _fear_. I soak it in. I soak it all in.

My empty stomach roils again, waiting for bile it will never produce as little fingertips walk four steps up an arm, carefully pacing out a measured distance with adept precision before teeth sink in again, and again, and again, and again. I can almost feel the burn of each incisor prickling across every scar on me, itching without promise of relief.

Is this real?

I blink.

I want to get out words. Something. But I can't seem to break the spell this has over me. I've seen worse. I've done worse. I've lived this. But this is just...

_Pain_ and _fear_.

It washes over me. It runs through me. I feel it. I _feel_ it all. I breathe it in.

The moment feels endless yet instant, time losing meaning until I register the presence of my family at my side. I feel their reeling emotions flutter and tap at the brittle window of my consciousness like startled birds. They stand still and watch, like me - still, silent, and transfixed by the step, step, _bite_ and the tap, tap, _rip__. _By the pain. By the fear. By the _smell_. Hands grasp one another - squeezing, twitching, solid, frenetic, grounding. Each of us wants to find the words, but we gasp like fish washed up on the bank at high tide. Because...

"_Maria__,"_ whispers Charlotte. The words are just... thrown out there, and they fall, casting ripples with their weight - ripples that tumble through layers of thought buried deep, which crack wide open along fault lines covered over with shallow earth and desperation. Loose stitches are ripped wide open because... _Maria_. A whole floor of the maze explodes. The fire spreads and rages unconfined.

_Dust__. __Shouts__. __Frantic__ shivers__ and__ darting __eyes__. __Stay __low__. __No __weakness__. __No __feeling__ of__ my__ own __until__ the__ sun__sets__, __bleeding __into__ darkness__ and __bringing __the __promise__ of__ feeling__ back_. _Don__'__t __make __me__ feel__... __please__... __make __me__ feel__... __but__ don__'__t __make __me _feel_. __Neon __eyes __flash __red __and__ senses __explode__. __Skin __ignites __under __hands __that__ make__ fire __as_ that _voice __whispers__ in __my __ear__, "__Sientes__, __Jasper__. __Feel __it __all__. ¿__Cómo__ se__ siente__, __mi__ querido__?" _

I shudder and the sea of grass quivers with me, waving in unison around two figures - one broken, one beautiful. Both twitch in shafts of light that pierce the clearing. Shadows and light, contrasting monochrome and vivid Technicolor, juxtapose to display the horror that lies before us like some untitled modern art piece. A frenzied "Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Never yours. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Never yours. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Never yours. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours. Not yours," babbles frenetically in time with the stream that tinkles away in the background, washing over everything. But it's not enough to clean the stains away. It's not _anywhere_ near enough to feel clean.

I... she...

Synapses flare, stutter, and fail trying to make the mental leap, but they fall short as the ground rushes upwards in the free fall.

I turn to Peter. He is transfixed, focused on the patchwork that is unfolding before our eyes. Pieces are laid out like a broken toy in the dirt, ready and waiting and hoping to be put back together. Counted. In line. A broken doll torn apart. But the parts are too far gone and nobody is prepared to speak the words. I'd think him a statue if it wasn't for his eyes, which burn like fire, and his hand, which at some point had found mine and grasps it just that little bit tighter. His other hand is clasped firmly in Charlotte's. She has buried herself deep into his side, each holding the other up as tiny cracks and fissures echo from their clasped hands. I just stare at him, at my brother, because... _Maria__._ But Peter's eyes... they are only for _her_. Only for _Maria_.

I just...

_Running. Fear. Eyes begging in dark alleys. Fingertips digging into brick. No escape. Lust. Sickness. Revulsion. Pride. Hot, dark, wet, touch, licking caresses that bring revulsion at the feeling. Dead. Hollow. Escape. Run. Night. Cold. So close and then... hot, rich, fragrant, teeth and mouth. There is no escape, only scared eyes and whimpers through paper thin walls and alleys as death stalks forth and claims their feeling just to touch something not dead inside. Then she's there with the soft touch that burns and crawls, and my arms are suddenly filled with quivering fear and soft paper tissue that tears in ribbons and smells like cherries, painting my hands as I lean in and whisper, "Feel it. Feel it all for me, darlin'." And she watches me. And I feel. I feel it all. I consume it all, and each hot, wet pull brings the cure and the curse as fingers touch and soothe. The thought of leaving crawls back into the darkness with a whimper. The fear recedes with the slowing beats. The atmosphere morphs to a familiar, foreign burn that sparks warm in my belly. It's not mine, but that doesn't matter because my arms are now filled with cold steel. We try to set each other on fire with friction. Why won't that cunt burn?_

My eyes swing back, back to... _Maria_...and... _Bella_, who crawls in the dirt, over limbs and grass and pieces of ... "Maria". The name tumbles, foreign and unwieldy, out of my mouth, which is suddenly dry and rasping because the gravity of the scene has hit me like a freight train. _Bella_ and _Maria_. Peter's hand tightens further around mine, and it's only then that I feel myself shaking, feel my body trembling in place, register that the blurring at the edge of my vision is all me as I fall apart in place. The static haze crackles around us, threatening to ignite the cloud of fear and pain that fills this place.

Teeth sink. Fingers pace. Nails score, painting death on canvas.

I blink.

It's still here.

I blink again.

Not a dream.

I blink. I'm lost.

_Maria__._

_Muffled voices. Pain. Cooing words, whispered low and sultry in my ear. Unclean. Low. Fear. Teeth and nails. Screams that link in chains, one after the other, after the other, after the other, after the other... Is it me? Is it them? Burning, always the burning, across my skin and under my fingertips, licking across dirt as those screams ring, ring, ring out into the night, as that touch burns away pieces of my soul and that voice whispers, "Mi querido, ¿Cómo se siente?, amante?" Teeth and nails caress screams and burn from my skin. And I feel. I feel it all, over and over and over, and there is nothing else in the darkness to cling to as I drown._

I tremble, inside and out, that _smell_ teasing at my taste buds and searing my throat closed, but my body moves a tentative step forward...and another, and another, and another until...

"Bella?" I rasp out. My voice feels dry and old, cracking under the weight of memories relived. I reach out a hand - a question - nearly pulling back, suspended in air, before tentatively laying it on her shoulder, feeling the solidity and the confirmation of her presence beneath it. _Real_. "Bella?" She's shaking under my hand, twitching and stuttering as she measures out more marks in her grand design. Venom drips from her mouth over ruby lips and satin skin, free-falling down into grooves and lines scored deep and onto a piece of thigh that quivers with the contact. I'm afraid to come closer. I'm afraid to touch _it_. I hate that I'm afraid to touch _it_. I don't want to touch this death. I can feel it and that's close enough. It's more than enough.

I blink.

_Real__._

Bella jolts, lurching upwards and forwards as she sparks raw and untamed, spilling fresh paint across a new piece of canvas. Slender fingers trace over a spiralling heart, molding rough edges of her medium into crisp lines with sharp nails that dig just a little deeper, creating iridescent rivers that well up and flow over tattered flesh. Her focus is absolute. My eyes crawl over her - over matted hair, torn cloth, and flesh smeared with dirt and grass. Dirty, beautiful, raw...and _life_.

I blink. She's in front of me.

Hands flutter at my face, pushing back hair, tracing the lines of my face, fingers ghosting lightly down my neck, touching, gently soothing, slowly, feeling, moving down arms loose with shock. She grasps my right hand tentatively. Eyes meet mine. They burn bright and feverish, swallowing me whole, as the inky black opens wide. We just stare. Time loses all meaning as everything disappears but us. Fingers slowly roll up the right sleeve of my shirt. Eyes never leave mine as I watch that inky black roll and roil like a storm in the darkness, watching for something. A reaction? I can only watch. Material folds softly over and over to bathe scarred skin in shadows and light. Feather light touches trace patterns. I shiver, exposed. Those eyes hold me in place. I float, cocooned weightlessly in them. She reaches out to smooth a wayward curl back into place behind my ear. It springs back out of place. Her soft hand then slides down my jaw, down my neck, down my arm, before rolling my sleeve back into place. A single finger skates around my wrist, over the back of my hand, and down my index finger, curling round the end like a wisp of smoke. I shiver in the light.

I blink.

She's gone again, working back over limbs stripped bare of cloth and laid out in the shadows and dirt. Those soft hands tiptoe with edged nails, and then those teeth...they sink deep again and again and again, enforcing the pattern on a dismembered forearm.

I blink.

I look down and touch my arm. My fingers reach out and trace the same pattern, feeling the indentations rising and falling, hidden away beneath dark cotton. _The __same_.

They are scars predominantly left from one set of teeth.

The fire peaks inside. Everything is aflame, and that voice echoes, _"__Mi__ querido__, ¿__Cómo __se __siente__?"_

_Oh__._

_God__. _

Pain. And. Fear.

It breaks over and over me in waves. _I __feel_ it all. I pull it _all_ in, and my body shivers as something else catches deep down inside. It ignites and explodes, burning out rotten waste and searing over exposed scars. The flames rush and lick through memories of desert and sky painted red with blood, and hate, and heat, and... pain and fear.

"_Bella__..." _My mouth forms the words. I can feel the vibration of air in my throat, but all I can hear is the static. My hand reaches out, unsteady and trembling, to touch her. I have to.

_Real__._

"Not. Done." _Bite_. "Not. Enough." _Scratch_.

My God. Enough. It's enough. So enough.

"It's enough, Bella," I can hear myself saying.

Her eyes meet mine again. Dark. Pitch-black darkness. But... soft. They glow, flickering over me, touching me. Even at this distance, I can feel them stroking softly over me. I can feel warmth from them, and it doesn't burn me.

_How __is __she __real__?_

"Bella. It's enough."

Her weight shifts back onto the balls of her feet as she jerks up to stand. Arms twitch by her sides. Arms twitch on the grass. She shudders and her arms come up to wrap around her waist as she soundlessly keens in place, eyes screwed shut, face taut in agony, shivering in place. I step forward and she lurches back. Panicked eyes meet mine. There is fear in them for the first time.

_Please__ don__'__t __leave __me_.

My hands come up in deference, one foot slowly edging back, followed by the other. I retreat, palms outstretched.

_Don__'__t __go__. __I__'__ll__ be__ good__, __I __swear__._

She sobs and the sound tears through me. Breath draws in. She inhales and I exhale. She shudders, and those hands...those hands squeeze tighter around her body.

_Please __let__ me__ touch __you__. __I__'__ll__ make __it__ all__ go __away__. __Let__ me __feel__ for__ you_.

Our eyes meet. She whimpers and my heart breaks. Whispering, "Bella," my hand reaches out to her, fingers flexing in empty air. I call again. "Bella". Every emotion is written raw across my face. I just need to touch her to feel real, to know she's alright and that she's not going to leave me here in this amphitheatre of horror she's created.

_Please__ don__'__t __leave__ me__ behind__..._

She cries out and collapses into my arms. A tangle of limbs surrounds me as she draws me into her embrace. And we stand there, holding each other as she buries her face in my hair and just breathes.

The rest of the world just disappears.

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**Spanish translations:**

_"__Sientes__, __Jasper__. __Feel __it __all__. ¿__Cómo__ se__ siente__, __mi__ querido__?"- _Feel it, Jasper. Feel it all. How does it feel, my pet.

_"Mi querido, ¿Cómo se siente?, amante?" - _My boy, how does it feel, lover?_  
_

_"__Mi__ querido__, ¿__Cómo __se __siente__?" _- My boy, how does it feel?

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**AN 2.0. First off, I have to send massive thanks to a few people: Hammerhips (who stepped up and unmangled my spanglish - see the above), ItzMeBarb (for most determined update chaser - you made me chuckle in the best of ways), and BellaFlan and givemesomevamp (for emailing me things to read for the first time in forever on my holiday, the pure WIN you stuffed in my box reminded me why I love writing - both of them have fantastic stories on FF that you absolutely MUST check out)**.

**I went through all the previous chapters on holiday and edited those, as some of them hadn't ever seen a beta creature and featured more than one sentence that continued in my head but never made it onto the page... they are all with the beta lady right now, and will be going back up when they come through. Nothing is being taken out, but they are being cleaned up and there are one or two cheeky little additions - I'll post on my blog as and when those changes go up.**

**Anyway... I'm going to get cracking on the BPOV now (the schedule is easing out so it shouldn't be within a month - April/August was a cosmic alignment of fuckery), but in the mean time there are a few stories I'd rec the ever loving fuck out of if you're looking for something to tide you over with:**

**Disgrace by catonspeed **- I know, it's me, but I wrote Mauralee88 an OS for her FGB and I love how it turned out.

**The Quite Room by Givemesomevamp** - Bella/Jasper: We meet Bella, suffering the aftermath of her abandonment, locked up in 'Oakforest Behavioral Center for Troubled Young Adults' playing stare down with an unknown vampire (and you know me, I'm all about a good stare down *grins*), and it evolves beautifully from there. Bella's internal monologues are fantastic to read, and hurrah! her inner voice has SPINE!

**Underneath Your Scars by Hammerhips (recently completed)** - Bella/Jasper: Tribbles, rapey the clown, Peter, delicious fuckery, my god I could go on and on and on about this. Read it! Love it! Tell her I sent you! Lick her face! (that last one is optional... i'll leave it up to you)

**Becoming Bella Swan by BellaFlan (recently completed)** - Edward/Bella: This will blow your mind and your socks clean off. It's funny, it's got underthebedward, and bring a fire extinguisher, because... DAYUM**!**

**Sweet Tooth by MacFlan **- Edward/Bella: If you haven't found it yet and you can get down with a little AH diiiiiiirty funny fuckery, then ZOMG are you in for a TREAT! A buttercream-peniscake-cannolipube-confectionary-treat! *disney sigh*

**Running by Merinagreen (recently completed)** - Bella/Jasper: Teamlickage. That's all you need to know.

**And blog wise you should check out the Twificpimps (who are running a contest focusing on the unsung of the fandom - readers, betas, those who lurk in the background but grease your cogs, banner makers - so i challenge you to go nom someone who would never see it coming and make their day - random acts of karma FTW), and Whitlock Harem (if only for their poem on the front page to the recent fandomwank - it's inspired *giggles*). Both are google-able. Go dew it.**

**I'm still working through emails from my lock down and I'm working my way through those reviews left while I was MIA - if I miss you let me know - the fact that you're still reading this shocks the ever-loving shit out of me.  
**

**Ciao for now,**

**L x**

**p.s Bet you were wondering WTFuckery TLM was when you saw that alert in your inbox *sniggers***

**p.p.s I'mma stop rambling and go make myself a jasmine tea.  
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**Blog: catonspeedland(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**Twitter: catonspeed**_  
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